Holiday’s, Limits, and Vanilla life.

I’m going to be indisposed this week…

My little fae is on holiday’s! I love her holidays, it gives us much more time together, and honestly it shows me a Closer glimpse of what the future holds for us. Being together as much as we are when she’s not working allows us time to do Vanilla couple stuff – Get Groceries, have a home cooked meal together, watch some TV… pretty unexciting BDSM-wise BUT it means the world to me.

Already this week we’ve spent some time visiting her Family and she got to see a, aunt she hasn’t seen in 10 years…We’ve talked non-stop, even after 5 years we could talk 6 hours a day and not think a thing of it…and still do on weekends, apparently this is odd according to a Close mutual friend who said – I don’t think I’ve talked to my husband a TOTAL of 6 hours since we’ve been married (this is over exaggeration on her part, just a bit). We had a play date and discovered a few Soft limits weren’t really limits at all. For either of us.

I have also discovered a couple of things in the BDSM arena.

My little fae is NOT a delicate thing that I have to be extremely careful with, she will not break… I was always worried because in the past while messing around I hurt someone in a completely vanilla setting, but it has always made me mindful of my own strength and perhaps without realizing it a self imposed Limit. I’ve found out that my little fae Enjoys pain….A lot…together we call her a Pain Slut…but that has a negative connotation for most, (not us) so as far as we are concerned she is simply a masochist when we speak publicly…She will not misbehave just for punishment…the psychological aspect of punishment pretty much denies her the pleasure she would otherwise get.

Good to know.

Take care of yourselves this week, I’ll be back maybe later this week, maybe next.

Regards,

Syn

What I am Not.

What I have realized, over the past little while is not what I am, but what I am not.

I have a pretty clear definition of what being a Dominant means to me at this stage of my Journey. What I have noticed at a semi-alarming rate is the amount of people who don’t have a hot fucking clue what being anything BDSM related is.

Let me be clear: people that are unsure or learning are one thing, but if you consider yourself a “Master” and your fetishes are Cuddling, Blowjobs and talking dirty – you may need to do some reading, or if you’re lucky enough to have a slave/sub that hasn’t questioned your motives, re-evaluate your title.

I have nothing but respect for people who realize who and what they are – Kinksters, Sadomasochists, Service tops, Masters, Sadists, Daddy Doms, Primal Doms. All of these titles are seen regularly, along with Littles, masochists, Submissives, Pets, and every other variation of the roles.

Do you know what it means to be your chosen identifier ?

I am in the process of reading Micheal Makai’s book. The first Few chapters are ALL dedicated to his identification of “titles”, and coincidentally I highly recommend checking out his podcast on youtube, and his website. ESPECIALLY if you are new to the lifestyle, curious, or have questions about your dynamic or partner.

So enter my Rant.

I’ve come across people, and I’m going to lump them into the category of Pretenders.

Those of you who have been in the lifestyle or are trying to become more serious about your role, have likely seen/heard of them. “Dominants” that don’t have their own shit together. This Irks me to no end. Dominants can spot another Dominant or a potential submissive with-in moments of meeting them or in some cases simply entering a room, or interacting with them online. Then we have the ones that consider themselves “dominant” because they can’t set their head around submitting because they think it will Crush their manhood, or womanhood… or they want to be called Sir/Ma’am. These Dom/me’s/Masters/Mistresses, aren’t just fooling themselves. What happens to the Submissive/Slave/Little that is new to the lifestyle and are immediately pounced on by these types ?

As of late a lot of women, men and other gender identification types have taken more interest in BDSM, thanks to the 50 Shades trilogy. Now for those that are genuinely trying to learn the reality of things I welcome you, do what you can to learn, ask questions….Figure out if the reality of the Lifestyle is something you want to be involved in.

To those of you preying on these uninformed people – Knock it the fuck off.  Just because you call yourself “Master” or “Sir” or “Ma’am” and you see an easy mark that you can get to cook for you, and have sex with you, doesn’t mean you are. Your Title is earned from your partner, and that goes for submissives/LG’s/pets too. If you want to just be around the lifestyle, so be it…. But don’t disrespect those of us that have EARNED the right to be called Sir, Master or Any other Title (this includes the Submissive aspect as well).

