We always have such good conversations, my little fae and I. Today while we were sitting in the park with our pre-work coffee just talking, we came upon the subject of what we have learned from D/s, and as she pointed out, revisiting things every six or so months to re-evaluate and examine is something we should all do.
So, what have I learned or grown in As a Dominant or just a person in general ?
Better ways to Communicate is definitely top of the list. Before embarking on O/our journey, (and in fact our relationship) I was a very hard person to get to know, I talked a lot without saying much. I would bottle my emotions and opinions, at the time I simply thought it was because no one wanted to hear it, or it would be used against me in the relationships I was in. Truth be told I was scared, scared to offend, scared to have to defend my opinion and in doing so alienate people. I was so worried about being one of those “me me me” people that I cut it all off and in the process became miserable, and not myself. Since we started along our path of D/s it has become infinitely easier for me to deal with the thought of stating what I want, how I feel, and then getting over it however the revealing of the information went. I realize and fully support the fact that I cannot control others reactions, but I CAN control how I deal with it, for my own piece of mind I need to let it out. In no small part I owe this to my little fae, she, as my little fae has taught me the value of communicating wants,desires, and being as direct as I can about it without being overbearing. I still struggle some days, but my little fae knows now and then I need a small (and loving) nudge to open my mouth and get it out, for both our sakes.
Then there is being open(minded) to new experiences. Prior to our D/s experiences and taking that step, I would often offhandedly dismiss experiences or the chance at them that came my way by being dismissive, derogatory or procrastinate until the opportunity passed me by. I would never take the time to really examine how I felt about something, and in turn communicate how I felt about it. I was raised to be overly cautious and stay where I was comfortable, if I didn’t know how to do something or anything about it then I should leave it be for someone else to do because they could handle it. As such I guarded myself not believing that new experiences or thinking them over could be beneficial. For example bisexuality: The Pre dominant me had a simple thought on the subject “if it makes others happy, so be it, but fuck that noise for me – I’m a guy and I like pussy, that’s all there is”. Once I really examined things I understood why bisexuality was not for me, I actually watched bisexual porn. I watched a lot of it, and realized that for the most part physically I can appreciate the male physique and the work that goes into it, however Women are what turned my crank. On a side note this is mostly my I watch strictly female or lesbian porn now. In our relationship being able to be open and analytical about new experiences keeps us moving forward and growing together, so that we don’t stagnate, get bored and lose that “Fire” we have.
I have learned that by helping my little fae achieve her goals and care for her, I can be more than the sum of my parts. She has an inner strength that I rely on just as much as she counts on mine. I realize that this is not a weakness but a strength. Trust, (greater)compassion and how to have both in my life without being used for them, are all things she has taught me. She trusts me mentally, physically and emotionally completely, and because she does, and I want to I return this completely. I trust her to see me struggle with my past, my present and my future and be that quiet but firm rock that will be there when -I- need it. Because of her submission I have learned that having that one person to share every piece of me with makes me a stronger person, dominant and better at being both. I’ve learned to trust completely, love completely, and in my own way submit to our souls melding into something more.
Probably one of the most important things I have learned is that in everything there is fear. Fear of the unknown, fear of ourselves, fear of being hurt. I’ve also learned that despite this fear We as individuals need to communicate, love and understand ourselves, and with this we can overcome and grow. The Special part of it all, is that, some times we will find someone who will do the same, and help you down your own path to self discovery. They will submit because you need to dominate, they will teach when you don’t think you need to learn, they will be there to remind you who and what you are to them when you don’t know who you are to yourself. They will make you question and examine, analyze and show you how to be a better person. I’ve learned that is domination and submission at it’s core. One is Dominant, One is Submissive, but together we are a force of nature.
In it’s simplest form D/s is that quiet voice, when you lay together that says I will follow you in to the dark.
There are more things, and perhaps I will revisit this in part two in the near future, I will for sure revisit this in at least 6 months.