When I write, you are seeing my daily thoughts, I don’t consider, I don’t take 2 or 3 days to think of a topic, I just write…. whatever is on my mind that day or the day after if I need time to process. I edit lightly but for the most part, what you see is what you get, I’m a pretty open guy and today I was open with my little fae about something I had resigned to never tell a soul.
The story itself is still something I’d prefer to keep the particulars of between herself and I, less for anonymity and more because it shows a part of myself that is dead, buried and was absorbed into the Syn that walks around today. Essentially I was a Vanilla Slave to a girl (not woman) who was a mentally abusive Master. I had no idea that was the case, until I related the story to Dot and the words were out of my mouth. I’ll save you the particulars as I said, but for illustration, for a period of about a month just to be closer to her, I slept at the foot of her bed on the floor fully clothed, with no energy put back into the devotion to her I showed. In Vanilla land, many people would say I was completely and utterly friend zoned.
So whats the point ?
Well I’ve been watching the show “My Cat from Hell” on animal planet since last night, and Jackson (basically a cat whisperer) talks a lot about putting energy in and getting energy back. From an animalistic point of view, which is what we are, we get back what we put out – Pagans call this the three-fold rule. What ever you put out into the world will come back to you three-fold.
I have evolved into a more Dominant personality, however it was always there, just repressed. I desire to nurture, teach and guide people to be better than they are, and be the best they can be. Everyone deserves this, and should have someone who believes just as much as they do that they do deserve it, and are worthy of a partner that see’s and can bring it out in them. My little fae knows this too, and from the submissive end she is prepared to put forth just as much energy into me as I am to her. Some call this Power Exchange – she willingly submits to me, but, it is because I am the other half of her circle, I need someone to submit as much as she requires someone to submit to.
The word Energy is subjective, it means so many things to so many people. In BDSM and D/s dynamics it can be anything, from a gentle touch and caress, to each swing of the flogger, To every thump of the brush on a bare backside. I am expending Physical, mental and emotional energy and pouring my heart and soul into these lessons, and in turn my little fae uses them to grow and that is my reward her emotional and mental investment meeting my investment and growing as a force together.
If there is one thing I have learned as a Dom in the past five years of actual practice, it’s that you NEED a partner that will take what you give and give it back, Growth and self-improvement are like anything – you need so many sources of energy “in” to make progress that not having a partner on board or willing to invest the same amount of energy into you and your dynamic, will surely create problems. Dom, Sub it doesn’t matter, without some sort of energy exchange you will stagnate – which leads to withering and backward progress. All relationships vanilla, D/s, M/s, DD/lg need both partners to put in effort… if you or your partner cannot invest that energy, no matter how it manifests itself perhaps you need to step back, or step out all together and find someone who will.
Some of you might be thinking I’m crazy, others are nodding their heads in agreement, but I can tell you from personal experience as a 20-year-old doe-struck kid, eventually something WILL break, all that energy, positive or negative has to go somewhere. Find someone who will temper it, nurture it and appreciate it. Make your energy expenditures Positive and those you care about will grow with and nurture you as well.
Love thyself, everything I have said is part of it.
With love for A/all, and regards,