BDSM and D/s is (to me) about far more than just flogging, ropes, kinky sex, and the physical aspect. It’s about trust, honor, and doing whats right for your partner. Selfish motives, instant gratification, and non-emotional involvement are a slippery slope to completely screwing up your partner mentally, and emotionally. This goes for Dominant archetypes, and submissive alike.

the long and short of it: Quit pretending… or at least don’t choose a role by default and take advantage of people who think you’re the “real deal”…it’s wrong, immoral and Destructive. In the end if all you want is a physical relationship, go to craigslist… or at the very least, take the time to learn from people with real world experience how to grow into your chosen title.

I AM a Dominant. My little fae calls me Sir, it took almost 4 years for me to allow her to do so, because I Had to earn it, both from her, and from myself. I Am not a Master – Yet, I have to earn it.

Enjoy your weekend A/all.

Regards,

Syn

Work, but Worth it.

Normally I would have posted yesterday, but it was a long weekend for us here much like Presidents day in the U.S. so Dot and I got to spend Much more time together.

I suppose I should also talk a bit about something that happened to U/us this weekend, it’s pretty major and honestly I’m pretty happy with the way it turned out.

I’ve known for years Dot is slightly Manic – she has ups and downs, good days, good years, and just as many bad… however on Sunday (our day together) Something was wrong, I knew it almost immediately. Usually on Sundays she sleeps in, and then when she gets up (as I sleep a lot less than she does), she has messaged me on Gtalk, Facebook, or even in one of the MMO’s we play together with-in 10 or so minutes. This was not the case this Sunday, I KNEW she was awake but thought nothing of it until a couple of hours had passed and still nothing from my little fae.

When she Finally (as she said) stopped fighting with herself, she contacted me and warned me that it was not a good day.  She was crying, with no rhyme or reason why. There is not much one can do over text, so I was feeling slightly helpless to do much, However after a bit of coaxing, she decided to bathe at my house where the possibility of teens, phone calls, and a certain small clingy cat could not bother her.

In preparation I Immediately cleared out as much as I could from my bathroom, I live like a bachelor in some respects even though my little fae still “owns” at least 25% of my space…. I drew a bath for her with Epsom salts, warm, but not hot, and began lighting all the candles I could find. She arrived and into the tub she went, I know my little fae well enough that I thought it best to leave her be for a while, and did so….Eventually I simply went to her and knelt by the tub, Grabbed a sponge and simply Rubbed her back with it while she silently let the tears fall.

Looking back after much discussion I know a few things now that I had a vague idea about, but never knew for sure… In a perfect world, Dot would be quiet, subservient, and free of emotion…at least this is HER perfect world….or was.

She was scared of showing me this part of herself, I can’t say I blame her – this was Dot at her most Raw and Vulnerable… something I don’t think she has ever shown anyone. I did what I thought was right…. I let her get it out, and just held her, wrapped in a towel and trying to make her feel as safe and comfortable with sharing this process as I could.

Once she seemed to be more at peace with things I assigned a lesson or two for her. She was to Write (again) an entry when she got home talking about her feelings now that I had been thrown into the process, This is to open up her emotional and feeling side, which she neglects frequently. As well as 300 Lines of “I will not Fight with my emotional spring cleaning” to take care of her OCD/analytical side…These sides of her brain are rarely on the same page, however with some guidance and love, I think we can at least have them play well once in a while for the betterment of her well being.

We ended the night with a bit of service.

I’ll admit I was reluctant to have her serve me, at all that night. Sundays for us are usually training nights, and she was most definitely not in the head space for that, so we did some very simple recap, and discussion/review with the training collar on, the last portion of the night was simply spent with the intent of tiring her out as much physically as I knew she would be mentally, while still enjoying myself. A success btw.

For those of you reading this, I want to share two very very important things, one from a Dom’s perspective, and another from just a generic stance.

Domination and Submission is not all pretty leather, erotic service, and Dirty talk.

