This is My Life Now.

“This is My life now.”

I said those words half Jokingly to my little fae the other day returning from a play party we attended in the big(ger) city east of us… Not so sadly this is a complete truth and honestly, I am ok (and maybe better than ok) with it.

As I have mentioned before, I am relatively new to the Kink Community – for years we were a Private and solitary D/s (now M/s) couple. As we started getting active and eventually taking a place as organizers alongside another couple in our local community, We became aware of events hosted in our neighboring city, and by people in that city in other locations closer to home. I have talked at length about what a positive experience MaST was for U/us , along with the Kinky Camping weekend I talked about briefly in another previous post.

Now the kinky camping weekend(FFG) is where the heavy shit started to hit me, and this past month became a whirlwind of learning, new experiences and self-growth for me.

What to say about FFG ? 4 days of workshops, demo’s and getting to know new people…. The slightly shocking part for me basically happened right off the hop, the headline presenter was set to do 4 workshops over the weekend and started off the first night with an… Active demo of Cock sucking and face fucking – I should point out, said presenter is a leather dyke… that in and of itself is new, throw in her  and her slave demonstrating technique on a strap on (over underwear) and that about set the tone for the weekend. There were workshops on Sadism (playing on the darkside) electro and Fire play demos, water boarding demo’s and all sorts of things that were 100% new to me. Including a dungeon – W/we didn’t play, but we watched, and it was my first foray into seeing (many) public scenes. The entire weekend was life changing for me, a justification of what I have been doing as a D-type up until now, and I made Friends I consider lifelong. Processing all of the new information, and experiences was difficult at first, my brain was sluggish and still trying to cope with all of the stimuli, however I am one of those lucky people that can adapt quickly.  Truth be told, even adapting to the nude friendly environment was tough for me…. up until now, except for porn, nudity was something I was only familiar with, with my partners behind closed doors, it was hard not to stare at some of the gorgeous women, but I do have the ability to concentrate very hard on someone’s face if need be, which probably saved me a time or two.

FFG was not only a stampede of firsts for me as well, it was a series of firsts for my little fae and I too. We (she) spent that whole weekend “test-driving” being a slave over being a submissive, and we found that it was easy, manageable and as a result have made it official that we are now an M/s dynamic – as nothing much changed from one to the other, The growth of this dynamic will eventually become another post (or 10) I am sure.  We also had our first blood play scene which left some AMAZING marks, which leads me to another first – because of the sex/body positive environment I was comfortable for the first time showing off my little fae and her marks which included the entirety of her back, and ass. I am a private person so doing this for me was a huge step – however I would say I’m over that (more later), I was absolutely beaming at how proud I was to both show off some of my sadistic work, as well as show off my beautiful little fae to people…. I felt very Liberated and happy to do so.

With FFG over the latter part of the next week was spent with a vanilla friend who travelled about 36 hours to come see us, we did touristy stuff, took him out for some Local Canadian food (seriously why does the rest of the world not have poutine?) and on the Thursday he set off back down to Texas. On the Saturday of that week we were again off to the larger city to the east for a MaST meeting.

The MaST meeting itself ended up being just a get together and chat meeting, and it was nice to sit and talk with other TPE couples in a relaxed and non-topical driven setting . it was here that one of the leaders of the MaST chapter (Rand) said innocently enough “Glad you two made it out, but now you  know you have to come back out next weekend, right ?”, uhm why ? “we’re having a get together and we would love it if you could come, we have a room you can crash in too!” . Thus began my (our) next  set of new experiences.

As you have likely guessed, the get together was a play party.

If FFG was a shock, it was tempered by the fact that most of the play, scenes, and going’s on were sometimes at a distance, and because of that I had a buffer of sorts, it was easy to get “air” if I needed it to process.  I’ll admit, when my thick Ukrainian head finally realized this was our first play party invite I got a touch nervous, not knowing what to expect.  Off to the City we went again the next weekend.

The play party started off vanilla enough, sitting around their fire pit and talking with a few of the people, two of which we had met and gotten to know fairly well at FFG, and from the interaction there and at MaST, She (we’ll call her B) was obviously very very interested in my little fae.  While sitting around the fire and visiting B came over to chat with my little fae and I, and  for a time I had two very beautiful women sitting at my feet…. I admit, it was unexpected, and yet I felt at ease, and oddly content to be able to listen to the ladies chat while I surfed into and out of conversations, and talked with them both as well.

