Hetero Leather Culture – In the Spirit of Leather.

I recently finished a fantastic book on Old Guard rituals and protocols. I’m not by any means gay or bisexual as I have mentioned, however it was an excellent accounting of traditions and protocols as he remembered from his time in that era.

I have taken an interest in leather culture, families, and old guard mentality. Being Protocol and etiquette driven , it seems a natural progression in my evolution. My little fae recently surprised me again by  revealing that she was old leather – perhaps not from the 60/70’s but she had involvement with the leather community in the 80’s and beyond. How much I am not sure, as sometimes I have to be very specific in the questions I ask – she has issues just spewing (as she calls it) information about her past.

I have found in my research, that information regarding leather culture is very hard to come by….and that information is divided at best. Add on top of this my desire to learn, and research hetero leather culture and how it relates to Old Guard leather, and I have become…frustrated at best.

I feel personally as though I missed the boat on certain things, and perhaps a bit of an outside looking in mentality… As we get further and further from the 60’s those that remember old guard traditions, and teachings are harder and harder to find. Our community is small, and the neighboring one has a leather family(one that I know of) I have not had the chance to meet yet.

I suppose what will happen is my continued reading of Guy Baldwins material and other respected members of the old guard that still share their knowledge,  Surely out there somewhere is an accounting of how Old guard may have evolved to incorporate hetero additions to the community. I will until then, continue to best carry the spirit of leather, and uphold as many of the values, beliefs, and protocols as I can inside the bounds of what works for our M/s relationship.

 

Regards,

 

Syn

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We Don’t D/s. We M/s, Can We Stop Beating the Dead Horse ?

I often hear stories about how in the old days BDSM was “underground” or hidden from the general public. I can kind of empathize with that thanks to a current situation W/we find ourselves  in, in our local community.

Now, the original leathermen found themselves in a situation where TPE, S&M and the very state of being gay was at best all considered mental illness and at worst if outed would result in a severe beating and possibly being killed. Let me be clear, my little fae and I are nowhere near that level of ostracism, and perhaps it’s in our heads, but I feel it’s something I need to explain and get off my chest.

As I have mentioned, my little fae and I are the only M/s couple who regularly attends our munches/is active in our community – A small aside for clarity: there is one female domme and her male sub that come out as regularly as possible (with 3 children under the age of 3 that can be difficult). There is another splinter community that has 2 other TPE couples we do not associate with for various reasons, we are just not compatible in thought, speech or action.

So in our community largely we are a solitary TPE couple, we are surrounded by kinksters. fetishists and purely S&M oriented couples. Normally we would have no issue with this, however we have one individual that rails so hard against labels, protocol and the structure we hold to be integral to our kink identity, that it seems almost phobic.

I’ve come to the point where I don’t really talk about TPE and our M/s dynamic openly to people in our community because I have come to feel that no one can really “let it be” – We have Rituals and protocols that we adhere to, but they are largely unobtrusive, the most obvious is the one of her sitting at my feet when it is not going to freak out the vanillas.

I ask questions of the community in our local fetlife group on a regular basis, and in doing so when it is relevant I draw parallels and comparisons between TPE and the question…. Numerous times the response from this person leads with “I don’t D/s, but……”  and even in one on one conversation he goes out of his way to point this out. I think the particular event(?) that broke the camel’s back was a journal entry I made on fetlife(and here) regarding Dominants and perceptions of what a Dominant should be. The response I received largely stayed on topic, except for a response from this individual basically laying out a whole guideline for his -own- definition of labels as it pertains to him (basically creating a whole new set of definitions/names for Dom/Sub/etc). To me, it was a direct slap in the face.

Perhaps I am taking this out of context or reading too much into it, however I must say that being “alone” in the local community we certainly feel alone when surrounded by people that are supposed to foster a feeling of belonging.  We were remarking the other day how Our trips to the bigger city for MaST and the people we have had the pleasure of meeting and getting to know, make us feel more at home then our locals do. Even the kinksters and fetishists are respectful, accepting or at the very least open to accepting what TPE means to us.  In the long run, this has been the reasoning behind our more frequent trips to that city for events and the community with-in. Yes, they have Politics but for the most part we stay neutral and prefer to simply enjoy the individuals rather than the climate between groups.

I’m not sure if this situation is just a one off pertaining to our little backwards town, or if there are others out there that have experienced something similar…but this is how I see it, and where W/we are atm community wise.

 

Regards,

 

 

Syn

Random thoughts – beginnings of a rant

“The Gift of Submission”

“Know why you submit to Me as I lay claim apon you….”

The two above quotes, are examples of the type of thing I hear daily… From internet rhetoric to romanticizing the position of a dominant (2nd quote is a direct copy/paste from a writing, yes i know its spelled Upon). There’s a lot of bullshit that floats around on a daily basis out there.

