Normally I would have posted yesterday, but it was a long weekend for us here much like Presidents day in the U.S. so Dot and I got to spend Much more time together.
I suppose I should also talk a bit about something that happened to U/us this weekend, it’s pretty major and honestly I’m pretty happy with the way it turned out.
I’ve known for years Dot is slightly Manic – she has ups and downs, good days, good years, and just as many bad… however on Sunday (our day together) Something was wrong, I knew it almost immediately. Usually on Sundays she sleeps in, and then when she gets up (as I sleep a lot less than she does), she has messaged me on Gtalk, Facebook, or even in one of the MMO’s we play together with-in 10 or so minutes. This was not the case this Sunday, I KNEW she was awake but thought nothing of it until a couple of hours had passed and still nothing from my little fae.
When she Finally (as she said) stopped fighting with herself, she contacted me and warned me that it was not a good day. She was crying, with no rhyme or reason why. There is not much one can do over text, so I was feeling slightly helpless to do much, However after a bit of coaxing, she decided to bathe at my house where the possibility of teens, phone calls, and a certain small clingy cat could not bother her.
In preparation I Immediately cleared out as much as I could from my bathroom, I live like a bachelor in some respects even though my little fae still “owns” at least 25% of my space…. I drew a bath for her with Epsom salts, warm, but not hot, and began lighting all the candles I could find. She arrived and into the tub she went, I know my little fae well enough that I thought it best to leave her be for a while, and did so….Eventually I simply went to her and knelt by the tub, Grabbed a sponge and simply Rubbed her back with it while she silently let the tears fall.
Looking back after much discussion I know a few things now that I had a vague idea about, but never knew for sure… In a perfect world, Dot would be quiet, subservient, and free of emotion…at least this is HER perfect world….or was.
She was scared of showing me this part of herself, I can’t say I blame her – this was Dot at her most Raw and Vulnerable… something I don’t think she has ever shown anyone. I did what I thought was right…. I let her get it out, and just held her, wrapped in a towel and trying to make her feel as safe and comfortable with sharing this process as I could.
Once she seemed to be more at peace with things I assigned a lesson or two for her. She was to Write (again) an entry when she got home talking about her feelings now that I had been thrown into the process, This is to open up her emotional and feeling side, which she neglects frequently. As well as 300 Lines of “I will not Fight with my emotional spring cleaning” to take care of her OCD/analytical side…These sides of her brain are rarely on the same page, however with some guidance and love, I think we can at least have them play well once in a while for the betterment of her well being.
We ended the night with a bit of service.
I’ll admit I was reluctant to have her serve me, at all that night. Sundays for us are usually training nights, and she was most definitely not in the head space for that, so we did some very simple recap, and discussion/review with the training collar on, the last portion of the night was simply spent with the intent of tiring her out as much physically as I knew she would be mentally, while still enjoying myself. A success btw.
For those of you reading this, I want to share two very very important things, one from a Dom’s perspective, and another from just a generic stance.
Domination and Submission is not all pretty leather, erotic service, and Dirty talk.
It’s hard fucking work. If you want to be more than a “Kinkster” or “just in the bedroom” then fucking work at it… as a Dom your sub is going to NEED YOU. Not just physically, but emotionally and mentally. be Prepared, if you truly value her total submission, then you better be able to put aside your insecurities about why she didn’t call immediately, or put aside your raging hard on, and just be there for her. Domination means you are going to have to equally stern and hard, as well as gentle, caring and understanding. If you can’t do that, or at least try – Do not lead a submissive down the garden path if you have no intention of delivering.
From a generic point of View – Reverse what I just said to fit a Submissive mindset – A Real Dom wants it all the Good, the bad, the ugly. your DOm will want to hold you when you cry, Care for you when you’re sick. Your Dom will want ALL OF YOU. Not just the slinky outfit and seductive smile. Share with your Sir, or Ma’am… Your physical, mental and emotional well being should be their top Priority, and if you unprepared to at least -try- to give it all, you do a Disservice to your Dominant.
My little fae has made so much Progress these last few days in sharing these things with me, I am very Proud of her… it’s not perfect, but it’s OURS.
I am a very Contented Sir.