As the Fire wound down, we all headed inside, and got settled… Rand, his Wife/sbumissive (A) and his babygirl (J) offered up a bedroom and we stashed our gear and headed down to the party.  I’ll spare most the details for the sake of anonymity, but shortly after the Rules for the play party were given, my little fae excused herself and went upstairs to our room, she returned wearing nothing but her Collar and a Shirt that was long enough to cover her – barely, Needless to say I approved. She took her place at my feet and we talked with some people watched a bit of play, and again I was saved by my ability to focus on people’s faces.  After a short while, B found us and she (in Garter/stockings and small panties) informed my little fae that she was over dressed. My little fae looked at me, and I knew she was inquiring as to whether or not I was comfortable with her getting completely naked.  I looked from her to B, and as I did B dropped to her knees and Begged me. I let her stay there on her knees for a few minutes, and truth be told, I was enjoying every second of it. I thought about it very very hard in those few seconds, was I comfortable showing off my property ? Why not ? we’re in a group of people that I feel a connection with, my little fae is drop dead gorgeous, and I am very proud of her for the work she has put in to improve her body type, so fuck it. I pulled her shirt off her and B almost squealed and clapped.

As the night wore on, we watched some (more) play, talked about kink, BDSM, and other things, and then from out of nowhere the female half  of a pair of kinksters  we had met (who was wearing nothing but a pair of panties) exclaims “I haven’t put my face in your tits yet!” to my little fae… again my little fae looked to me for permission, and the other lady did as well. Again, I thought about it – I know my little fae likes women, always has (she’s technically had more Girlfriends than I have), and the determining factor – we have been keeping an eye out for a Female to join us in a triad. In a way this was a low commitment one off  situation that would give me a chance to see if I could deal with it, So I gave my permission. There was No Contact below the Navel, and I was behind my little fae holding her while she played, within seconds B had realized that there was space, and she joined the other woman. I’ll stop there for hope my blog doesn’t become weighed down with sex, rather than the thought process associated with it. I will say – I was More than ok with it, it was fucking hot.

The night ended and the local guests headed home, W/we however stayed up for a few hours more talking with Rand and A, J having gone to bed. I cannot stress how amazing of a hosts these two were, in the morning before we left, A even cooked us omelets before they’d see us out the door.   You don’t see hospitality like we were shown often and so I must say I more than appreciated it.

“This is my life now”.

I have to say that I am ok with everything that has transpired in this amazing month, I know things are just getting started for me in an “out in the community” sense. I would also be remiss if I didn’t mention that a large part of this is due to the type of woman my slave is, she understands that this is all new to me, it is her “normal” and she wishes it to be mine, but understands my needs well enough that everything that transpires has to be at my pace, whatever that is.

I am looking forward to more of these experiences, educational opportunities, and just plain fun… Without gushing I can say that I wouldn’t change a moment of the last month, it has opened my eyes to so much that I need to learn, adjust to, and overcome to become comfortable with where I want U/us to go.

“This is my Life now” and I can’t wait to experience more.  Thank you my little fae for the past month, and being the good girl you are.

 

Regards,

 

Syn

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My Little Fae.

This is the first lifestyle related post on this subject, and one I never really thought about writing until my little fae mentioned it the other day, I have to admit it had never even crossed my mind to write (again) on why I call my slave My Little Fae. It has been a part of our lives for almost as far back as we have been a couple, and the meaning has evolved with our relationship over time.

 

As I mentioned in my origin post our journey exploded out of the gate, and in retrospect I knew it was going to be a different experience than anything I had ever had in my life. She was the anti-thesis of everything that had come before. Kind, patient, and caring, she saw something in me that at that point I didn’t even see in myself, Dominance.

I don’t remember exactly when I started calling her by that name, but I do remember why. Despite what history, folklore and some current sources would have us believe, I see the Fae-folk as something that embodies a magic and light that is hidden or rare in all of us.

