Chewing Through a Munch.

I know that when I write I tend to sound very Strict, regimented and “upper class”. I try to be articulate and I have a vocabulary that lets me be, but I thought tonight a much more informal and “off the cuff” post was necessary, I Can’t sound like a hard ass all the time 😉 . So here’s my thoughts reactions, and observations on my First ever munch.

Tonight was going to be hard, on both of us… Dot and I are by nature both introverts, she much more so than I. I am capable of Turning my personality up… it sounds weird, but thats the best way to describe it, I’m still me, I just crank the volume on that sonofabitch up to 11 and charge ahead.

So, that’s what I did, and had to do tonight. Dot dreads meeting new people and large crowds, I can handle them much better, So I’m her buffer, her mouth piece and her rock if she needs whatever she needs I will be for her.

Prior to our going to the munch we talked it over and established a Protocol for the evening – She was to address me as Sir if the need arose to do so, however was free to use my name and be herself in all other ways – like Syn and I enjoy, etc (for the sake of objectivity and anonymity when I would use our every day names I’ll refer to Dot and I by our online persona’s). Having talked it over We will be migrating to a more Protocol, etiquette and service oriented dynamic, she needs and requires structure, and it will make me a better Sir, partner and overall person to incorporate that into my life as well.

So, with Protocols in place, I took a shower, wanting to match the care and consideration She took picking an outfit, and doing her hair and light make up – read mascara and lip gloss, which only serves to make her already beautiful features stand out.  While I was showering I asked Dot to lay out a button down shirt for me, She chose one of her favorites, and a shirt for under that was acceptable to wear if I got hot and had to take the button down off, a very thoughtful gesture.

So, hair done and business casual attire in place we headed to a local mall close to the munch to kill some time window shopping – it relaxes her to window shop and it was good for Us to just be a vanilla couple leading up to a lifestyle event, it centered me, and I am sure her as well….we even ran into her peer who we bullshitted with for a bit, which allowed her to embrace her Alpha vanilla personality a bit, which I think also helped her. coincidental meeting for the win!

After a small coffee and a cigarette for me – yes I still smoke, quitting is still a Work in progress, it was off to the munch – early as we both believe early is better no matter what we’re doing, we both HATE being late.

My impressions of the Munch ? Well we had met with two of the community leaders the day prior in a completely social setting, so we had a “soft” introduction to the group – I already knew one half of the couple in a completely vanilla way so it  eased a lot of the trepidation of going in cold.

Dot also knew one other person at the munch who was her subordinate at work at one point…I’m pretty sure her jaw hit the floor when she saw us sitting there as she walked in. Surprise ! and guess what ? Syn is the Dom…I am still chuckling, her expression was worth the price of admission alone 😉

Over all I am happy with the albeit small community – we obviously have a core group of people that are passionate and friendly, it was definitely interesting to see the collective that Kink, BDSM and all the other fetishes under the rainbow bring together, a very diverse group that did, in my opinion over all make us feel very welcome. Oh, and the Draw 😉 they were holding a raffle for a couple of toys which we entered… so next Munch we might be the proud owners of a a beautiful new Dragon tail – woot.

Our night was indeed cut short as Dot being the boss at work had to be in at a respectable hour and we needed to eat – it was being held at a restaurant of sorts but we have some (self imposed) dietary restrictions that we adhere to for the most part.

We held Our “debrief” over Steaks (Rare and near to mooing thanks) and just sat with one another depressurizing I was very very Pleased with my little fae, her anxiety was in check… for the most part as long as I was near her, and I only had to stop her Fidgeting once, which was a simple glance and rearrangement of where I placed my hands. I could not have asked for a more elegant and composed partner/sub and other half… I say partner first because she is ALWAYS Dot first and foremost, a person, indeed the most important person to me, if I refer to her as “my Sub” or what have you, it is a descriptor like calling her a brunette.

I do wonder what the community as a whole thought of us… part in vanity, and part in hoping I represented my little fae as a Good Dom. We are an extension of one another after all.

