Family, Leather, and Unicorn Mounted Leprechauns.

Well, this week has definitely started off better than last – My little fae and I took some U/us time and went to the neighboring city on the weekend, however it was just for a shopping trip, we desperately needed the time together, and time we got. We spent the night after I got off work, travelling to the city and time with our family there – Crepe’s were had, deep conversations, and not so deep conversations alike.

Our family sought out our advice on a few things, we talked, we discussed and I am deeply proud and honored to be trusted with giving advice that hopefully helped them A/all.  The pertinent parts of this have been left vague, because it isn’t my story to tell, but I hope that they will be alright – They’re family, and I love them.

The next day was spent  with just the two of us, we did some shopping – got some shorts and shirts. My little fae has the responsibility of helping me with wardrobe choices, I’m horrible at picking and/or shopping for myself. So we spent the day, Breakfast, Shopping and just generally being together, away from everything.  It not only really helped me relax and forget for a bit about my bell’s palsy, but it was beyond incredible to be able to reconnect with my little fae too. We get so little time as is, that every moment is something more precious than I can measure.

When we were pretty much done at the mall, on a whim, we made one last stop at Danier leather. We don’t have many options for leather gear in our city, so we always love stopping in to browse. As soon as we walked in, we were greeted, and something on a sale rack immediately caught my eye. I had finally found a men’s leather vest I loved the looks of. Being broad in the chest generally makes it hard to shop for myself, and I usually take an XXL shirt, so I don’t Rip it apart when I move my arms forward or backward. I was a touch Dismayed when I saw that the only one left was a 3Xl, however (while only a touch long) fit perfectly in the shoulders. I immediately asked them to set it aside for later purchase while we continued browsing.

My little fae came across a jacket she loved as well, a gorgeous tan suede biker jacket that looked amazing on her. I knew from the second I saw her try it on I was going to buy it for her. She’s stubborn though, and I knew she loved it, and I was waiting to see if she’d pull the trigger on buying it herself.  I don’t get to treat her much to expensive things, and honestly – to me this leather was mine to give her. She has more than earned leather from me – both as my Slave, and as my soulmate. I think I made a Good choice in doing so, and I cannot wait to see her in it, it looks fucking amazing on her.

With our shopping done, home we headed.

Our Trips to and from the city are always filled with conversation – point/counterpoint, and sometimes one of us playing devil’s advocate, just to get the other thinking about something in a different light.

Our Topic of choice (or at least majority) on the way home turned to Polyamory, and our search for a third…. not in the usual sense though – it was more of a “what role DO you want” in the triad…and how we’d Like to see it in an Ideal setting (yes, yes, I know, let it come naturally however it plays out). One question I did ask of my little fae, as i was generally curious, is how she used to find prospective partners when she was poly.  I learned a little bit about her thoughts on it, and it got me to thinking.

An organically grown(?) triad is going to work best for us. Yes we are open to the idea, but not actively searching – I jokingly said: “We’re not going on a goddamn dating site or something like that either!”. We both know I was saying iot just for the sake of saying it, and neither of us has ANY intention of finding our third that way.

However, as I was processing this, I remembered reading about another, and their search for their unicorn – it has been quite a few months for them, and multiple interviews; Still no luck.

So, I have been thinking – with our situation being as it is, in a VERY small city – do we become more aggressive in seeking out our unicorn ? and my More aggressive, I mean – change our fet profiles to reflect that goal, even subtly ? Or just continue on in our little Cloistered community and hope she falls into our laps ? S-types are rare here, Female bi-sexual switches who are single, might as well be a leprechaun mounted atop a unicorn with rainbow sparkles.

So, with all that – tomorrow it is back to the grind, I have had a day off, and feel semi-rested. We have MaST: TPE and Polyamory coming up two weekends from now, and I am sure that will raise even MORE questions from me… and definitely a few more blog posts….

Regards,

Syn

A Low Day, and Some insight.

Well, thus far the week has Been quiet, and quite the learning curve.

With the Bells Palsy, even eating is a bit of a chore, and I find myself having to be extra careful at work – no one wants to have a sales associate that has ceasar dressing in his beard…. Rum maybe, but I’d need to wear the eye patch to make that legit. I’ve Resorted to working in sunglasses to give my good eye a rest, and limit the amount of questions that take up time during the day regarding how/what/where and why about my Bells Palsy.

I will admit, today I had a bad day – and while I kept laughing and joking my self esteem took a dive – I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror in the washroom, and then walked out to help a customer – which I might add was a gorgeous girl that I have talked with an “safe-flirted” with in the past (all part of the Job). Today, there was none of that, she noticed, asked and when I told her her whole demeanor changed to one of pity.

It’s not the first time something like this has effected me – many girls over the years have dismissed me – and I know there is only ONE that matters, but still, this one hurt a little bit, and my newly found fuckitall zen crumbled a little bit.