When our (then vanilla) relationship began I found myself awed at the immediate strength of it, she was caring, responsive and would communicate with me… All things I had no frame of reference for in a relationship, at the risk of over romanticizing – She was showing me a whole new world I never thought existed.

As we Progressed in our relationship and the organic TPE evolved “my little fae” has taken on a whole additional meaning – As my slave she constantly finds ways to open my mind, show me new things, and by guiding her, learning more about this new world I have been introduced to.

I have taken more than a few days to write this. I started Monday, and it is now Thursday… I keep thinking that by coming back to it, I can add or explain something. Truth be told I can’t – it’s so hard to put in words exactly what my little fae means to me as her Master, friend and lover, hopefully this small explanation at least sheds some light on it. For now I will simply let our journey together speak for itself, and how I view her.

I may not be a “traditional” Master, but thanks to my little fae, I am one that is never alone, and will always have my best friend with me.

 

Regards,

 

Syn

Can Long Distance TPE Relationships Work ?

I may step into a fairly large Pile with this topic, but it’s something I’ve had a bit of time to think about and form an opinion on….

Long distance TPE relationships (LDR) versus “in person”.

I, and my little fae are part of a group, as I have mentioned that has an abundance of LDR folks in it… in fact it is also led by an LDR couple. People insist that LDR TPE is just as valid as in person TPE and can actually breed a stronger emotional connection…. This is where I have to call bullshit.  

As disclaimer now that I’ve worked you into a rage – This is simply my view and my opinion. Feel free to comment and debate if you’re so moved…. Change my mind or help me see things differently.

Now, I think LDR TPE can work over short periods, however long term I do not believe it is sustainable.  if Online BDSM is all you want, and have no Plans to close the distance with your Sir, or sub you are missing out on one of the largest parts of TPE/BDSM – The physical.

Human beings by nature are physical creatures, we crave physical contact… as most are aware physical contact releases oxytocin which is responsible for all manner of emotional effects, including development of trust, love, social bonding and generosity. All of which are very important building blocks in any relationship, from mother to child, all the way up to Master/slave.

Another benefit of touch in a TPE dynamic is the ability to train. How to stand, how to sit, walk, carry yourself, Slave positions. A large part of training these things is immediate feedback and correction.

Which leads us to punishment, I won’t get into the debate on corporeal punishment(cp) here, but I will point out that it is a method for a Dominant to  administer correction, ordering a submissive to spank themselves is largely dependent with them swinging hard enough for a pain response. On the other side of non-cp the onus of following through with a corrective task or lesson is reliant on one person, the submissive. The Dominant, for example, gives the submissive lines as a punishment – if the submissive chooses not to do them, or half ass them then the Dominant may escalate to restriction of contact, which IMO is the same as short term abandonment. Here the onus is on the submissive to carry out, and be honest about carrying out the tasks and lessons, as I believe that lack of proximity severely limits the “bite” of the Dominant.

 My largest concern with LDR TPE relationships is how often do you see your Sir/sub ? twice a month ? Twice a year? Never ? Sex is a normal (and large) part of the lifestyle, and vanilla life, masturbation can fill that void for a while, but everyone needs sex! (more so if you’ve had it and are now in a “dry spell”) If a Sir or Sub rarely see’s the other half of a TPE dynamic, are there other partners to fill certain needs ? is your LDR an aspect of a poly lifestyle, or an open relationship ? Are you being honest with your partner about sexual needs being met, and can you address those needs long term ? If you’re Monogamous, are your physical needs being met within the constrictions of how often you see your partner ?

Also, Some times LDR TPE relationships are solely about the TPE, and in the interim, the normal or vanilla things get overlooked. Are you compatible with your partner in the more mundane things ? do you like the same movies, music, places to hang out ? Or is the limited time you have together on skype, text and the phone All about tasks, lessons, and sex ? Considerations need to be made as to whether or not you are compatible as a cohesive unit, rather than simply a TPE dynamic. In a Face to Face relationship these questions are easily answered by attending events, movies, concerts and going out to eat together.