We never talk about the gift of dominance, ever notice that? If the masses of 50 shades housewives and armchair Dominants are to be believed, then inherently
submission is more valuable because it is “given freely as a gift”…. Well I hate to break it to you, but I don’t “Dom” someone without a damn good reason, Sure I’ll top, or be your Sadist (maybe). But for me to bestow the Gift of Dominance upon a worthy submissive I must know that she is pure as the driven snow, with an upstanding public persona, who in private is willing to let her hair down. She must become a ravening sex-starved, cock hungry, cum dumpster, willing to do everything I say as it leaves my lips and not question me, for my gift is dominance and it must not be questioned, or rebuffed.

Do you see how ridiculous that sounds ?

Similarly – the laying claim horse shit and other overly romantic notions of the Marquis de Sade, and his historical brethren – you’re all fucking deluding yourselves. Dom’s – be your version of a dominant, don’t be a Christian Grey, or the Marquis de Sade, or Lestat the vampire or whatever other internet personality you might be emulating. Sub’s, don’t get disappointed when you can’t find these Ideal archetypes (but don’t settle either).

Life is not perfect, BDSM is not perfect, but be real, be genuine.

If you’re becoming something you’re not, in an effort to get a submissive, or pussy  or the adoration of doe-eyed submissives everywhere….then you’re just being one of the posers I have nothing but scorn for.

 

A few Random thoughts that may later coalesce into a bigger post.

 

Regards,

 

 

Syn

A Vulnerability, and Being Oblivious.

No one really “loves” talking about personally hard subjects, it’s perhaps the greatest taboo out there, vulnerabilities are things people tend to play close to the chest, however since this blog and cyber-space in general affords us some anonymity some are a little more free to talk about them.
Since this is one such avenue for me, that’s precisely what I want to write about today…One of my vulnerabilities. If in your eyes it will make you see me as less, or not a true Master/Dominant  personality, then please, come back for my future posts and give this one a pass. Before you go however I want to share this quote which may entice you to stay or at the least understand why I am writing this.

“I want to be a man who is truthful and who won’t let pride get in the way of my ripping myself open to my partner and saying, ‘Here I am. This is me.’ I feel there’s something powerful when a man reaches a point in his life when he can be completely vulnerable.” Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson

I’ve never been what you’d call suave, or confident when it comes to meeting women I find attractive, in fact I tend to get nervous, tongue tied , and quiet. My little fae can tell you that 90% of the time that is not me at all, I usually have my shit together, and have no problems matching anyone in conversation.

I’ve always been very self conscious, I’m a big man, I stand 5’9 and 220lbs, and I have body hair I refuse to remove, and although I look overweight I can deadlift a small car (after a few years of powerlifting). I come from a time when my love of video games, Sci-fi/fantasy and comic books/graphic novels we not trendy or cool. I will likely be remembered as the kid who when he asked a girl to prom got kneed in the groin and walked away from. I don’t constantly relive these things, but I do carry them with me. Because of these things I often gravitated towards ANY woman that would have me, even if those women were train wrecks. I’ve only ever asked one woman out in my life, and it was the girl in high school, there may be one other that had a similar result when I was much younger, but it’s too foggy for me to recall properly.

I cannot read women, at all – they might as well be aliens for all the good it does me, I can read the body language of a cat a million times better. Not to say I can’t recognize flirting from a woman, I just can’t recognize it when it’s directed at me. My little fae chuckles at this and has assured me that since we have been together there have been multiple women that have, and I am completely oblivious to.

The reason I have mentioned all of this is (not so) simple.

As someone on a path of mastery, to me, that means continually improving myself and striving to be better at whatever I set my mind to. Maybe not an expert, but better.  How does this relate in any way to TPE and BDSM ? Well, as I mentioned, my little fae and I have been looking (not actively but our eyes are open) for a woman to join us in a Triad dynamic, not to “fix” anything, but to add to what we have already in a positive manner. My little fae is Bisexual, and misses women – and after some lengthy conversations W/we both think that having a woman who is submissive to me, but Dominant to her could enrich our lives. This would need to be an equal partnership, and have her be as much ‘mine’ as she is my little fae’s. In that it would stave off jealousy and problems that would arise from trying to steal a partner or some other situation 3 parts of a whole as it were.

In the interim of finding that Triad, I figure I’ll need to discuss this next thought further with my little fae (Hear that ? coffee topic tomorrow :P) , but I believe we’ve settled on finding at the very least a Female for play/ a threesome(?) if not more. One in particular if my current train of thought is right.

So what the fuck is the problem, you ask ?

Like I said, I’m fucking clueless when it comes to women, how do I know if I’m on the radar, or since they want to play with my slave they’ll ‘tolerate’ me ? I have issues in my own head to work through regarding my case of being-a-bitch-itis.