It’s hard fucking work. If you want to be more than a “Kinkster” or “just in the bedroom” then fucking work at it… as a Dom your sub is going to NEED YOU. Not just physically, but emotionally and mentally. be Prepared, if you truly value her total submission, then you better be able to put aside your insecurities about why she didn’t call immediately, or put aside your raging hard on, and just be there for her.  Domination means you are going to have to equally stern and hard, as well as gentle, caring and understanding. If you can’t do that, or at least try – Do not lead a submissive down the garden path if you have no intention of delivering.

From a generic point of View – Reverse what I just said to fit a Submissive mindset – A Real Dom wants it all the Good, the bad, the ugly. your DOm will want to hold you when you cry, Care for you when you’re sick. Your Dom will want ALL OF YOU.  Not just the slinky outfit and seductive smile. Share with your Sir, or Ma’am… Your physical, mental and emotional well being should be their top Priority, and if you unprepared to at least -try- to give it all, you do a Disservice to your Dominant.

My little fae has made so much Progress these last few days in sharing these things with me, I am very Proud of her… it’s not perfect, but it’s OURS.

I am a very Contented Sir.

Regards,

Syn

As Long as I’m with Her.

So! Valentines day…

Some love it, some hate it. Personally I hate it less than I used to, Dot and I do not get hung up on the whole traditional Chocolates, Roses, Gold and jewelry…

 

Dot got me a Vanilla MasterCard to Purchase a Premium membership to The Upper Floor.com, some Reese’s PB cups (my Chocolate Kryptonite) and A lovely kink related card.

She really gets me. 😀 I am beyond ecstatic at the premium membership not only because – Hey Porn! BUT it is an informational Jackpot for our D/s Dynamic. A real Functional Look into a 24/7 environment based on protocol, and Etiquette.  This will allow me to be a better Sir for her and that is the greatest gift I could ask for this Valentines day. I will say – entering the info I have had the vanilla MC declined twice…but no service charge thus far…so I am hoping it is just taking time to associate my postal code with the account….I’ll try again tomorrow. 🙂

In saying all that, the remainder of this post is for her.

I said a little to you on our vanilla Facebook profiles, but I want you to know, Before I met you my little fae, I don’t know how I ever thought that THAT was living, you have shown me the value of so much. From the power of Submission and Dominance and how it can Bring us Closer, as our Mutual Friend said today, that red Line with you on one side and me on the other is drawing us closer and closer….we are naturally becoming more O/one soul than ever…. you asked if I was OK with it, and I am…. before U/us I was so adamant about being myself….and with you I can be….utterly and completely and that is what is binding us closer. Our Dynamic is something I wouldn’t trade for the world, we have our Local community confused as fuck about us I think…. but our brand of D/s is unique, Fluid and just feels natural, it’s not forced, it’s own animal, Alive, changing and evolving daily.

I love our sense of humor you can make me laugh, and your energy plays so well with mine, encouraging, coaxing, testing and keeping me on guard…. you have no Idea how much I value how well my inner Sadist and your Inner Masochist play together, and not just physically, mentally as well we can constantly push each other to think, consider and evaluate…. I love your Mind, our light and dark dance together so well.

I love the way you have allowed me to be in the kids lives, making a positive impact in your youngest’s life means the world to me, I may never get to know my son, but in some small way even though I am not her father, you have given me the gift of having an impact in helping make her the woman she is today. I am honored to have been able to be a positive role-model in her life, for that there is no words, and I am a better Man because of it.

You my little fae have shown me, through submission the most vulnerable part of your soul. As your Dominant – I promise to love, honor, cherish the gift you have given me. I promise to learn how better to not only accept your submission, but foster and nurture it. I promise to Protect you with every fiber of my soul and every breath in my body, Along this road I will show you my dark secrets, I will bare my soul in kind to you. Never will I take it for granted, I will always keep it close to my heart, protected, safe and loved. I can’t promise it will be easy, but As you have given me all of you, I will return the gift, you deserve no less.

As your Sir, I Promise that I will learn from you, as much as I can how to better care for you, and help you see exactly what it is I see when I look at you.

I see before me my best friend, my lover, my conscience, my voice of reason.

I see before me my little fae, my good girl, my little slut, my little whore.