Another Large part of TPE is communication as I hinted at in the above paragraph.  Open and honest communication is paramount in any successful relationship, be it Vanilla, poly, or TPE, but perhaps just as important is the information conveyed when we communicate. According to a study done by Albert Mehrabian 55% of communication is body language, 38% is the tone of voice, and 7% is the actual words spoken. If we apply this to modern methods of communication even when we use Skype or a webcam program 55% of either partners communication is largely inaccessible to the other. Your partner and yourself then must rely on being able to be concise, clear and willing to displease one another through hard conversations if the need arises and be perfectly clear on how you feel, or why something The dominant has ordered isn’t working. Are you capable of having the hard discussions even though it may consume a full days worth of contact with your significant other (or more)?  Furthermore can you do so without relying on body language to help give you insight ?

One other thing that seems to be counter intuitive to LDR’s and unique to TPE LDR’s is Freedom.  One of the highlights of “vanilla” LDR’s is free time. Time to do things for YOU. In a TPE relationship A submissive’s overriding thought is to first do things with their Free time (from work, children, etc) that will benefit their Sir, and make their life more comfortable. As a Submissive or a Dominant, are you going to be satisfied that by doing tasks you assign and seeing the other grow as a person is enough? Will the personal growth of your partner be enough to sustain you long term ? As a submissive, will you be satisfied not being able to get your Sir his morning coffee ? or Not being able to fix his dinner, rub his shoulders or lounge at his feet ? How do you quantify service in this area ?

As you move forward do you have a plan in place to close the Gap ? or is this relationship just a way to safely experience elements of TPE ?

For the reasons I’ve mentioned and the things I’ve outlined I really don’t see an LDR TPE as being on the same level as a face to face relationship, Doubly so if the LDR in question doesn’t have a “distance closing plan” in place (even a loose one). Over all because of the Nature of a TPE BDSM relationship I think eventually you need to move into a face to face relationship in order to have a lasting and full-reaching relationship of this nature.

As I said at the beginning, feel free to prove me wrong, or change my mind…. Can a Fully LDR TPE relationship work ? I don’t think so.

Regards,

 

Syn

Confidence and a Decade of Unlearning to do.

After the confession in my last post I wanted to share something that I’ve been rolling over in my head for part of the night, it’s less of a revelation and more of an explanation for me, but for the sake of transparency and getting to know me I think it’s important. 

I have been accused of writing very Clinically, or coldly, even when I am discussing my feelings or thoughts. I can “come off like a high and mighty asshole”. Well I am an asshole, I won’t deny that….but honestly I write the way I do, because Its fucking hard for me to put myself out there for the world to see. 

As a person, my default is laughing and joking, I find humor in everything (even things I probably shouldn’t) I find it very hard to make friends,and even harder to put forth the effort to maintain them, not because I don’t want to, but because I am an introvert that uses humor and a quick wit to deal with people. So If I make it a point to tell you that we should get together for coffee or that I am looking forward to seeing you again, I am not bullshitting you – I actually mean it

Even further in this, I find it hard to talk about and share my kinks with people, I am a sadist of a depth not yet discovered, and its scary to me. I am a recently evolved (from Dominant) Master of my slave, who also happens to be my best friend and other half, this relationship and my little fae are the most important thing(s) in my day to day life, and discussing it directly is also scary and taxing if/when I have to explain why we’re not hardcore 24/7 but more of an organically grown 24/7 with M/s Benefits, having recently come to the epiphany that I don’t have to explain to people who aren’t genuinely curious to learn, and simply criticize is a bloody god send though.  

It may seem a bit odd, but for me my confidence as a person comes from equal parts humor, and equal parts clinical speech and writing… I do actually use words that are rare, like disingenuous, it helps me communicate myself easier… maybe not for others, but it helps me. lol 

I guess what I’m trying to say, or get out, or just come to terms with, is: If you’ve just met me I know I can be hard to get to know, I might seem standoffish or abrasive, and I swear I don’t mean to be….but it has been a behavior learned over a decade and a half as a way to keep myself safe, and unlearning it will take time as I progress further down my path. 

D-types are people too, and we have issues to work through, please bear with me while I learn to conquer mine. 

I will leave you with a quote from one of my favorite Novels.

“Who in the world am I? Ah, that’s the great puzzle.”
― Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland

Regards, 

Syn. 

Of Kinky Camping, Lessons Learned, and Shedding Old Habits.

