Of Kinky Camping, Lessons Learned, and Shedding Old Habits.

My little fae and I have just returned from a 4 day kinky camping event, so I apologize for being absent, the mental preparation before, and event drop after have been difficult….However I am feeling better and wish to get some thoughts down before they escape me. 

The crux of this post is not about the event itself, but more one incredibly important lesson I learned about myself and my place in the lifestyle. So Briefly I will explain the event and Share a post from a fetlife thread. 

FFG (as we will call it) is a kinky camping event that spans 4 days, multiple presentations and demo’s, along with an open dungeon, open air suspension frame and is at most attended by 60-ish people for intimacy’s sake. Each Demo and Workshop I attended taught me more than I could ever hope for – From “Facefucking and Cock Sucking” to “The care and Feeding of the Top” to the Water boarding demo (which I missed, but caught in a scene in the dungeon later)….. As a quick Summation I will Cross post a response I made in the event group on FetLife Regarding Firsts at FFG…. I will be changing the names mentioned within only to protect the event and allow blanket anonimity: 

“I had Quite a few Firsts at FFG… on a whole it was my first Major (more than 15ish people) event and each and every one of you made the event special for me. I don’t think if I tried I could find a bunch of folks that are more welcoming, knowledgeable or just straight up friendly.

It was the first Blood play scene My little fae and I had ever done together – thank you Cap for the thoughtful gift of hawthorns and inspiration. 😉 Which leads me to my next first…

It was the first time I was comfortable showing off the results of a play session, by allowing Seldomseenway to show off her marks… Like D I am very private about my kinks, so this was a huge step for me.

It was also the first time I had ever Been to a dungeon, to see how others Play…. Traditionally It has just been my little fae and I until we stepped out into the community not long ago, it was enlightening, thrilling and informational to watch each and every scene I was able to, and learn directly from the source so to speak. The time I was able to spend talking to TOM, and SC about their craft after their scenes was invaluable and means a lot to me. Being able even in a Small way to help Cap and A in one of their scenes was also a first and meant more than I can express to me – you let me into the “bubble” of your scene and that act of trust is a first for me, and means more than I can put in words.

I have said it before but I will say it again, FFG was a life changing experience for me, and something I will never forget… We just need it to be next year already. ;)”

That Aside ( I will write another post on a few other lessons from the above quote after a vanilla friend that is Visiting leaves later this week.) I had one major epiphany  resulting from the weekend that I didn’t realize until my little fae were sitting down discussing things last night, and today.

I’ve always been the sort to have to defend myself, Vanilla life conditioned me to believe that in order for people to see my value I had to prove myself to them. I was always trying to be the toughest, smartest, and quickest (thinker) on my feet. Vulnerability was to be mocked, Never ever admit you had fear, because people (including my Now ex-GF’s) would use it against you. 

Because of these prior experiences I always feel the need to Justify myself to people, Seek acceptance for the way that I am and the things that I do or have experience with….the experience I have would never speak for itself so I learned to speak for it. 

FFG and the people I mentioned in the quoted section above, along with my little fae taught me a major and life altering lesson – in the kink world if you try too hard to justify yourself you will seem disingenuous and Foolish…. the Most Freeing lesson of FFG was rather than to cover up what I don’t know, I can out and out admit the vulnerability and provided you have the right people around you, they will step up and help without considering it a weakness and pouncing on it.

Thanks to the Blood-play scene and TOM’s water boarding demo I realized the true possibility for the depth of my sadism, the love of the mind fuck, and the pleasure being a “voyeur” at the dungeon scenes held for me. I was Trying too hard though, TOM, SC, Cap and A taught me the lesson of letting go of the need to justify myself, but I didn’t realize they had until a few days later when my little fae really made me think about it.

 Because of FFG, and these fucked up, deviant, sadistic, caring, wonderful people I am free to be vulnerable and rebuild myself, teach myself, and not have to worry about justifying my knowledge actively – my thoughts, feelings, advice and actions will speak more to that than my mouth ever will. 

I have preparations to make for O/our visitor while my little fae is at work, so I have to cut this short…. Thank you for listening to my Epiphany, and joining me in moving forward….. even if it is only to read this confession, Thank you. 

Humbly and with Regards,

Syn

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2 responses to “Of Kinky Camping, Lessons Learned, and Shedding Old Habits.

  1. I am so Proud of You… more than I can ever tell You. ❤ Thank You for the awesome weekend and many life lessons W/we learned together. I love You Sir.

    • Thank you my Little Fae…The life lessons we have learned this past weekend are something I will treasure for years to come. I could not have learned so much without you as the Mortar for my Pillar, nor would I have been able to have these realizations. ❤

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