What I have realized, over the past little while is not what I am, but what I am not.
I have a pretty clear definition of what being a Dominant means to me at this stage of my Journey. What I have noticed at a semi-alarming rate is the amount of people who don’t have a hot fucking clue what being anything BDSM related is.
Let me be clear: people that are unsure or learning are one thing, but if you consider yourself a “Master” and your fetishes are Cuddling, Blowjobs and talking dirty – you may need to do some reading, or if you’re lucky enough to have a slave/sub that hasn’t questioned your motives, re-evaluate your title.
I have nothing but respect for people who realize who and what they are – Kinksters, Sadomasochists, Service tops, Masters, Sadists, Daddy Doms, Primal Doms. All of these titles are seen regularly, along with Littles, masochists, Submissives, Pets, and every other variation of the roles.
Do you know what it means to be your chosen identifier ?
I am in the process of reading Micheal Makai’s book. The first Few chapters are ALL dedicated to his identification of “titles”, and coincidentally I highly recommend checking out his podcast on youtube, and his website. ESPECIALLY if you are new to the lifestyle, curious, or have questions about your dynamic or partner.
So enter my Rant.
I’ve come across people, and I’m going to lump them into the category of Pretenders.
Those of you who have been in the lifestyle or are trying to become more serious about your role, have likely seen/heard of them. “Dominants” that don’t have their own shit together. This Irks me to no end. Dominants can spot another Dominant or a potential submissive with-in moments of meeting them or in some cases simply entering a room, or interacting with them online. Then we have the ones that consider themselves “dominant” because they can’t set their head around submitting because they think it will Crush their manhood, or womanhood… or they want to be called Sir/Ma’am. These Dom/me’s/Masters/Mistresses, aren’t just fooling themselves. What happens to the Submissive/Slave/Little that is new to the lifestyle and are immediately pounced on by these types ?
As of late a lot of women, men and other gender identification types have taken more interest in BDSM, thanks to the 50 Shades trilogy. Now for those that are genuinely trying to learn the reality of things I welcome you, do what you can to learn, ask questions….Figure out if the reality of the Lifestyle is something you want to be involved in.
To those of you preying on these uninformed people – Knock it the fuck off. Just because you call yourself “Master” or “Sir” or “Ma’am” and you see an easy mark that you can get to cook for you, and have sex with you, doesn’t mean you are. Your Title is earned from your partner, and that goes for submissives/LG’s/pets too. If you want to just be around the lifestyle, so be it…. But don’t disrespect those of us that have EARNED the right to be called Sir, Master or Any other Title (this includes the Submissive aspect as well).
BDSM and D/s is (to me) about far more than just flogging, ropes, kinky sex, and the physical aspect. It’s about trust, honor, and doing whats right for your partner. Selfish motives, instant gratification, and non-emotional involvement are a slippery slope to completely screwing up your partner mentally, and emotionally. This goes for Dominant archetypes, and submissive alike.
the long and short of it: Quit pretending… or at least don’t choose a role by default and take advantage of people who think you’re the “real deal”…it’s wrong, immoral and Destructive. In the end if all you want is a physical relationship, go to craigslist… or at the very least, take the time to learn from people with real world experience how to grow into your chosen title.
I AM a Dominant. My little fae calls me Sir, it took almost 4 years for me to allow her to do so, because I Had to earn it, both from her, and from myself. I Am not a Master – Yet, I have to earn it.
Enjoy your weekend A/all.