I see before me A soul I have known many lifetimes over, A moment of A life lived together as one, a soul that whispers, shouts, and holds mine closer day by day.

I see you my little fae.

I see my soul mate.

I love you.

Always and eternally yours,

 

Syn.

The Three Fold Rule, and D/s.

When I write, you are seeing my daily thoughts, I don’t consider, I don’t take 2 or 3 days to think of a topic, I just write…. whatever is on my mind that day or the day after if I need time to process. I edit lightly but for the most part, what you see is what you get, I’m a pretty open guy and today I was open with my little fae about something I had resigned to never tell a soul.

The story itself is still something I’d prefer to keep the particulars of between herself and I, less for anonymity and more because it shows a part of myself that is dead, buried and was absorbed into the Syn that walks around today.  Essentially I was a Vanilla Slave to a girl (not woman)  who was a mentally abusive Master.  I had no idea that was the case, until I related the story to Dot and the words were out of my mouth. I’ll save you the particulars as I said, but for illustration, for a period of about a month just to be closer to her, I slept at the foot of her bed on the floor fully clothed, with no energy put back into the devotion to her I showed. In Vanilla land, many people would say I was completely and utterly friend zoned.

So whats the point ?

Well I’ve been watching the show “My Cat from Hell” on animal planet since last night, and Jackson (basically a cat whisperer) talks a lot about putting energy in and getting energy back. From an animalistic point of view, which is what we are, we get back what we put out – Pagans call this the three-fold rule. What ever you put out into the world will come back to you three-fold.

I have evolved into a more Dominant personality, however it was always there, just repressed. I desire to nurture, teach and guide people to be better than they are, and be the best they can be. Everyone deserves this, and should have someone who believes just as much as they do that they do deserve it, and are worthy of a partner that see’s and can bring it out in them. My little fae knows this too, and from the submissive end she is prepared to put forth just as much energy into me as I am to her. Some call this Power Exchange – she willingly submits to me, but, it is because I am the other half of her circle, I need someone to submit as much as she requires someone to submit to.

The word Energy is subjective, it means so many things to so many people. In BDSM and D/s dynamics it can be anything, from a gentle touch and caress, to each swing of the flogger, To every thump of the brush on a bare backside. I am expending Physical, mental and emotional energy and pouring my heart and soul into these lessons, and in turn my little fae uses them to grow and that is my reward her emotional and mental investment meeting my investment and growing as a force together.

If there is one thing I have learned as a Dom in the past five years of actual practice, it’s that you NEED a partner that will take what you give and give it back, Growth and self-improvement are like anything – you need so many sources of energy “in” to make progress that not having a partner on board or willing to invest the same amount of energy into you and your dynamic, will surely create problems. Dom, Sub it doesn’t matter, without some sort of energy exchange you will stagnate – which leads to withering and backward progress. All relationships vanilla, D/s, M/s, DD/lg need both partners to put in effort… if you or your partner cannot invest that energy, no matter how it manifests itself perhaps you need to step back, or step out all together and find someone who will.

Some of you might be thinking I’m crazy, others are nodding their heads in agreement, but I can tell you from personal experience as a 20-year-old doe-struck kid, eventually something WILL break, all that energy, positive or negative has to go somewhere. Find someone who will temper it, nurture it and appreciate it. Make your energy expenditures Positive and those you care about will grow with and nurture you as well.

Love thyself, everything I have said is part of it.

With love for A/all, and regards,

Syn

A Dom, A Sadist, and His Upbringing Walk into a Scene.

Bear with me on this one folks, it might seem a bit disjointed… but it’s going to come out one way or another, so lets see how this goes, shall we ?

Other Dom’s always seem to have their Shit 100% together, it’s hard to reconcile the fact that if that weren’t the case, Fetlife wouldn’t have groups like “Dom Drop support” and “Dominant Support Group” But there it is… others have likely gone through it, and I’m only seeing what I want to see.

I guess some background on what happened might be in order… now let me say – I don’t know if this was dom-drop or not… but I have a feeling it’s something in the ball park.

I’ll start much the way my little fae did in her post regarding Sundays.

