On Being a Burgeoning Sadist.

Being a Dominant is Hard work, I’ve covered that a few times in my previous posts, from Moving a relationship forward to taking care of both yourself and your Sub’s best interests. Dominance and Submission and understanding how they Play together has Been a fairly large part of my journey, I am under no illusions that it will continue to be hard work, or something I ever stop learning about. Nor do I want it to be.

Know what else is hard work ?

Being a sadist.

Last night Dot and I wished to play, we were both not in the right head space for training, so after a short talk we decided that we still wished to play, and Play we did.

I will spare you the details, because this isn’t that type of Blog, BUT I will tell you, Dot’s backside is….Speckled fairly well….Flogger, Crop and Flat out Belt spanking/whipping. I loved every second of it, however I still held back some…Dot was actually surprised I stopped so soon. My reasons for this are part caution, part adjustment.

Here’s the hard work. At least for me.

Mentally I needed to stop, it has taken quite a bit of Self-conversation and reassurance from my little fae that my sadistic tendencies are Ok…. She’s a Masochist and enjoys it…however being raised that Violence is Violence, and WRONG. After some long talks with myself I don’t believe that’s the case…at least not for us. Dot is a Masochist, and thus enjoys pain…in fact in some ways, I assume she’s a lot like my masochistic side and in some ways needs the pain… As a Sadist, I need the release of my tendencies…It allows me another way to show her that I love her. I haven’t fully made sense of it (yet) but I can tell you, During the Play session I felt an overwhelming sense of love, peace and complete Adoration, for the woman laid out before me willingly allowing me to do these things to her.

Aftercare in these types of sessions is incredibly important for me…it helps clear my head space, and bring me down, it helps me reconnect….just holding her and talking…we do however incorporate vanilla sex into aftercare as a way for us to Re-bond… which I think also helps return me to a more “normal” head space. All in all it is a fantastic reassurance that we are still Ok, and I am still meeting both her and my needs.

Adjustment to being a sadist for me will take a bit of time. I keep going just a little bit further to see how far I can push myself and my little fae, however it has been small increments….learning to enter a proper head space is difficult for me to say the least, and that is the major problem…I NEED to express these things, and yet I still struggle afterwards with coming to terms with it, I’m not entirely sure how to become less inclined to feel…Guilty about it afterwards.

Just a short piece today, a little insight into something that is going on in my head… not really sure how to conclude it…so, with that :

Regards,

 

Syn.

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