My little fae and I have just returned from a 4 day kinky camping event, so I apologize for being absent, the mental preparation before, and event drop after have been difficult….However I am feeling better and wish to get some thoughts down before they escape me. 

The crux of this post is not about the event itself, but more one incredibly important lesson I learned about myself and my place in the lifestyle. So Briefly I will explain the event and Share a post from a fetlife thread. 

FFG (as we will call it) is a kinky camping event that spans 4 days, multiple presentations and demo’s, along with an open dungeon, open air suspension frame and is at most attended by 60-ish people for intimacy’s sake. Each Demo and Workshop I attended taught me more than I could ever hope for – From “Facefucking and Cock Sucking” to “The care and Feeding of the Top” to the Water boarding demo (which I missed, but caught in a scene in the dungeon later)….. As a quick Summation I will Cross post a response I made in the event group on FetLife Regarding Firsts at FFG…. I will be changing the names mentioned within only to protect the event and allow blanket anonimity: 

“I had Quite a few Firsts at FFG… on a whole it was my first Major (more than 15ish people) event and each and every one of you made the event special for me. I don’t think if I tried I could find a bunch of folks that are more welcoming, knowledgeable or just straight up friendly.

It was the first Blood play scene My little fae and I had ever done together – thank you Cap for the thoughtful gift of hawthorns and inspiration. 😉 Which leads me to my next first…

It was the first time I was comfortable showing off the results of a play session, by allowing Seldomseenway to show off her marks… Like D I am very private about my kinks, so this was a huge step for me.

It was also the first time I had ever Been to a dungeon, to see how others Play…. Traditionally It has just been my little fae and I until we stepped out into the community not long ago, it was enlightening, thrilling and informational to watch each and every scene I was able to, and learn directly from the source so to speak. The time I was able to spend talking to TOM, and SC about their craft after their scenes was invaluable and means a lot to me. Being able even in a Small way to help Cap and A in one of their scenes was also a first and meant more than I can express to me – you let me into the “bubble” of your scene and that act of trust is a first for me, and means more than I can put in words.

I have said it before but I will say it again, FFG was a life changing experience for me, and something I will never forget… We just need it to be next year already. ;)”

That Aside ( I will write another post on a few other lessons from the above quote after a vanilla friend that is Visiting leaves later this week.) I had one major epiphany  resulting from the weekend that I didn’t realize until my little fae were sitting down discussing things last night, and today.

I’ve always been the sort to have to defend myself, Vanilla life conditioned me to believe that in order for people to see my value I had to prove myself to them. I was always trying to be the toughest, smartest, and quickest (thinker) on my feet. Vulnerability was to be mocked, Never ever admit you had fear, because people (including my Now ex-GF’s) would use it against you. 

Because of these prior experiences I always feel the need to Justify myself to people, Seek acceptance for the way that I am and the things that I do or have experience with….the experience I have would never speak for itself so I learned to speak for it. 

FFG and the people I mentioned in the quoted section above, along with my little fae taught me a major and life altering lesson – in the kink world if you try too hard to justify yourself you will seem disingenuous and Foolish…. the Most Freeing lesson of FFG was rather than to cover up what I don’t know, I can out and out admit the vulnerability and provided you have the right people around you, they will step up and help without considering it a weakness and pouncing on it.

Thanks to the Blood-play scene and TOM’s water boarding demo I realized the true possibility for the depth of my sadism, the love of the mind fuck, and the pleasure being a “voyeur” at the dungeon scenes held for me. I was Trying too hard though, TOM, SC, Cap and A taught me the lesson of letting go of the need to justify myself, but I didn’t realize they had until a few days later when my little fae really made me think about it.

 Because of FFG, and these fucked up, deviant, sadistic, caring, wonderful people I am free to be vulnerable and rebuild myself, teach myself, and not have to worry about justifying my knowledge actively – my thoughts, feelings, advice and actions will speak more to that than my mouth ever will. 

I have preparations to make for O/our visitor while my little fae is at work, so I have to cut this short…. Thank you for listening to my Epiphany, and joining me in moving forward….. even if it is only to read this confession, Thank you. 

Humbly and with Regards,

Syn