So I’d like to take some time and talk about something that is near and dear to my heart, but not easy for me, which is sort of funny when you consider how wordy I am on this blog. Communication – We all need it in one way or another, we crave interaction, from the biggest introvert to the biggest extrovert… So why is it so hard for us to share with one another ?
From a Dom and Sub or ANY BDSM and kink relationship, communication is the MOST IMPORTANT thing you can have. Open and honest communication breeds trust, allows your partner to understand whats going on, and can help stop problems before they start. Also, in communicating wants, desires, issues, and just generally talking to your partner, and other people you may learn a thing or two about yourself. My little fae wrote about this in her blog the other day, however I wanted to offer my take on our night of discovery together. We were laying in bed (sorry the scenes/sex were long over.) and she said to me – grab your tablet and lets go through Fetlife.com‘s fetish list. After some Prodding I did exactly that (ok so it was more of a swift Kick in the ass than prodding).
We started through the list and Number two seemed to be the elephant in the room: 24/7. We took some time to discuss why or why it wouldn’t work for us, and eventually agreed that our current D/s dynamic bleeds through to regular life enough that we were comfortable where we were. We are, however open to the Idea many years down the road or even organically when we get to that point. We took a good 3 hours when we should have been sleeping going through the list, learning what some of our kinks were called, realizing we were both into certain things that we weren’t aware the other was into either – like Saran Wrap, and laughing at certain things that were just a little too absurd for even us like Dollification. (We do NOT kink shame, ever – but our sense of humor takes things to absurd levels some times and we can’t help but laugh). Doing this gave us time to talk, examine and explore together…I am very glad we did it too, I learned somethings about Dot, and she learned a few things about me, and we’re closer because of it.
Another big one for us (or me at least) has been the topic of Threesome’s. Now, a few red-blooded men (and perhaps women) are about to think I’m completely insane, don’t leave me just yet, let me tell you my reasoning after my confession.
I essentially Made a Threesome (MFF) a hard limit.
Still with me ? Good. Now let me explain why, and the easiest way to do this is to explain just as I did to Dot, so this next bit is going to be done in the First person.
“My little fae, I know you’re Bisexual I accepted that as part of who you are from the get-go, But I have a problem with it, which is completely getting my head where it needs to be, and this is why. I Cannot Separate my head from things like you can…. I can’t Rightly have sex with someone and just be done with it, I have to love them a little…it’s in my nature. I can’t rightly love someone the way I love you, I can’t even entertain the Idea of being poly because of one not so simple emotion: Guilt. I’d feel guilty if I started having feelings for another woman, right now I don’t want anyone but you, and OUR togetherness, happiness and you are my primary concern, all I want to do is be the Best Sir I can for you. ”
She smiled that wonderful smile that lights up her face and kissed me, and said she understood. She won’t press the issue and likely wouldn’t have anyway…but now she knows, I have her best interests (and mine) at heart.
One more issue we’ve talked about lately is Protocol as you can tell from my last post. Dot came over to talk last night after work, and something hit me in the face like a truck… As soon as we have agreed upon protocols in place. We are essentially a house, with myself at the head, and Dot as my Alpha Sub (and only sexual partner). That basically means we’re going to be capable of taking people under protection, have them apply for training, and essentially help mold and train them to be the sub (or dom) they want to be. my initial thought when it hit me was : oh shit oh shit oh shit.
Now Dot has been an alpha sub, mentor and protector before and I have no doubt that as the realization dawned on me and I explained why I looked like a deer was headed for me at 50 km/h. If she didn’t think I was ready for the responsibility of it, she would have stopped me right there… Dot takes her responsibilities in this arena VERY seriously, and if she thought I would be a danger to a prospective person seeking training she’d tell me immediately. I will becoming back to this topic, I just wanted to use it as an example, I need to research and see what all this entails, along with picking Dot’s brain as she has been a member of a house before.
I hope with these examples the one prevailing thing you realize is that if something is on our minds we talk about it, good, bad or ugly. That’s what it’s all about, just open your mouth and talk. It can solve so many problems and self Doubt. Communication is indeed key, from solving problems, to sharing feelings, to dispensing punishment. It’s all relevant.
So untill next time.