As My Little fae and I were sharing some time together today, we were discussing expectation…she recently Blogged a little about her expectations in a Dom, and requested that I do the same for my expectations of a Sub.
So, I am putting a post on protocol I have on the back burner in favor of this, as I think it is important for both myself to have it in writing as well as her, and you the reader. I’m looking to list a few things as well as expand on them to explain my reasoning and thought process on each so that Myself, and she have a clearer understanding of what I expect. That said – she meets most if not all of these expectations or far surpasses them already. I will at some point revise and update this in a later post as/if things change.
- Intelligence – Very important to me, in my vanilla life I dated women who were either unintelligent or played dumb a lot. As I get older, I find less and less time for dumb people…and Intelligence breeds excellent conversation which is sexy, and a useful skill both in a D/s dynamic and every day life.
- Takes pride in her public appearance – I am not saying she must be immaculate ALL of the time…however as a submissive reflects on her Dom her appearance on a whole is important to me. Sure going out to get a coffee or a snack from the corner store in grubby’s happens, however said attire would in no way be acceptable at say a coffee with other lifestylers, or even vanilla relations. Dress and hygiene is a very important part of first impressions and a nice pair of jeans and top is acceptable in 90% of these interactions… I LOVE jeans on a woman, but my Submissive also knowing that wearing a skirt, dress, or other casual business attire appropriate to the situation is important.
- Must be willing to learn and experience new things – a very important part of mutual and personal growth, new experiences and information leads back to point 1 and intelligent conversation.
- Be respectful and well-mannered – Manners are rare…Respect even more so, having good manners and being respectful of those that deserve said respect (which is everyone until there is reason to take it away) is paramount to public appearance and in general good karma – it costs us nothing to put out good vibes into the world and in turn perhaps they will come back to us. I by NO MEANS expect my submissive to be a doormat, To anyone. EVER. I respect my submissive as a partner, lover and confidante and she should be treated by others as they would either treat me as a Dominant, or just in general as good manners allow, I leave this to her discretion to decide when respect and manners are a non-issue in her dealings with people.
- Willing to follow direction and offer feedback at an appropriate time – In whatever way I offer direction be it in a scene, at a social gathering or other time. If a direction is given I expect it to be followed out quickly and efficiently. Caveat’s to this Include Hard or soft limits – those should be discussed Prior, but if the need arises she should feel free to bring these issues to me immediately so I can correct -my- behavior to be in her best interests.
- Able to discuss ANY and ALL concerns, issues, or problems with me – Communication, trust, openness and honesty. I want these to be the foundation our D/s relationship, I can and will talk about anything that my submissive deems important to both her well-being, mine and that of our dynamic…Too many times I have been in relationships where NONE of these were even remotely in the picture.
- Be willing able and ready to serve – an All encompassing ideal…. in making life easier for her Sir in terms of creature comforts, I believe her Sir would then have more time to have his subs best interests met…. I will branch into this topic more readily in my post on protocol as I believe there are different levels of service and protocol that fall in here, I am by no means expecting a slave, that is not the dynamic I wish for, as I desire a submissive who is an equal in other ways…. My little fae knows this.
- Sexual service – I have a High Sex drive, I would expect my sub to be ready to serve any time I am ready…. however – instigation by her is not out of the question either, as it pleases me to see my submissive’s needs met in any and all arena’s required. She is after all mine and I wish to have my possessions happy, healthy and contented. I have no problem saying no…but that word in this area will be rare, if ever.
One final one that is long enough that a Bullet will not do it justice – My Submissive needs to understand that this is a growth process for us both, I desire open lines of communication, but over all I wish for her to indeed have thoughts and a mind of her own to offer advice on how I can better meet her needs and care for her….which ties into her being able to direct me to information she deems important, thoughts, Ideas and indeed ways for us to both have our needs met. For example : if she desires to serve but saying “I would appreciate if you let me cook for you once a week as a small token” and as my little fae is apt to say – stay out of the kitchen and let me do it 😛 this is acceptable to me provided she realizes I may at some point offer to set the table, or be her sous chef…. I am not a Tyrannical Dom, Simply a man who desires to grow in the lifestyle with US in mind.
I’ve been fairly serious in this post, as it was a serious request. I took it as such… I should also point out, that I in no way expect this to be 24/7, Dot and I have agreed that first and foremost we are best friends and our dynamic in vanilla life and indeed in certain private instances is something we value and will not change…. simply seeing this for you, dear reader does not do our dynamic justice, however it will hopefully serve to enhance it.
So until the next post, with regards,