Weeks and Weakness.

The last week has Been trying for me….on many Fronts…So I suppose I will write a little on all of the recent going’s on in my and my little fae’s life.

I suppose the biggest thing is that my little fae has been sick…She has Allergies and with the recent fast melt, they have gotten to her pretty badly. Because of this, our Play and Training sessions were postponed. I understand the fact that in a perfect world everything would be ALL D/s ALL the time…However life happens….Dot being the considerate person she is did not want to get me sick and so most of her time was spent at home, with a night or two spent at my house. I must admit I missed her terribly during this time, the closer we become as a couple, a dynamic and Sir and my little Fae the harder I find it to be separated for any length of time, Even more so when I feel the need to care for her and make her well again.

Another issue I Feel the Need to talk about, are Fetlife messages she has been receiving recently. The particular one in the link I will get back to, but I’d like to address this on a whole. As Dot’s Sir, I understand that she needs autonomy to take care of herself where she can, outside of our dynamic she is an Alpha female, Alpha sub, and very very independent. To that end, I let her deal with her communication in the lifestyle, I am confident in her ability to do so, and as a courtesy she shares the messages with me in much the same manner as the picture above (minus the Redacting of profile information). I find this difficult to do, I have always been a protector even as a vanilla, and in my estimation in D/s circles “dom’s” that would privately message a sub and make even mild sexual overtures within the first few lines are pathetic, nevermind those that would do so to someone whose profile clearly state – owned and Collared as well as monogamous. I struggle with keeping my composure and not losing my shit…the overlying thought being “how fucking dare you ? She is MINE, back off or I’ll verbally rip your head off”. now it hasn’t come to that, and frankly i -do- get a kick out of Dot having her fun with them, she is much more quick minded and articulate than she gives herself credit for.

Now then, the one message in the link above immediately set off red flags for both of us. having spent 10 years working as a bouncer in a very disreputable bar has enabled me to read things very well, and I could tell from both her responses and communication on IM that this man made her very uncomfortable. This was to be one of those rare instances where Dot asked me, that if he messaged one more time to step in. Let me be honest, during ANY of her FL communications she is well aware that I reserve the right to step in and message the person directly, however for the reasons I previously stated I do not. This time I drew up a rough draft of the message I would be sending and I’ll share it here:


                As you are no doubt aware I was informed/Privy to your recent conversation with My Property. While I allow her Autonomy to respond to any and all Fetlife Communication, I Reserve the right to directly message Other Dominants that Approach her in the Manner you have.

As a fellow Dominant, you are no doubt aware that a Friendship request and comments like you have made, (see Librarian Fetish and Inquiry into her ability to play outside our Dynamic) In my opinion are highly inappropriate, suspect, and quite frankly disrespectful to me as her Dominant. Good manners would at the very least dictate that you immediately acquiesced to her suggestion you contact me, as well as reserving the query of her  availability  to play outside our relationship DIRECTLY to me.

Thus I must request that you no longer attempt to contact her without proper Vetting, and/or Real life contact with us both, either at a Munch (which I believe she has informed you the dates of) or another method of our choosing. That said; let me make this plainly Clear, I do not share. A friendship is not off the table, however you would be hard-pressed to recover from the seriously poor first impression you have made on both of us.

Good Day,


I have not had the need to send this yet, as I think Dot’s Question regarding the type of friendship he desired has scared him off.

It Felt good to finally be able to unleash a bit of the frustration I have about the other messages she has received, and unfortunately this poor man, if he answers, will bear the brunt. As I have said it is incredibly difficult to hold my tongue most days.

All-in-all it has been a hard week for me emotionally, and I am looking forward to being able to have some reconnect time with my little fae…. We have a sex industry convention (never sure what to call these things) to go to in a neighboring city Saturday that I am looking forward to, not only for the show, but for the 2 hour there and two hour back trip where it will be just her and I in the car, able to talk, laugh and have some time to just be ourselves with no outside interference. Sunday, it will be the casual coffee that my cities kinksters have started, which is on the opposite week of our munches….and hopefully somewhere in there Some time for Play…..

Here’s to next week being better than the last.



On Being a Burgeoning Sadist.

Being a Dominant is Hard work, I’ve covered that a few times in my previous posts, from Moving a relationship forward to taking care of both yourself and your Sub’s best interests. Dominance and Submission and understanding how they Play together has Been a fairly large part of my journey, I am under no illusions that it will continue to be hard work, or something I ever stop learning about. Nor do I want it to be.

Know what else is hard work ?

Being a sadist.

Last night Dot and I wished to play, we were both not in the right head space for training, so after a short talk we decided that we still wished to play, and Play we did.