So I sit here, writing this, as part of my way to depressurize with my Metal playlist Cranked in the background, yes, Rob Zombie can be soothing in the right Circumstances. My little fae just checked in with me over IM so I know she’s at work and probably neck deep in orders, which is likely just as therapeutic when you combine it with her MP3 player which I have a feeling in jammed in her ear.

Over all thoughts on the night, I am mentally tired, but happy. As a couple I think we were Polite, and gave them decent insight into who and what we are as a couple… I look forward to the next event, it should be more Fluid, and less.. nerves for both of us.

I could ramble on, but I think I’ll cut it off here and start assembling my thoughts for that Post on etiquette and our protocols I mentioned last post.

Regards,

Syn

Weird Science or Describing my Perfect Sub.

As My Little fae and I were sharing some time together today, we were discussing expectation…she recently Blogged a little about her expectations in a Dom, and requested that I do the same for my expectations of a Sub.

So, I am putting a post on protocol I have on the back burner in favor of this, as I think it is important for both myself to have it in writing as well as her, and you the reader. I’m looking to list a few things as well as expand on them to explain my reasoning and thought process on each so that Myself, and she have a clearer understanding of what I expect. That said – she meets most if not all of these expectations or far surpasses them already. I will at some point revise and update this in a later post as/if things change.

  • Intelligence – Very important to me, in my vanilla life I dated women who were either unintelligent or played dumb a lot. As I get older, I find less and less time for dumb people…and Intelligence breeds excellent conversation which is sexy, and a useful skill both in a D/s dynamic and every day life.
  • Takes pride in her public appearance – I am not saying she must be immaculate ALL of the time…however as a submissive reflects on her Dom her appearance on a whole is important to me. Sure going out to get a coffee or a snack from the corner store in grubby’s happens, however said attire would in no way be acceptable at say a coffee with other lifestylers, or even vanilla relations. Dress and hygiene is a very important part of first impressions and a nice pair of jeans and top is acceptable in 90% of these interactions… I LOVE  jeans on a woman, but my Submissive also knowing that wearing a skirt, dress, or other casual business attire appropriate to the situation is important.
  • Must be willing to learn and experience new things – a very important part of mutual and personal growth, new experiences and information leads back to point 1 and intelligent conversation.
  • Be respectful and well-mannered – Manners are rare…Respect even more so, having good manners and being respectful of those that deserve said respect (which is everyone until there is reason to take it away) is paramount to public appearance and in general good karma – it costs us nothing to put out good vibes into the world and in turn perhaps they will come back to us. I by NO MEANS expect my submissive to be a doormat, To anyone. EVER. I respect my submissive as a partner, lover and confidante and she should be treated by others as they would either treat me as a Dominant, or just in general as good manners allow, I leave this to her discretion to decide when respect and manners are a non-issue in her dealings with people.
  • Willing to follow direction and offer feedback at an appropriate time In whatever way I offer direction be it in a scene, at a social gathering or other time. If a direction is given I expect it to be followed out quickly and efficiently. Caveat’s to this Include Hard or soft limits – those should be discussed Prior, but if the need arises she should feel free to bring these issues to me immediately so I can correct -my- behavior to be in her best interests.
  • Able to discuss ANY and ALL concerns, issues, or problems with me – Communication, trust, openness and honesty. I want these to be the foundation our D/s relationship, I can and will talk about anything that my submissive deems important to both her well-being, mine and that of our dynamic…Too many times I have been in relationships where NONE of these were even remotely in the picture.
  • Be willing able and ready to serve – an All encompassing ideal…. in making life easier for her Sir in terms of creature comforts, I believe her Sir would then have more time to have his subs best interests met…. I will branch into this topic more readily in my post on protocol as I believe there are different levels of service and protocol that fall in here, I am by no means expecting a slave, that is not the dynamic I wish for, as I desire a submissive who is an equal in other ways…. My little fae knows this.
  • Sexual service – I have a High Sex drive, I would expect my sub to be ready to serve any time I am ready…. however – instigation by her is not out of the question either, as it pleases me to see my submissive’s needs met in any and all arena’s required. She is after all mine and I wish to have my possessions happy, healthy and contented. I have no problem saying no…but that word in this area will be rare, if ever.

