Public Play – Do I trust you enough ?

In about two weeks time there is an event coming up that I am greatly looking forward to, it’s a weekend long “kinky camping” and workshop event, 3+ days of education, lifestyle related fun and scenes involving all manner of kinksters.

 This particular event brings to light a few new things for me to experience, I have never been to an event where public play is encouraged, and if not encouraged, at the very least a normal part.

We have two very close friends who have recently expressed an interest in how we play, and I should quantify that we trust them enough to play in front of them, and I know that they want us to enjoy this event as much as they did their first go ’round last year. Part of their experience was something they refer to as one of their best scenes ever, and I truly do thank them for in their way trying to ensure we have as positive an experience as they did. 

That said, there are a few reasons both my little fae and I (may) have a hard time with public scene’s and the rest of this writing will be my half of why I may have issues playing in public, which is largely because of the way we play. 

I/we do not plan play, it is as organic as our TPE, one night we might not play at all, and the next just vanilla sex, with a night on the weekend of one of the most intense sessions we’ve had in a while. 

Most of our play sessions begin with an act of submission from Dot, for example the question “Are you ready to serve, my little fae?” is my unspoken order for her to take off her clothes, prepare the bed to my specifications, and put on her training collar, Cuffs and return to me Kneeling in the position and manner we have practiced. I then have the ability to direct her to where ever I want our “scene” to take place. 

On top of S&M being a large part of our Play, we also incorporate humiliation – I have no problem taunting and mocking Dot while she is stuck in a conundrum I have presented – laughing at her when she must decide to squirt, or hold her orgasm when there is Tiger Balm on her Clit and nipples, with the hitachi buzzing away, calling her my slut, my whore and laughing all the while. We incorporate a LOT of mental emotional and physical S&M.

This was a very very simple example, but I think it illustrates a very important aspect of us both, I love my little fae, and she loves me, But I can be a mean motherfucker and she likes that about me. I may break her, and enjoy it, but the true joy is putting her back together again when we’re done.

 As a Strong pair of personalities, We both have issue with displaying vulnerability to people, and we’d have to trust the people watching a  full out scene of ours immensely. The two I mentioned earlier, we do trust, along with a few others we have met. However, there are others in the community that, while we trust them, not to the extent required. 

What about not putting it all out there though, and just showcasing an activity ? for educational purposes we could….but it is just that, in order for pleasure in our back and forth, we need aspects of EVERYTHING we do. Detachment mentally for her and I is not a possibility, we are so in tune with each other it’s scary some days.

Hopefully this has given some insight on the way we play, and why a small play party with trusted people will be a better arena for my first ever public scene, rather than a large event. We’re not ruling it out if it happens organically, but neither are we definitively planning to play in public.

So, Public scene’s: Awesome, or not ? Do you/have you and your partner ever done so, and what did you think ?

 

Regards,

 

Syn 

The Three Fold Rule – Community Version.

I talked at length about energy exchange in a D/s dynamic, and how important it is to get back what you put in and vice versa. 

Today I’d like to address this again, but on a larger scale.

As a D/s couple, my little fae and I are a cohesive unit, we are close enough that we are on the same page 95% of the time. As such we are a reflection of one another, from actions, to words, to dress, and how we both interact with the D/s and kink community at large. There is very little, if any separation between our D/s life, and our “vanilla” selves.

So, with various things that have been happening to us lately, We as a couple have had to reevaluate some of our energy output.

As a couple in our community we have invested our energy into growing our local group, and this is going to be our primary focus, we want to put in effort and get something back…we may take time to talk, or organize, or offer to be someones safe call. All we have asked in return is a return investment back into the community we are trying to grow.

That is something I think we all need to realize. We’re not all going to get along, we’re all not going to be “besties”, hell we might not even like each other, but from now on THIS D/s couple will reciprocate what we are shown. Wasting positive energy on people who can’t or won’t return it, is toxic. Both for us, and the community we are helping to grow.

In your local community you are a sum total of who you are as a D or s type, how you are seen as a couple, and what you put into the pool of “experiences” – that includes everything from knowledge, to Well wishes and good Vibes.

Quite frankly if you can’t supply either, what the hell are you doing creating a toxic environment for others.

No one owes you anything, and justification for the way you live your dynamic isn’t worth being spiteful. The three fold rule still applies here.