I will spare you the details, because this isn’t that type of Blog, BUT I will tell you, Dot’s backside is….Speckled fairly well….Flogger, Crop and Flat out Belt spanking/whipping. I loved every second of it, however I still held back some…Dot was actually surprised I stopped so soon. My reasons for this are part caution, part adjustment.

Here’s the hard work. At least for me.

Mentally I needed to stop, it has taken quite a bit of Self-conversation and reassurance from my little fae that my sadistic tendencies are Ok…. She’s a Masochist and enjoys it…however being raised that Violence is Violence, and WRONG. After some long talks with myself I don’t believe that’s the case…at least not for us. Dot is a Masochist, and thus enjoys pain…in fact in some ways, I assume she’s a lot like my masochistic side and in some ways needs the pain… As a Sadist, I need the release of my tendencies…It allows me another way to show her that I love her. I haven’t fully made sense of it (yet) but I can tell you, During the Play session I felt an overwhelming sense of love, peace and complete Adoration, for the woman laid out before me willingly allowing me to do these things to her.

Aftercare in these types of sessions is incredibly important for me…it helps clear my head space, and bring me down, it helps me reconnect….just holding her and talking…we do however incorporate vanilla sex into aftercare as a way for us to Re-bond… which I think also helps return me to a more “normal” head space. All in all it is a fantastic reassurance that we are still Ok, and I am still meeting both her and my needs.

Adjustment to being a sadist for me will take a bit of time. I keep going just a little bit further to see how far I can push myself and my little fae, however it has been small increments….learning to enter a proper head space is difficult for me to say the least, and that is the major problem…I NEED to express these things, and yet I still struggle afterwards with coming to terms with it, I’m not entirely sure how to become less inclined to feel…Guilty about it afterwards.

Just a short piece today, a little insight into something that is going on in my head… not really sure how to conclude it…so, with that :




Community and Moving Forward.

Recently My little fae and I have Done something Slightly out of Character for us.

Both of us as I have mentioned are introverts, we are comfortable as a pair, and our little Circle of Cats and kids. However as I mentioned in a previous post, we have ventured out into our local kink community. Munches are a matter of our normal routine…Along with another event of a casual nature. In doing so, we have struck up new friendships and rekindled some old ones with familiar (formerly vanilla) faces. I have had the pleasure of not only becoming friends with these people, but realizing that in addition to our BDSM related interests, we have much more in common.

It is odd (for lack of a better term) how much my life has changed in the last 10 years. In my old life, My weekends were spent out at a bar getting as drunk as possible and awkwardly trying to approach women that were completely out for “fresh meat” no thought to anything other than physicality. In those days I couldn’t accept the fact that I am, in fact a huge geek, wasn’t comfortable in my own body, and could not accept that I was an introvert. Most people I associated with in those days were very self absorbed, angsty, and overall very unhealthy.

Many years later, and with no small amount of thanks to my little fae, I am much more comfortable with all of these parts of my personality and physical appearance. Now a days it is much more trendy to be a geek, with the mainstream propelling things like Lord of the Rings, all of the Marvel movies, other fandoms like Doctor WHO,  and interactive video gaming into the limelight. I’ve also become more comfortable in my own skin, and much more body positive….I’m a big man, I stand 5″9 and weigh just under 225 lbs, however thanks to my ongoing Stint with a paleo lifestyle and learning to lift heavy weights I am actually muscled and feel much more physically strong than I ever have. Rather than 35-ish percent bodyfat, I’m closer to the low to mid 20’s. I’ve always also been a hairy man….and I mean hairy like a bear. I used to be embarrassed of this because of the shallow women, and mainstream media I used to listen to, telling me that Real me are hairless, chiseled and perfect. Welp, Fuck that noise, I’m built like a bear, and I’m proud of it.

Since we have joined (ventured?) into our local community Dot and I have had the pleasure of getting to know a couple I will simply refer to by part of their fetlife names, The Captain, and Ayla. We have had the pleasure of having board game nights with this pair…and I don’t mean “party” games like Monopoly and LIFE, I’m talking things like Settlers of Catan and Carcassonne. It’s awesome to be able to share “vanilla” experiences with a pair and if/when something BDSM related slips out, it’s just another part of the conversation. For example, the other night I went from talking with The Captain about his team of tanks on a MMO he plays to discussing their Arsenal of Floggers and other impact play Toys. Even Dot felt comfortable enough to laugh and explain why she was squirming on her chair (her ass got tanned during a play session the night prior).

Enter a Friday night just after a munch. Lets compare to my Fridays from 10 years ago.