Perhaps its vanity, or something else – but my other thought was how does this translate to my Lifestyle ? Our quest for our unicorn ? I’m not the most attractive man out there, although my little fae Disagree’s and I love her for it. I’m more of the kinda guy that needs to talk to someone for a while – thats my ace in the hole: my Mind.

“I’ve never gotten laid because of the way I look, in my life. I know that. I’ve never gained from my looks at all. It’s not like, “Oh they’re going, what am I gonna do now?” I’ve never gained any advantage in life – I’ve never been laid because of the way I look. I’ve never been a guy who can just walk in a room and women go, “Ohhhhhoooo!”… I’m not that guy. I’m the guy that women see and they go, “Ehhh?” and I’m like, “No I know but just let me talk to you for a minute.” – Louis CK.

Just a little snippet of how I felt today, on top of missing My little fae like crazy – it has been a hard week for us both, and I am torn between wanting to be there for her, and wanting her near for my own peace of mind.

 

Regards,

 

Syn

 

 

 

A Pirate’s Life for me ?

This has been one of those weeks I’d rather Put behind me, but it’s going to be in the forefront of my mind for the foreseeable Future.

lately I have been working an obscene amount of hours, 95 in the last two weeks, and would have been more, except for Friday night’s events.

Thursday, I felt as though I was getting an ear infection, so I went off to the walk-in clinic, got diagnosed, and started my medication.

Friday started normally – up, message my little fae, walk to work. On the walk my tongue started to tingle and go numb. I didn’t honestly notice it and thought it was just a mild reaction to the Penicillin.

The day continued on, and during a business meeting later on in the evening I had lost almost all the feeling in the left side of my face. I was not overly worried about it being a stroke as I still had grip strength in my hands, and my body temperature was about normal. Regardless, after our meeting around midnight, I asked my co-worker (or as we call her the work wife) to take me to the hospital, En-route I called my little fae who was at work and told her what was going on.

I registered at the front desk in Emergency and settled in.

Dot left work and was there in less than a half hour. in the intervening time, I had a Grip strength check, and 3 vials of blood drawn. I know there were trying to rule out a stroke. So after 3 or 4 hours I finally got to see the doc, and was officially Diagnosed with Bell’s Palsy. Needless to say I, and my little fae were very relieved.

So, thus far, I have gone 3 days with the symptoms, and I must say, it’s more of a piss off than anything… I have no depth perception, and have to drink my coffee through a straw, HOWEVER the endless supply of Pirate, Two-face (from batman) and Jim Ross related jokes are awesome.

So I have learned a few valuable lessons within my first few days.

1. Swish and Spit for brushing teeth, is best done in the shower.

2. Knife and fork to eat everything, and have a napkin handy.

3. If your Slave is always on the side you develop Bell’s Palsy on, she essentially becomes your peripheral vision, and can and will point out people you -should- say hi to when they enter a room.

4. Stairs require depth perception, it’s ok to laugh when you miss one, and your slave needs to Go up them first.

5. Vaping is easy, blowing rings is impossible.

6. taping your eye shut in the mornings can be frustrating – having your other half do it, removes some of this.

7. a sense of humor goes a long way.

8. the patience others show you, in not looking away or staring, tells you a lot about them.

9. My little fae, is amazingly kind, patient and again has proven just how incredible she is… ❤

 

Regards,

 

 

Syn

Had a Ball, and it Didn’t Deflate.

 

The weekend is over, and I must say although I am exhausted , I am also very content – and in a much better headspace about some things.

Saturday was The Ball in the neighboring city, so after work off we went .  We got there later, so we ended up dressing quickly and going with our Family to the Bar where the event is hosted.

It was fantastic to see everyone, and be greeted warmly by people. I am not, by nature a hugger, but I find it easy to accept and give hugs with all of these friends.

I must admit I am more at peace with my earlier issues regarding looking for a third, and am slowly finding my Fuckitall Zen. (this is relevant to the rest of what is about to follow).

When someone joins our local community (as more than a creeper) it’s a pretty big deal, and recently a woman joined/posted in our local group – being a curious pair, my little fae and I checked out her profile, and we were beyond impressed Cute (from her grainy picture) and intelligent/articulate. So needless to say we were looking forward to meeting her at the munch on the 24th.

Imagine our surprise, when after saying some requisite hello’s and hugs all around for some, we stepped into the main area of the Ball, and from across the room – there she was, 6 foot plus, in a corset, garters, panties and high heels (with pigtails). I think we were both struck almost speechless.

We did get a chance to meet her, and I was pretty proud of myself, I didn’t stammer at all, and even managed to get a laugh or two out of her. After my little fae and I said our goodbye’s and continued on to our table and visited with the MaST organizers, who also happen to be our family, and the other two a pair we consider good friends. The second pair is a Lesbian couple – Master and slave and very very much like us in the way we are…. this was the first real event we had seen them at outside of MaST, and a dinner they invited us to at their home.  I loved being able to visit and laugh with all of them.

