Scumbag Brain.

Recently I’ve been thinking a lot about experience, and experiences, Or rather, new ones.

In my past when I wanted to experience new things relationship wise, I simply suggested it, And usually my suggestions were met with a combination of disgust and the “tamer” suggestions being met with a “ok, but it’s a favor”. The cost of which was very high. Sex or sexual activities, were generally used as leverage during an argument or to make me do something I didn’t want to by making me feel guilty. Now that you have this as context I feel I can continue with the Meat of my thought, but it was important to make you understand this.

The last week or two has been….average for my little fae, and I….it’s not boring, but it’s the Norm for us both vanilla and BDSM wise. As you may remember Sundays for us, are ALWAYS spent together, no matter what is going on. This last Sunday was no exception. I was very Thankful for it as well, as I was having a hard time dealing with being away from her as much as we have been the last few weeks. We didn’t train, didn’t do anything BDSM related….In fact it was just vanilla sex…which, to be perfectly honest was STILL fucking amazing. As we always do after, Scene or not, we ended up just talking and re-bonding.

Dot asked me something during this time, that I found incredibly hard to answer: “is there anything you want to try ?” (in regards to Kink/BDSM). It was and is very hard for me to answer this, as in my head I still hold onto the Stupid notion that it’s wrong for me to want to experiment. I know this is not the case, Dot has been nothing but supportive, encouraging and absolutely amazing about everything thus far. Now there are things I DO want to try, Covert bondage, anal training, remote controlled “toys” covertly in public, Sex in a semi-public place (think dressing room sex), Cupping, Enema’s, the list goes on.

My biggest issue in communicating this is getting more comfortable in doing so, And this is no one’s issue but my own brain being a scumbag.

 

So, for those of you, Dom’s and Subs alike, have you ever had an issue like this ? and if so, how did you get over it ?

 

Regards,

 

Syn

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