I Love, HARD.

“He loves hard”.

My little fae said that to My cat two nights ago in regards to me – The Circumstances center around something that is passed and doesn’t bear revisiting. However for context I should point out that it was a blazing display of my protectiveness, worry and a less positive thing – some of my insecurities.

I was worried that I may have scared my cat, in the past the (for lack of a better term) ferocity of my emotions – ┬áhave been seen as a negative, I care too much, I love too much, and I Fall too hard. These were (WERE) to me negatives, and used against me at every turn, or I managed to find partners that didn’t appreciate the depth of emotion that seems completely normal to me.

My little fae is used to this, and appreciates the fact I care as deeply as I do – although some times I think she has trouble dealing with it too, but she is accepting.

My Cat is a Primal, and New to Poly (as I am), but as such, we have evolved into a pack, and one that I think the bit of primal I have in me is better suited for.

You see, if I have a bit of an animal, and it’s a bear. Loyal, Protective, and Loves deeply and Hard.

I still do see this as a negative sometimes, because most people don’t know how to deal with the depth of emotion I can put out some days – I just hope my cat understood. She hasn’t run screaming yet, and is still talking to my little fae and I in our G-talk, so that’s a good sign I suppose.

I could ramble on, or try and form a coherent ending, but honestly I don’t know where this was going…. just something that happened that I wanted to get out, as it’s been bothering/rattling around in my head.

Regards,

Syn

Hellcats, Fae’s, and learning to Poly.

I recently started a writing to try and recap everything that has gone on since the birth of our triad with my little fae and My Hellcat(I know she felt like a wolf in my head when we started this, but things have changed, and so has her Moniker). I now realize that that attempt would be futile, and not do justice to it in the least.

So instead, how about a look at right now ?

I just got back from a short walk in a light, post-downpour rain. I needed a Cigar, the vape wasn’t strong enough, and the Biting taste and feel of it in my lips is helping a bit.

My fae and my cat are having some time (and probably a coffee) together before my cat returns to the city. We all had some very heady, intelligent and frank conversation about likes, dislikes, Limits and our future together, both as pack, and as a TPE triad. I have (and I hope my two other thirds have) a much clearer picture for the future, and where we are going to go, and start our journey from.

So – The insight I promised.

I went for the walk for two reasons, I really wanted that cigar, AND the house is suddenly Deafeningly quiet. For two days I’ve had both of them under my roof, and with me. The conversations, Play, laughs and overwhelming rightness has been enough to have me on a high for the last 48 hours.

A few things I’ve realized since dipping into the poly arena – I truly hope all together is our default, it feels right having us together laughing, sharing jokes, and even cuddling.

I value the one on one time with Both of them. My Cat and My fae are very very similar, but very very different just the same, and both are brilliant. Time with either is time more than well spent, From my Cat’s neverending (and more than welcome) questions, to my little fae’s ability to know -just- what I need at just the right time, they both do their best to take care of me in their own way, and I am honored to do the same.

It’s been a few hours since they left, and the cigar is now long done. My cat was told to message me when she starts her trip out of the city so I know when she leaves, and message me when she arrives home – The storm is passed here, but she will be driving into it and I worry.

My little fae will likely message when her Miss drops her off, and I am anxious to here from her, her drop was starting to set in, and I am worried about her, as always. My cat took her for coffee not only to have some time with her, but also (I think) in her own way provide some more after care for her after a scene from last night that was our first time ALL playing together.

The care shown to our little one from her makes me very happy to know we have found someone that values her as I do.

I know my cat is still unsure of a few things, however I hope that in time, the last of these reservations fall away, and she, I and our little one can become as close as my little fae and I have been for these last 6 years.

I could write more – but even the writing isn’t helping at the moment – the drop is making it hard to focus. I will wait to hear from my other thirds, and then perhaps things will start to get better.

Maybe this is drop, maybe I just miss the hell out of them both, maybe it’s the same thing ?

Regards,

Syn