During this event, there are kink vendors galore, and from another contact of ours we purchased a Plug and Tail for my little fae, as well as a Brand new 20″ oiled leather Flogger, Along with a new leopard print collar for my little fae.

After a Post Ball trip to a restaurant for a late night snack, it was back to the house to sleep.

The next morning I had a chat with Randilin and Tamile, I was curious about their thoughts on my  recent Needle play experience, and resulting battle with my brain, along with some thoughts on how that related to my little fae and I searching for our third.

My talk with them was also a form of personal growth for me. Even a year ago, my little fae, and these pages would have been the only place I would have voiced my problems, and I cannot thank those two for their insight, and compassion – they did largely reinforce many things I had already come to terms with, but also sent me home with some reading material and a bit more to think about. Truth be told, I will likely be better moving forward than I would have been without the conversation.

I will have more on this I am sure, but for now, Just a recap.

I am looking forward to the munch, and enjoying the ride to come…. I know I’ll be fighting my head for a while to come, but at least now I know where to start.

 

Regards,

 

Syn

Where Syn Starts Getting His Shit In Order.

Last Night I wrote further about my Needle Play Experience, and a few things i had mulled ovver in my head as a result, and unfortunately wordpress ate it. This did however get me thinking more, and so I started re-writing when I got home from work, as I had more time to think.

I’ve come to realize that I thoroughly enjoyed myself topping someone that wasn’t Dot. After some conversation with her, and yet more processing, I also realize that there is no reason for me to feel guilty about doing so – as long as the bottom in question has respectfully asked Dot for permission to play with me/asked me and I tell her (part of our negotiated verbal contract), then I should just enjoy myself. it’s incredibly hard for me to just let go of a lifetime of stigma and being up tight regarding anything vaguely erotic or “abnormal”.  Dot assures me that she Loved watching me “at work” and sat visiting with Lola while doing so.

Which brings me to the next point and a hard one for me to admit.

I’m marginally jealous of Dot at these events.

Whether she see’s (or admits) it, or not she garners A LOT of attention at these events. quite often I feel as though I am nothing but an afterthought to some. She doesn’t see it, but she is strikingly beautiful, and even though she is my Slave, she can dominate a room just on her presence alone when she enters it. Couple this with my lack of ability to overcome some pretty deep seeded self esteem issues, and I do on occasion feel left out when it comes to women who have made it no secret that they want to play with her. We also talked about this at length – and at the root of it, is my self esteem issues, I have to learn to not give a fuck.

They say it takes 21 days of repetition to build or break a habit, I am more than willing to put in the work to break this issue I have… I just don’t know where to start or how. I am proud of myself though, I’m MUCH better than I was even 5 years ago.

It’s frustrating for me to be so sure of myself in some aspects, and so fucking weak or unsure in others. I don’t even know how to put words to it to be honest, I have sat here from the last paragraph to this one thinking for a good 15 minutes on it, and still the words won’t come.

She assures me that I am very very good at starting conversations, and she can handle the flirting, but to be honest, I need to learn to do a bit of that myself – which brings us back to finding my center of “not giving a fuck zen”.

Perhaps I need to stop trying to analyze and just do, rather than over thinking – it’s not Astrophysics.

Right?

Goddamn it.

Regards,

 

Syn

Yet More Firsts – Needles and Raven Haired bottoms.

it’s been a long ass time since I’ve updated – and many things have happened….

 

On a Vanilla Front – we’re back to just two of us at work, and because of this I’m in the midst of 13 days straight (I don’t count the sundays the store is closed). It’s almost relaxing however, as a very toxic person is no longer there, I’d rather work for the next month till we hire and train someone with just us, than have to worry about this person working one more shift with me. That said – the lack of time with my little fae STILL bothers me greatly.

On a kink front, we just returned from an invite-only play party hosted by our family in the other city. I had the honor of teaching a pair of close Friends some Needle play basics, and experienced another first for me as well – I topped someone who was not my little fae. I have never actually done that, nor played with anyone but Dot, and truth be told I was nervous. It was an interesting experience to say the least, as I had met her during the Public play party the month before, and both Dot and I find her absolutely gorgeous. She stopped with only 3 needles in, however I was marginally glad, trying to make sure my bottom was OK, along with checking on my “pupils” and having to deal with my bottoms boyfriend(?) just over my shoulder the whole time, I was exhausted.

You have to understand, playing with someone for me can be as intimate as sex, and there was a small voice in the back of my head that was screaming at me, that this wasn’t right to do, nevermind with my little fae sitting less than 15 feet away. I did have fun though – and the next day I continued the Trend with my little fae, having a fairly hard scene the next night, when we got home.

 

Just a quick update, but more to come later this week, I promise.

 

Regards,

 

Syn