Sorry for the Rant folks – it’s been a long couple of days.

Regards,

 

Syn.

BDSM and Anxiety

Anxiety.

A few people in my Fetlife circles have been talking about it lately, and being the flip side of the coin in a paring that deals with anxiety, I thought I should weigh in on BDSM and anxiety.

For myself, I have a mild form of social anxiety…but one that largely doesn’t effect me, I get very nervous meeting new people, but for the most part I can deal with it and doesn’t effect my day to day life. The introvert in me just needs time to recharge after.

Dot, however suffers from a more severe form. She has issues meeting people, and experiencing new social situations. We do however use our D/s relationship to our advantage in this situation.

We address her anxiety through the use of ritual and protocol, structure and ritual by nature breeds familiarity. Most people who suffer from anxiety fear change or deviation from the familiar, so as a couple if we can incorporate protocols and ritual we can take with us, then a dose of the familiar is not far behind, and it will ease her anxiety.

As an example, part of our protocols we use in day to day life, is that Dot is always to be on my left. Rarely does she stay on my right unless there are circumstances beyond our control. When we enter a new social situation Dot will always know I will be within reach of her to her right. We combine this with other protocols depending on both the situation/event and how bad her anxiety is likely to be. As far as ritual, we largely don’t have publicly obvious ritual – where a Master/slave dynamic may require the slave to present her Masters coffee with a small ritual, we may incorporate something more subtle: when we enter a new room and remove our shoes Dot will ensure they are lined up and pointing north to south. I should point out this particular ritual is something Dot did prior to us meeting, but I have embraced it as another ritual for Dot to feel more comfortable because she can control this part of the environment.

All in all anxiety can be a crippling issue if you let it, but if you work at it properly and use D/s and BDSM as a tool, then you can enhance and ease a delicate situation that can both effect you and your partner. D/s life, Vanilla it doesn’t matter – small rituals, protocols, and things that will make anxiety easier to manage are important.

So, do any of you, or your partners suffer from anxiety ? and if so, do you use anything from your BDSM toolbox to help ease it ?

Regards,

 

Syn

Getting Active in our Local Community.

My little fae and I have made no secret that we enjoy teaching, and want to become educators in our community. This past week we took a step to become even more active in our local community than we have been previously. We spoke with the current couple responsible for organizing munches, and administrating the Fet group… I should point out, these two are fast becoming very good friends of ours and we get together as often as we are able to talk, play games and discuss everything from kink to vanilla things.

So, we talked with them and offered some help. As a result we have been offered and accepted a more prominent role in our community, the fetlife announcement:

“We would like to let everyone know that we have added LucidSyn and SeldomSeenWay to the positions of Leaders within the group.
Don’t be surprised to be hearing more from them in the near future. They are a welcome addition and provide a great counterpoint to mine and Ayla’s breadth of knowledge. They add a new angle on things with their interests in D/s that Ayla and I just don’t possess.
They will be assisting us with the group, driving discussions, and helping with the day-to-day operations. Together, we hope to better address the diversity in the group and community at large. With their help we hope to further expand BMK and welcome many more new members into the fold.
Please welcome them to their new positions and lets hear a bit more from them directly.”

My response:

“Thanks for the “Introduction” Captain!

I’ll allow My little fae to write her own introduction, however many of you already know U/us from munches etc.

For those of you that don’t:

I’m very very happy to have been promoted here as I truly believe our little community has great potential, as well as an already strong base, I love to learn, teach, and talk with people about whatever…. if you check out my profile you can likely tell that on top of being into D/s and more specifically TPE (total power exchange), I am a sadist as well.

I love good conversation and really think the cornerstone of a solid community is open, honest, and respectful discussion. I’m looking forward to helping Seldomseen, Ayla, and Captain by giving back as much as I am able in any way I can.

If you have ANY questions please do not hesitate to ask, I’m pretty open about anything you want to talk about, and if I don’t know I’ll find out for you.

Again, thank you very much, and I’m looking forward to meeting any and all people I haven’t had the pleasure of meeting yet. :)”

 

I am truly looking forward to moving forward and helping to grow our community…. Giving back is something important to me, and this is a huge step towards that.

Just wanted to share the good news with you folks, a more substantial post to come later this week. 🙂

Regards,

 

Syn