Instead of sitting in a bar trying to get shit faced, there I was sitting at a munch with people that accepted me for who I am. 3 hours of sitting, talking, laughing with people of all walks of life, and different kinks. Afterwards we were invited over to The Captain and Ayla’s (who is a Poly couple) to spend some time chatting and playing board games with both of these amazing people AND their Secondaries (I was assured after asking Ayla that secondaries [as in secondary partners] is an appropriate and acceptable term). All in all it was an amazing night.

It has been an amazing and freeing experience to just be comfortable around people in addition to my little fae that are like-minded, open and make me feel comfortable enough that I don’t need to hide ANY aspect of my personality. They have been perfectly happy to become friends with Dot and I, and accept the fact that I am a Sadist, a Geek, A Dom and all of these things make me who I am.

I am very very pleased we have decided to venture out and make Friends in our community, and I cannot wait to foster these relationships, I think overall as Dot and I Grow and continue down our path these people will do nothing but enhance and enrich our experience.

If you haven’t ventured out to meet your local community, why are you waiting ? Jump in, experience this with like-minded people.

Trust me it’s worth it.



This is my Pledge, Not a Simple Bauble.

So, Dot’s Holiday’s are over.  I took Monday to depressurize and get back into the gym so I apologize for the lack of posts.

I want to talk about something that I see a bit of on Social media, be it Facebook, Fetlife, or other Blogs.


For Dot’s Birthday/Valentine’s Gift I ordered her new day Collar, it is a one of a kind from a lovely etsy Store, a heart-shaped Locket with a Faerie on it, which fits through two loops of Nylon cord. words do not do it justice, and when my little fae Posts a Picture of it, I will reblog it for you to see. Needless to say I was beyond thrilled to have it arrive, and I was nervous/proud and quite frankly slightly worried she wouldn’t like it. However I knew from the Glint in her eye she was quite pleased, and I was beyond Pleased….I can’t stop looking at it around her neck.

I should be honest, this is not Dot’s First day collar from me. However, it is her First Official one, as I now understand 100% what I am committing to and what the collar really means to Both of us.

There-in lies what I want to talk about.

As a D/s Dynamic or even M/s Collars are a Visual representation of COMMITMENT.  That commitment can mean many things, from Fidelity to Service, and everything else under the sun. To me, and I am sure to my little fae, it’s not just a fashion accessory. With this collar I am making a pledge to her, and to myself that I will do whatever I can to Protect her, guide her and teach her both to be a better Submissive to me, AND to be the person I see when I look at her. This, to me is just as (if not more) serious than a wedding ring, hand fasting or other item of unification. Her collar is a way to say She is MINE, given of herself willingly and accepted, I will defend, honor and protect her with everything I have, and it should be noted that this is what that collar represents along with my love.

Often I see Collars or chokers or anything of the like simply worn as an accessory or as a bauble that looks good with a certain shirt/pants etc, Teens (and adults) walking around with no idea what it means to those of us in the Lifestyle, or people who self collar themselves…. because it allows them to feel safe…. I do have a small problem with this, because to me, then it is NOT a collar, it is a Choker or piece of jewelry, and the reasons for a collar, and collaring ceremony are simply ignored or lost, it should be a representation of an emotional, mental, and physical bond between two people. Not regarded as a “MUST HAVE” in order to consider yourself a Submissive, even if you are not currently with a Dominant.

“The collar is not uncomfortable. Usually I am not aware it is on me. It is noticeable, of course, when I see my reflection, as, for example, when I wish to adjust it a bit, on my neck, that it may sit more attractively on me. He wishes the lock, for example, to be squarely at the back of my neck. He is clear on that point. It is perhaps the first thing one notes, when one looks upon me, or any girl, whether she is in a collar or not. I think he will keep me in a collar, as he likes me that way. I realize now that I belong in one. I did not always realize that, but I suspected it. Most girls are not collared, but some of us are, particularly those who have been brought here from other places. They expect that we will wear collars. Surely, whether or not a girl wears a collar is the most important thing about her. You see instantly what she is, and you understand how she is to be treated. Too, in the collar, you know what you are to do, and how you are to act. The collar makes things very simple.” – John Norman, Conspirators of Gor (Gorean Saga 31)

Simply put, for my little fae and I, that is what a collar is – The First thing I notice, and I know now how she is to be treated. The collar is secondary to that, but Serves to be a reminder if it all, for both of us. Perhaps if you haven’t, think about what your collar means to you, and Dom’s Do the same, is it an accoutrement? A declaration ? something else ? Do you honor and respect what a Collar signifies in the most raw sense ?

Being down the road in my journey now, I understand what this (not so) simple accessory means, mostly to U/us, but I have a sneaking suspicion there are many out there who don’t, and just as many that do.