One final one that is long enough that a Bullet will not do it justice – My Submissive needs to understand that this is a growth process for us both, I desire open lines of communication, but over all I wish for her to indeed have thoughts and a mind of her own to offer advice on how I can better meet her needs and care for her….which ties into her being able to direct me to information she deems important, thoughts, Ideas and indeed ways for us to both have our needs met. For example : if she desires to serve but saying “I would appreciate if you let me cook for you once a week as a small token” and as my little fae is apt to say – stay out of the kitchen and let me do it 😛 this is acceptable to me provided she realizes I may at some point offer to set the table, or be her sous chef…. I am not a Tyrannical Dom, Simply a man who desires to grow in the lifestyle with US in mind.

I’ve been fairly serious in this post, as it was a serious request. I took it as such… I should also point out, that I in no way expect this to be 24/7,  Dot and I have agreed that first and foremost we are best friends and our dynamic in vanilla life and indeed in certain private instances is something we value and will not change…. simply seeing this for you, dear reader does not do our dynamic justice, however it will hopefully serve to enhance it.

So until the next post, with regards,

Syn

A Portrait of a (not quite) New Dom.

Hi there ! Welcome to my brand-spanking new blog.

I am starting this Endeavor as a way for me to explore my role as a Dom for my submissive and my exploration of everything BDSM and Kink. My thoughts on general Topics, Fetishes,  and issues I encounter as I find my style, place and for lack of a better term “calling” in the Lifestyle.

So who am I ?

I’m a 34-year-old Dom that lives in the Frigid Canadian north, in a small farming community (I say small which is 60,000 people) FULL of conservative close minded individuals. Everything here is about 10 years behind, it is a Fantastic place if you’re a Kid, or elderly , and an excellent place to raise children.

I was raised by my parents in a very conservative way… when I was young while others were listening to music like AC/DC, The Pet Shop Boys, and other popular bands I grew up on Elvis, Buddy Holly, and Fats Domino. The extent of my Discussion about sex with either of my parents Revolved around my mother finding a playboy I had some how found, and consequently hid in my Room – I don’t remember much in the way of Specifics, but I do remember the “MOM VOICE” as she tore the magazine up – “don’t read those boobie Books, the women in them are dirty” and that was that. Needless to say sex, masturbation and anything related was not welcome in a house where I had no lock on my door, and for the most part doors were to be kept open for anything except the bathroom and changing (even then sometimes if dad had to pee he had to pee).

Lets fast forward to Junior high, shall we ?

While others were experimenting with alcohol and the opposite sex, I was your stereotypical geek during a time when geeks were not at all sexy, but I did get involved in the Martial arts… I loved the order, Discipline and Form of art that out body’s were put through, the giving and receiving of pain was common place but it was done with respect, admiration and in some ways Love. I stood shoulder to shoulder with people from all back grounds and walks of life, as Student, Teacher and equals for the first time I could remember –  Even a Popular Jock from my School was there…. and after a fashion we were friends, he taught me and I taught him.

Grade 12! Senior Year! An amazing time in any kids life… apparently.

My memories of grade 12 may be a bit Clouded however A few things I can tell you that are relevant – I was still single, Still a virgin, and awkward and shy as shit around Girls. I finally asked a Girl I knew from a summer vacation spot to go to prom with me, and she accepted I did my best to be the Gentleman – Tux, Corsage, Met her folks in more than passing All in all it was the most fun I’d Had with a “date” (let’s be serious it was my first date ever).

After out evening together I asked her if, during the summer she’d like to continue Seeing one another and she said yes !

It lasted all of a week and she hooked up with two guys (brothers actually) and started dating them both…I was perplexed at best, and truth be told slightly Crushed.

