Vanilla, Chocolate, at the very least I want Sprinkles.

A group we are part of on fetlife recently Posed a musing – one in regards to people “ignoring” their vanilla Friends when the become involved in the lifestyle. I don’t really agree with it, but not in the way you think.

As I get older I find I don’t want to have to separate my Kinky Friends (or life) from my vanilla, I am who I am and I want to surround myself with people who accept and like me for that reason, not because they only see one side of me.

I saw answers ranging from I jumped in with both feet and ignored my vanilla friends, to not really – I have a healthy balance.

Because of my past, I HAD to get rid of all my old friends as there was not one to be found that was a healthy enough influence to maintain my sobriety. During that period of my life I had multiple circles of friends; One for the Gamers, one for the geeks, one for the people I worked with at the bar, one for the drugs and alcohol, and the circle of partiers I ran with and then there was the person I was in private when I was by myself. There was a small bit of overlap, but for the most part I kept (and had to) them all separate, and it eventually drove me insane having to hide parts of me from people because they wouldn’t accept me.

As I mentioned as I get older, I WANT my Kinky friends to become my vanilla friends too – yeah, having Kink’s in common is nice, but I’d love to be able to sit down with the same people I was -just- at a play party with the night before, and Play a game of Carcassonne, or watch the New episode of Doctor WHO, or even discussing the hot scene last night in the middle of the party in between the rest. As you can guess my little fae and I are “out” as members of the community, but we don’t flaunt it – even our vanilla Family and Friends are at the very least kink friendly, so if something slips out we don’t have to worry about them wondering wtf because they have no context.

Now, don’t get me wrong I understand that for professionals, politicians, and certain other folks a level of discretion is needed…. but my big question is this – if you DO have to hide in your professional life, why subject yourself to doing so around Friends that are supposed to enrich and accept all aspects of who you are ?

Just a few thoughts on a subject that tickled my attention a bit.





4 responses to “Vanilla, Chocolate, at the very least I want Sprinkles.

  1. For privacy sake — only Master, myself and WP bloggers know. I have many friends who would accept me as I am – and be very interested to learn more, but I am in a visible public position that may not be accepting of my choices. I also have elderly conservative Family members whom I honor and will not make them feel upset. They will not be with me forever.

    We are not part of any groups, nor do we visit BDSM venues. When we go out, we are pretty Vanilla other than my day collar and Master taking charge.

    That said — in the future these items may change. But for now, Master and I are very private and happy with that scenario. (Note: maybe it helps that I deal with people constantly and I am happier to be private after being “on” and dominant all day.)

    • Perfectly acceptable reasoning, I too have a very conservative set of Parents, and they, along with my little fae’s kids are the only one’s we are not “out” too – honestly the kids are old enough and have been around us enough to know, but they don’t ask and we don’t tell… Lol

  2. My friends are mostly my colleagues or church friends. Neither group would be kink friendly, but both groups are fairly receptive to a traditional male-led relationship, so that is not hidden. Like Diveca, I am “on” and dominant all day long and I want to private and quiet at home. I’m out to my WP friends only.

  3. Interesting quandary. Part of me thinks of it like religion or politics, it might just be best not to talk about. Other times it would be fun to have an opportunity to share a story during a casual conversation. Like others stated though, I really don’t like people that much and prefer to hang with my other in at home, so it also has little to do with the lifestyle. Back to Quandary.

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