Yesterday and today my little fae and I talked a lot…we always do, communication is a huge part of our lives. I think total in two days we’ve spent a good 8 to 9 hours just talking, which is on top of a light play date and running around we’ve done.
Our conversations usually include 2 things, Coffee, and examining our day to day lives. Which we both agree D/s is pretty much integral to. During one of these caffeine fueled brainstorming sessions we some how got on the topic of Bisexuality (more notably hers) and my hard limit of no threesomes because I was concerned of feelings developing that would interfere with our dynamic. As I have said, I have to love someone even just a little bit in order to sleep with them, I am hardwired to be that way, which is both a blessing and a curse.
Anyway, as we got talking we discussed how we would like to both eventually train and teach as well as mentor if the opportunity arose. Which got us on the topic of Triad dynamics. Now to me, Triads are not necessarily a form of Polyamory (but I have limited experience and could be wrong), to us we are in agreement that if we were to bring another woman into our dynamic it would be someone who was “for us both” to enhance what we have, and not to supply something we don’t. Submissive to both of us, and under the understanding that W/we as a pair take precedence…. you can’t have one without the other sort of thing.
I was concerned that with the addition of another woman into our dynamic that Dot would some how…Fade….(I guess is the right word) from where we are and where I have her in my life, Not completely mind you, but enough that it would irrevocably alter our dynamic in a negative way. When I voiced that opinion, she assured me with some of the most heartfelt words I have ever heard come out of her mouth that this would never be the case. the way she explained it literally had me both at a loss for words, and smiling uncontrollably.
So, after our conversation we came to a consensus. Yes, if something organically grows and we have a place in our dynamic we would be open to a Triad. Provided they understood that W/we will always come first to one another, W/we are one entity and there is no one without the other. As a triad we would be together as three, or just Dot and I, private time with the addition to our dynamic would not serve to enhance our existing dynamic and is therefore off limits. We however would want our third to share our interests, find both of us physically attractive, as well as mentally and be able to join our conversations. We have also agreed that said person would have to be single prior to and while with us, but is free to become involved with others provided they realize that would end their sexual involvement with us.
The most important part we agreed upon, is that it would have to develop organically between the three of us, and would then have a contract implemented to not only discuss and clarify BDSM and Kink related Limits, etc, but also the terms of involvement in the dynamic. Dot and I are not actively searching, and more than likely will not, but the door is open if we agree there is good triad chemistry.
This topic will warrant much more discussion I am sure between us, however it has gone from being a hard Limit to me to something I am open to provided the situation is right. As you can tell from the small pre-cursory discussion a lot of criteria would have to be met to ensure the solidity of our relationship which is first and foremost, not to mention the possibility that we may try it and back out immediately because something feels off.
So how do I feel about it ?
Well I think that as with the possibility and discussion of any new experience (especially for me), there comes that little jolt of apprehension and fear, that is only human. I feel better on a whole having talked to my little fae about how we’d address and approach the situation, because it would not be for her, or be for me, it would be for U/us, as a way to enhance what we have, and make us a stronger couple. I am surprised at myself as well, that with one well worded and well reasoned conversation I went from Adamantly opposed to open to the idea provided the situation was right.
Our conversations regarding this are far from over I know….however it can only be for the better that it will now be one rooted in a different understanding of the subject. It also raises a point of why as a D/s couple everyone should revisit hard limits,as well as soft and discuss them at regular intervals, who knows your stance on certain things may change suddenly or unexpectedly.