I love Sundays, its the one day a week I get much more time with Dot. She’s a mother, business professional and “adopts” stray teens and animals…. So needless to say the time I do get one on one with her (and ANY time for that matter) is extremely precious to me.

Last night was another Landmark in our D/s Dynamic… I decided that my little fae was to have a Pop quiz on her project of memorizing the Upper Floor house Doctrine. So I had her Assume (what we later agreed upon to be our permanent) at attention, now being the sadist that I am, I asked her – how long can you hold this pose ? My little fae is willful and proud and simply replied as long as you wish me to, sir. I told her that was bullshit, and to give me a real answer: 10 minutes Sir. 10 Minutes it will be my little fae. 10 minutes can seem like an eternity when you can’t (won’t) move, and doubly so when some one is telling you things you better be hearing and responding to. I know this because it was done to me in my martial arts training, and I have done it to countless others in that regard in turn.

I am very proud of my little fae, she accomplished exactly what she said she’d do, even in between my taking a flogger and crop to certain area’s of her anatomy both innocent, and not so innocent, but oh so tender.

Now in my belief, no progress comes without a strong dose of humility. I believe we must know our limitations in order to surpass them, and be humble in admitting them and this lesson had not been learned, while demure she can, at the same time seem willful and defiant, so I cuffed her hands and had her bend over the table while flogging her. At the end of that session, I had her preform a squat pose, and this is where, one simple word or the absence of one struck like a great bell.

Sir. That one word is my cardinal rule, to me it is the divider between Dom and Sub and Syn and Dot. When we embarked on a more serious exploration of our already apparent D/s Dynamic and during any lifestyle  related activity we both agreed I was to be called Sir, always, first and foremost.

So, as Dot dropped into her squat pose, I asked how do you feel my little fae ? It HURTS.

I knew then that she knew. Immediately KNEW she forgot the honorific.

“You forgot my name my little fae. stand up and look at me.”

By this time I could tell tears were already welling up behind her eyes. Deep breath Syn, you committed to this, and you love her, you need to correct the behavior so we can move forward.

“Go get the Brush, and come back here.” ‘THE BRUSH’ is a foot long wooden handled stiff brush I use in the shower.

“kneel and wait in front of the couch” At this point I walked away to another room for two purposes. One – I needed to steel myself for what I was about to have to do, and two because my Inner sadist KNOWS Dot hates being left alone to her thoughts….and that little voice wanted to make sure she remembered this lesson and had time to realize why.

I took the Brush and told her to get into the presentation position, in retrospect I should have un-cuffed her and will not make that mistake again.

3 smacks to each ass Cheek, that was what I told myself, and that is what she got. By the Second she was whimpering, but I was committed. Once it was over, it was just that – OVER. behind us, and done. However still being proud of everything else she had accomplished and wanting to reward her for that, I took some time to engage in one of her favorite activities Sensory deprivation. It was slightly off what I had planned for the remainder of the night…but well deserved.

I feel before I continue, I should mention that I will come back to my feelings about our first Major punishment, and my part in it. I do however want to get the rest of the night out, as we did some pretty major Planning and hashing out of protocols and ritual.

So, after Dot came down from subspace, the aftercare was finished and she was more “herself” I wished to talk. We hammered out some Rituals, we now know what phrase will start a scene and what she is to prepare. We also established our Social, Low and Medium Protocols. High Protocol is what we are training for and that will take time, but we will get there we have high expectations of ourselves.

After Dot Left and headed home, I was left alone with my thoughts. Needless to say I was processing like a bastard…Her ass is cherry red, and you LIKED it…but now we feel like shit….but you liked it….you PUNISHED HER! going round and round in my head. I went to bed still thinking, and woke up feeling like I had gone 4 rounds with Ali… Dot wished to grab a coffee and sit with me before work, and I was ok with this…I know she could tell I was “off” things were going round in my head still.

So, as part of my commitment to our journey of being the best D/s we can I am starting back at the gym 4 days a week…. and that was where I was headed after coffee. It’s amazing how therapeutic and  cleansing time with the Iron can be, I imagine on some level it’s like submission, my brain turns off, the endorphins take over and I hear nothing but a Din of Loud Music from my headphones, and my own sounds, pushing myself harder and further, and relishing in the pain. I might be a bit of a sadomasochist.

