Bear with me on this one folks, it might seem a bit disjointed… but it’s going to come out one way or another, so lets see how this goes, shall we ?
Other Dom’s always seem to have their Shit 100% together, it’s hard to reconcile the fact that if that weren’t the case, Fetlife wouldn’t have groups like “Dom Drop support” and “Dominant Support Group” But there it is… others have likely gone through it, and I’m only seeing what I want to see.
I guess some background on what happened might be in order… now let me say – I don’t know if this was dom-drop or not… but I have a feeling it’s something in the ball park.
I’ll start much the way my little fae did in her post regarding Sundays.
I love Sundays, its the one day a week I get much more time with Dot. She’s a mother, business professional and “adopts” stray teens and animals…. So needless to say the time I do get one on one with her (and ANY time for that matter) is extremely precious to me.
Last night was another Landmark in our D/s Dynamic… I decided that my little fae was to have a Pop quiz on her project of memorizing the Upper Floor house Doctrine. So I had her Assume (what we later agreed upon to be our permanent) at attention, now being the sadist that I am, I asked her – how long can you hold this pose ? My little fae is willful and proud and simply replied as long as you wish me to, sir. I told her that was bullshit, and to give me a real answer: 10 minutes Sir. 10 Minutes it will be my little fae. 10 minutes can seem like an eternity when you can’t (won’t) move, and doubly so when some one is telling you things you better be hearing and responding to. I know this because it was done to me in my martial arts training, and I have done it to countless others in that regard in turn.
I am very proud of my little fae, she accomplished exactly what she said she’d do, even in between my taking a flogger and crop to certain area’s of her anatomy both innocent, and not so innocent, but oh so tender.
Now in my belief, no progress comes without a strong dose of humility. I believe we must know our limitations in order to surpass them, and be humble in admitting them and this lesson had not been learned, while demure she can, at the same time seem willful and defiant, so I cuffed her hands and had her bend over the table while flogging her. At the end of that session, I had her preform a squat pose, and this is where, one simple word or the absence of one struck like a great bell.
Sir. That one word is my cardinal rule, to me it is the divider between Dom and Sub and Syn and Dot. When we embarked on a more serious exploration of our already apparent D/s Dynamic and during any lifestyle related activity we both agreed I was to be called Sir, always, first and foremost.
So, as Dot dropped into her squat pose, I asked how do you feel my little fae ? It HURTS.
I knew then that she knew. Immediately KNEW she forgot the honorific.
“You forgot my name my little fae. stand up and look at me.”
By this time I could tell tears were already welling up behind her eyes. Deep breath Syn, you committed to this, and you love her, you need to correct the behavior so we can move forward.
“Go get the Brush, and come back here.” ‘THE BRUSH’ is a foot long wooden handled stiff brush I use in the shower.
“kneel and wait in front of the couch” At this point I walked away to another room for two purposes. One – I needed to steel myself for what I was about to have to do, and two because my Inner sadist KNOWS Dot hates being left alone to her thoughts….and that little voice wanted to make sure she remembered this lesson and had time to realize why.
I took the Brush and told her to get into the presentation position, in retrospect I should have un-cuffed her and will not make that mistake again.
3 smacks to each ass Cheek, that was what I told myself, and that is what she got. By the Second she was whimpering, but I was committed. Once it was over, it was just that – OVER. behind us, and done. However still being proud of everything else she had accomplished and wanting to reward her for that, I took some time to engage in one of her favorite activities Sensory deprivation. It was slightly off what I had planned for the remainder of the night…but well deserved.
I feel before I continue, I should mention that I will come back to my feelings about our first Major punishment, and my part in it. I do however want to get the rest of the night out, as we did some pretty major Planning and hashing out of protocols and ritual.
So, after Dot came down from subspace, the aftercare was finished and she was more “herself” I wished to talk. We hammered out some Rituals, we now know what phrase will start a scene and what she is to prepare. We also established our Social, Low and Medium Protocols. High Protocol is what we are training for and that will take time, but we will get there we have high expectations of ourselves.
After Dot Left and headed home, I was left alone with my thoughts. Needless to say I was processing like a bastard…Her ass is cherry red, and you LIKED it…but now we feel like shit….but you liked it….you PUNISHED HER! going round and round in my head. I went to bed still thinking, and woke up feeling like I had gone 4 rounds with Ali… Dot wished to grab a coffee and sit with me before work, and I was ok with this…I know she could tell I was “off” things were going round in my head still.
So, as part of my commitment to our journey of being the best D/s we can I am starting back at the gym 4 days a week…. and that was where I was headed after coffee. It’s amazing how therapeutic and cleansing time with the Iron can be, I imagine on some level it’s like submission, my brain turns off, the endorphins take over and I hear nothing but a Din of Loud Music from my headphones, and my own sounds, pushing myself harder and further, and relishing in the pain. I might be a bit of a sadomasochist.
By the time I walked home I was feeling much better, I had a talk with myself…. I love Dot, unequivocally, utterly and with every ounce of my being, And because I love her and She loves me, on our journey to achieve our goals, I know I am going to have to punish her, and sometimes myself… but that is one of the ways I show her I love her, and believe in us. How can that cause conflict for me ? it likely still will for a while because of the way I was raised, BUT because I can talk to myself and refer back to this post… next time I don’t think it’ll be as hard.
If I ever come to a point where I don’t even feel a small twinge after a particularly tough punishment, then I’ll talk it over again with myself.
But, dear reader, that’s part of the journey of self discovery, isn’t it ?
Until next post, Regards,