My Little fae is off on business today before she starts her vacation tomorrow, so it’s given me some time to sit back and think. Most notably about the coming week. We are headed into the Neighboring bigger city for a MaST meeting this Saturday. I have to say I’m a bit nervous about going.
Being an introvert is both a blessing and a curse, I have a Public face that I put on, and can deal with people very easily, it used to be my “retail face” but now it’s reserved for meeting new people, and being out and about in the community. I’m still me, same sense of humor and all, it’s just me at a higher volume. It drains me though, and I need time after to reflect, process, and re-charge.
According to the Fetlife group page there are only 11 people (including my little fae and myself) that are attending this meeting, which does make it slightly easier for us both. I am however still leery of going. We have been a D/s couple almost from the get go, but only formally D/s for about 3 years, and “out” in the community for about 7 months. I didn’t have a mentor, and while Dot brought me into this lifestyle, and answers questions I have about things, or directs me to information, I am a largely self “taught” dominant. What we have works for us, and My little fae having some 20+ years knowledge (and practical experience) in the lifestyle has basically said we could do Master/slave quite easily, but there are some liberties she enjoys that are integral to M/s that we both prefer she keep. So, we are D/s rather than M/s but closer on the spectrum to M/s.
I have this nasty habit of being a perfectionist in some things, and I have this underlying concern that I’m going to get to know some of these people in MaST who have been doing things for years, and wonder who the fuck this small town jackass is that calls himself a Dominant. We are not traditionally hardcore in a sense that I allow my little fae to be cheeky with me, I allow her to be herself, she is opinionated, but respectful, she will speak up when not fully in agreement, but deferential to me when I explain my reasoning. Thing’s like that I find, are rare (at least around our small town).
I am looking forward to making Connections at MaST, and perhaps even finding someone I can bounce Idea’s, thoughts, and concerns off of that has a Dom’s perspective, out here I am the ONLY male dominant that is active in our community, so while I can share things with our 3 Female dominants, there are certain things I don’t understand from thier PoV and vice versa. We have also been told by a few people in our community that we are “Hardcore” D/s, whatever that means, to us our way of being is natural. We have taken on somewhat of an advisory role to people in our community, I suppose our dynamic speaks for itself.
I guess I just needed to get out some of my fears, concerns and doubt’s about this so I can accept and move on…. overall I look at this as a positive experience and one, I hope culminates with us being able to attend the requisite 3 meetings a year (at the minimum) and becoming MaST members.
Our version of TPE, might be different, it might not, but it’s ours, and nothing will ever change that. As with all new experiences I guess I’ll just have to see what my first MaST meeting will bring.