Confidence is sexy, thats what I always hear…and I AM confident as a D-type on my path of mastery, My (current) dynamic and what I want, but how do I get past my head fucking it up ? Or at least to the point where I am not second guessing all the goddamn time. It does get annoying that I am clueless when it comes to women, it’s a miracle my little fae found me after so many years, and suggested the coffee, as I said, when I went to kiss her the first time in my head it was a crap shoot as to whether or not she was going to shove me away until out lips connected, even though she looks incredulous I couldn’t tell she was interested.

So, there you have it, horrible secret ? destruction of the Idea that I am in fact a D-type personality ? or are some of the other D-types out there shaking their heads at me ? Any thoughts, comments or advice is welcomed from whoever….. I could use some.

 

Regards, and in the Spirit of Leather,

 

 

 

Syn.

Romantic Notions – Setting yourself up for failure ?

I notice lately a lot of people  have started to romanticize the lifestyle to a point that really paints an unrealistic picture of  Dominant and submissive alike.

I understand that there are different types of D-types out there, and different styles to go along with it, the Romantic, the disciplinarian, the father figure, the list goes on. Those are not things i have problems with. It’s the legion of “dom’s” and “sub’s” that think every “real” Dominant is a poetry writing, soft handed, self contained Don Juan meets Dothraki Khal, waiting to be unleashed as a scourge on lace panties everywhere.

I’m not a romantic by any means, my post from earlier this week is about the limit for me.  As a Master I set rules, protocol and I expect them to be followed. My little fae is both my slave and my Masochist, Romance for us is the quiet moments we get after the play is done, and we can just be together, touch each other, share a laugh and maybe get some food.

I am a Master who isn’t a student of the fine arts, a sculptor, or a musician. I’m a Master who Plays online games, watches bad B-horror Movies, and bounced in a Biker bar for the better part of a decade.  I don’t profess to know a deeper meaning to TPE or BDSM, I know what I like and I’m fortunate enough to have a slave that likes the same things.  The closest I can fit these “ideals” is telling you a few more things about myself – I love the martial arts, Doctor WHO, I owned a bonsai which lived for 12 years before I moved, I gave up smoking recently however I vape instead, I can pair just about any food with wine thanks to being a trained sommelier, I used to lead a top 50 world raid guild on world of warcraft.

Shatter your preconceived notion of what a D-type MUST  be yet ? I hope so.

I see many new (and some not so new) “participants” in the lifestyle discounting my opinion, or straight out being rude to me when I comment on things, simply because I’m rougher around the edges than most. I like to think that in a high protocol (TPE) situation I could carry myself as well as any of these Poet Laureate dominants that some of these people seem to assume are the be all end all of D-types.

D-types come in all shapes, sizes, backgrounds and personality types, don’t automatically assume that if someone doesn’t fit your over romanticized version of dominance that their opinion or viewpoint is lesser if someone that meets your “ideal” disagrees. Don’t let your loins think for you, use some common sense, and stop thinking your Dominant (or dominant personality) is going to be something that steps out of a historical romance novel. Do research over and above the singular source, get the viewpoint of multiple Dominants, other lifestyle sources and some common fucking sense.

I should point out with a small apology and for others scorn, that I don’t believe that everyone believes this way, but holy christ there’s a lot of 50 shades of grey type motherfuckers that do….

The Reality is this – Yes TPE can be Pretty, life affirming and create a bond that is indescribable , TPE can also be All of these things as well as Raw, brutally honest and capable of showing you every inch of a person’s soul, good or bad.

You have to realize what is and isn’t real to expect of your dominant for any of that to happen though, or you’re going to be sorely disappointed and might never find what you’re looking for.

 

Regards,

 

Syn

Sometimes.

Sometimes my responsibility as a Master, is to make sure my Slave carries out her tasks efficiently and properly.

Sometimes my responsibility as a Master is to make sure my Slave is aware of her place as my property.

Sometimes my responsibility as a Master is to train my slave to serve me the way I want.

Sometimes my responsibility as a Master is to push my slave out of her comfort zone.

Sometimes my responsibility as a Master is to remind my slave that I have her growth and best interests at heart.

Sometimes my responsibility as a Master is to mark my property so that she has reminders of me when we are apart.

Sometimes my responsibility as a Master is to treat her like my little slut.

Sometimes my responsibility as a Master is to reward her when she is a good girl.

Sometimes my responsibility as a Master is to Help her to make healthy choices to keep my property in good condition.

Sometimes my responsibility as a Master is to Punish her for displeasing me.

Sometimes my responsibility as a Master is to keep earning her trust.

Sometimes my responsibility as a Master is to understand my slaves mind and needs before she does.

Some times my responsibility as a Master is to Protect her and make her feel safe.

Sometimes my responsibility as a Master is to be open and honest with my slave, as I expect her to be with me.

Sometimes my responsibility as a Master is to be all these things simultaneously.

Sometimes my responsibility as a Master is to forget all these things and sit quietly with her in my arms and let her Master her own demons, knowing I will be there when she needs me.