Lately I’ve had nothing but time to think about where I’d like to see my little fae and I go as a D/s couple.
We have a fairly Solid idea of things we’d like to try BDSM wise, Including the fact that we’d like to help, educate and share our experiences.
We have done so recently with a few members of our local community with varying results, One D/s couple that has recently joined our community has been incredibly receptive to ideas when they ask for idea’s or help. I must admit it was incredibly gratifying and filled me with a sense of….Pride for lack of a better term to be thanked for my advice, and ideas about punishments, and general thoughts on how She (as the Domme) can incorporate certain things into their day to day lives that encompass Domination/Submission and tasks.
A more experienced D/s couple (well more so than me, much less so than my little fae) have been having issues with consistency, and incorporating D/s into their day to day lives. They asked our opinion and advice, and we gave it to them. Start small, Dot basically gave the Sub a task, and a simple one at that, in order to start building a foundation.
Make the Bed, Every day for a week. Then build on it to encompass other things. The Dom in this Dynamic appeared to be ok to enforce this task, so we let them be untill be saw them again at the next D/s Coffee.
it was at this coffee, we were informed that the task was carried out 4 of the 14 days, and there was no Discipline from the Dom (who was an experienced member of the D/s Community).
It was at this point, my little fae Kinda lost her shit and basically said enough was enough (we have been hearing the same story from this couple for a while) and either she made a Concerted effort to carry out tasks, and make an effort to be a Submissive, or stop with the pretense and be content to just be a bottom. Dot is VERY serious about Submission, as you can tell.
Since that time, I’ve been thinking quite a bit about things, and I realized something.
I learned a few lessons on how to deal with Mentoring and such from playing MMO’s.
I am a very competitive person, and as such I was very very good at what I do. I research incessantly, use every tool I have at my disposal to optimize my performance and use research and analyzation tools to make me a better player. In doing so, I became very very good at conveying to others things they could do to both enhance their play, and make the most of what they have available. Sound familiar ?
One other thing I learned, was that no matter what I do to help someone, ultimately it is up to them to follow through and execute, or modify the things I suggest to work for them. I remember an old saying about a horse and water.
As we move forward and people come to us for advice and perhaps mentoring or guidance and training in the future. I have to realize I can’t do everything for them, I have to realize the Onus is on them, and I can’t take it personally or feel like I failed because they wouldn’t meet me the other half of the way. Their failure is not mine.
In the end, you can teach someone, but learning (and applying) is up to them.