I often hear stories about how in the old days BDSM was “underground” or hidden from the general public. I can kind of empathize with that thanks to a current situation W/we find ourselves in, in our local community.
Now, the original leathermen found themselves in a situation where TPE, S&M and the very state of being gay was at best all considered mental illness and at worst if outed would result in a severe beating and possibly being killed. Let me be clear, my little fae and I are nowhere near that level of ostracism, and perhaps it’s in our heads, but I feel it’s something I need to explain and get off my chest.
As I have mentioned, my little fae and I are the only M/s couple who regularly attends our munches/is active in our community – A small aside for clarity: there is one female domme and her male sub that come out as regularly as possible (with 3 children under the age of 3 that can be difficult). There is another splinter community that has 2 other TPE couples we do not associate with for various reasons, we are just not compatible in thought, speech or action.
So in our community largely we are a solitary TPE couple, we are surrounded by kinksters. fetishists and purely S&M oriented couples. Normally we would have no issue with this, however we have one individual that rails so hard against labels, protocol and the structure we hold to be integral to our kink identity, that it seems almost phobic.
I’ve come to the point where I don’t really talk about TPE and our M/s dynamic openly to people in our community because I have come to feel that no one can really “let it be” – We have Rituals and protocols that we adhere to, but they are largely unobtrusive, the most obvious is the one of her sitting at my feet when it is not going to freak out the vanillas.
I ask questions of the community in our local fetlife group on a regular basis, and in doing so when it is relevant I draw parallels and comparisons between TPE and the question…. Numerous times the response from this person leads with “I don’t D/s, but……” and even in one on one conversation he goes out of his way to point this out. I think the particular event(?) that broke the camel’s back was a journal entry I made on fetlife(and here) regarding Dominants and perceptions of what a Dominant should be. The response I received largely stayed on topic, except for a response from this individual basically laying out a whole guideline for his -own- definition of labels as it pertains to him (basically creating a whole new set of definitions/names for Dom/Sub/etc). To me, it was a direct slap in the face.
Perhaps I am taking this out of context or reading too much into it, however I must say that being “alone” in the local community we certainly feel alone when surrounded by people that are supposed to foster a feeling of belonging. We were remarking the other day how Our trips to the bigger city for MaST and the people we have had the pleasure of meeting and getting to know, make us feel more at home then our locals do. Even the kinksters and fetishists are respectful, accepting or at the very least open to accepting what TPE means to us. In the long run, this has been the reasoning behind our more frequent trips to that city for events and the community with-in. Yes, they have Politics but for the most part we stay neutral and prefer to simply enjoy the individuals rather than the climate between groups.
I’m not sure if this situation is just a one off pertaining to our little backwards town, or if there are others out there that have experienced something similar…but this is how I see it, and where W/we are atm community wise.