By the time I walked home I was feeling much better, I had a talk with myself…. I love Dot, unequivocally, utterly and with every ounce of my being, And because I love her and She loves me, on our journey to achieve our goals, I know I am going to have to punish her, and sometimes myself… but that is one of the ways I show her I love her, and believe in us. How can that cause conflict for me ? it likely still will for a while because of the way I was raised, BUT because I can talk to myself and refer back to this post… next time I don’t think it’ll be as hard.

If I ever come to a point where I don’t even feel a small twinge after a particularly tough punishment, then I’ll talk it over again with myself.

But, dear reader, that’s part of the journey of self discovery, isn’t it ?

Until next post, Regards,

Syn

Come, walk with me.

Last Night was a night of firsts for me and my little fae, we’ve mutually agreed and started along the path we’ve discussed and last night W/we took our first step.

After work she came by to spend the night and we spent the first little bit discussing her day, my day and assorted other things…I’ll spare you the details, but eventually my portion of the conversation turned to my Pouring over of The Upper Floor House Doctrine. Now Dot is (was) intimately familiar with it and I’ve been reading it incessantly. The full Slave protocol is pretty much what we’re envisioning for high protocol events minus the presentation for sexual service and related points. Although we are both exhibitionists to a degree, with the way we play, train and interact on that level as Sir and Submissive is entirely too raw and vulnerable to share in public for us for the time being, and perhaps forever, but things change so we shall keep an open mind.

Our scene Started easily enough, with her and I engaged in some foreplay, and my only thought was ok, here we go. I set her a task to Strip the bed and prepare it… and then to put her training collar on and assume the waiting position at the foot of the bed (position 1 in the house doctrine). Now, I know it’s been a long time since Dot has had to Assume the different positions, so, being a Good sir, I decided to have her hold each position to start the muscle memory flowing. I was very very proud of my little fae, she remembered all but one Pose immediately! Once my little fae was Finished I had her re-assume the waiting position, and had a small talk about how we were going to achieve our goals of being a better Sir and His little fae.

Our real training begins in one week. During the next week her homework is thus – copy/paste onto a flashdrive (geek stick)  or otherwise take said rules to work, and in between regular work and her writing assignments, she is to memorize the House Doctrine, and be able to quickly and efficiently recall the information. Now Dot is not a Sponge like me, she is mostly a hands on practical application type of girl so our next training session will consist of going over the positions again, along with a few other things that I don’t want to ruin the surprise of for her ;). Truth be told this is a HUGE step for me, as she is my first ever sub, and I desperately do not want to fuck this up. So, as she has homework, so do I.

I will learn the doctrine as well as I am able, so that I can correct/advise and guide her how better to serve me, and in doing so this will become as much a learning experience for her as it is me, learning how to guide, fairly enforce rules and apply those for us both (with her input) to All of our protocol levels. Now this may seem harsh to other subs or new dom’s… BUT we have high expectations for U/us and we will aim high, and shoot for the best we can do.

So, how am I feeling ? Truth be told, I -am- a little scared which is normal I think and probably something ALL new Dom’s go through (maybe experienced ones too), I’m responsible now, for not only my education, but in a way I am responsible for hers too… I have to guide and teach her to serve me better, and in turn growing and learning with me. I’m excited too, I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t, I crave new experiences, and this most certainly is one. The other prevailing emotion is definitely Love, I would not have the courage to do this if I did not love my little fae with every ounce of my being, she has shown me so much, and been such a good girl up until now. Patience, Caring, love, and gently (in her way) guiding me to realize I’m not a freak, I’m normal… together W/we are our own  special brand of normal, and that’s all that matters.

It’s all a learning curve, this part of my journey is just beginning, and MY education as a Sir, while already underway – just got catapulted into overdrive.

Walk with me my little fae, you are safe, loved, treasured, and I will face whatever comes our way tall, strong and determined, for you.

For YOU.

For U/us.

Regards and enjoy your weekend A/all,

 

Syn