I won’t go into details or specifics of my 4 other relationships (all long-term) but lets categorize them as more than unhealthy – No communication or Trust, I even left my beloved small City and moved with one to a larger city where I was the victim of emotional abuse, mind games and other forms of mental mind fuckery.

I moved home, sporting a Hefty bag full of depression, and Alcoholism in full swing…. and got a job at a local call center where, I met in person someone I had known for a few years though my old Live Journal, We will call her Dot. As I went through my call center training, I became involved with a Woman who fit the bill of my previous destructive relationships almost as well as the Benchmark. W eventually wound up pregnant, and She dumped me with-in a week of finding out.

Enter Rock Bottom.

A failed Suicide attempt or two later and finally on the mend. I was again single, with my Son and his mother out of my life due to my choice, she attempted [and still does attempt] to use him as blackmail to get things she wants…. well no Ma’am this is the new Syn and he doesn’t put up with that shit. I would NOT allow myself to hate my son because of his mother using him as a bargaining chip.

So there I was trying to put my life back together – and off to a local College. My First year and Yule break… the week before actually I revisited my Old LiveJournal account, and decided to make an updated post – more as a declaration of intent than anything. It felt good to write again, So I continued.

After about a week of new posts, I Finally had a comment left on an entry welcoming me back to LJ from none other than Dot. I imagine from her point of View she likely though I had just fallen off the face of the earth and was lost for all time. It had been 3 or so years since I had updated, and here I was Sober, sane, and much more collected than the previous Syn.

I had mentioned that I had some time off for Yule Break coming up and I was pretty sure I was going to be bored out of my skin.

Before I go Further with this let me Preface the rest with a Disclaimer – By this point I was DONE with LTR’s and women in general, not to the point of being Gay, I just didn’t want anything to do with the insanity I had labeled ALL of the opposite sex with.

Regardless on the post i mentioned about boredom over Yule, Dot Again posted and suggested perhaps we could Meet for Coffee, and I agreed – to this day I didn’t go in with the “date” mentality I simply went to pass time.

Holy Fuck was I wrong – our First date lasted 2 or 3 hours talking, laughing and catching up until she had to go Pick her youngest up from school, we hit it off so well that we made plans to meet at the same coffee shop again the following day, and the rest as they say is history.

Here we are in 2010 and this is kind of where the Vanilla stuff takes a back seat – but First some background, Dot and I had been dating exclusively for almost 2 years at this point, I was (and still am, if not more) deeply in love with her, her kids, and indeed everything to do with her… Now up to this point she and I had a very healthy sex life, and she had hinted at certain aspects of her life before containing BDSM, I was however not sure just how much…

Eventually we talked (holy hell REAL honest and open communication!) and eventually I got some insight into more than just the Rough/kinky porn I would watch at 5 AM when my Girlfriend of 10 years ago was asleep in the next room. (Porn to her was exactly like cheating) .

I discovered through her a Site called Bondage.com and her Profile which opened my eyes to a realm of possibilities – I was not alone, nor a freak for liking the things I did…. THERE ARE OTHERS !

So to Bring us up to current day, I should point out that through experimentation and Slow careful progress we are Finding out my kinks, what I like and don’t like and moving forward together as Sir and his Little fae, without realizing exactly what I had done I “collared” Dot with  a very innocuous chain with a fae on it which she NEVER takes off except to shower or when I remove it to Attach her Play/training collar. This fills me with such a sense of pride, and warmth I don’t think it is possible to explain it.

Which Brings us to now – Mutually  we have decided that Writing, exploring and researching is the next logical step in our mutual experiences, so I have started this blog to talk about, examine and discuss all things BDSM related, eventually I would like to also help people into or Curious about lifestyle related things, as I love to help people and in turn by helping them grow into a better Dom.

If you’ve stuck with me thus far, Thank you.  Please stick around, chat, ask questions whatever you wish. It is all a learning process for me, and hopefully you too.

Regards,

Syn.