Another Trip Around the Daystar – Reflections on the Journey.

Well, another trip around the daystar is done. I turned 38 this year.

I was always wondering how to mark this occasion, I do every year. Drinks with friends, time with My little fae, a dinner date with my other partner, and surprisingly a lot of introspection and planning.

So what have I learned this year?

First and most importantly, I learned that going forward, my slave and I together can tackle anything that comes our way. Even more so than the years past, we’ve begun planning for the future. From our engagement to Attending Wicked in the West, and everything in between. We want to move forward, and experience – do different and new things. We want to help grow Leather Culture closer to home, and in the process grow together as Leatherfolk.  Our power exchange is stronger than ever, but we’ve realized it doesn’t exactly fit into a nice neat box, Master/slave, Owner/property, Leatherman/Leathergirl, we’ve come to be so much more than when we started this crazy ride just under 10 years ago. I am beyond grateful.

I’ve realized even more than last year, I’m not everyone’s cup of tea, and that’s OK. When you meet me I am equal parts smartass, sarcastic, and introverted. I will good-naturedly tease, and some can’t handle the reality of my relationship with my little fae. I know some people think I’m an asshole, but those that look deeper, or catch on that I’m rarely serious are the type I’d rather surround myself with. For friends, family, and tribe, I would do almost anything – and I have also realized that being able to balance healthy “giving” and receiving of energy sometimes I have to say no, or enough. Authentic people who care will respect that, and if they don’t then it’s their loss, not mine. That’s self-care, not greed or being a poor friend.

In the last bit of this year, I’ve also come to the conclusion, that I am the one in control of the things I experience, and associate with. I’ve taken steps to experience Polyamory in a healthy and less reckless/more organic way. My little fae is fully on board, and I am blessed that my other partner is and was a dear friend first, Her and her primary. I’m looking forward to the future there, it’s just tricky for me having to experience all the “firsts” of a new relationship so many years down the road again.

I have also come to the conclusion, that I am an equal opportunity Sadist/Master. I could see our house having a boy in service, just as evenly as having another female, Sex is a separate issue. We still want to find another partner for U/us, however, I’ve also become more accepting to the idea of Dot having a sub/play partner as long as there is no other dominant in the picture, that I think would create a hell of a mess that would be detrimental to our goals. Poly was never off the table, it is my reaction to it which has undergone a change.

I’ve come to realize that My Leather has always been a part of me, but as I get older it evolves. The core tenants have always been there, but I am less apologetic and ashamed of everything else than ever before. I used to worry about what people would think of the person that I was, but thanks to some self-improvement work I’ve done, that no longer matters. In the end, having people who have a problem with who you are and what you’ve become can be more of a yard stick for progress than anything. Leather is no different, authenticity will breed haters, that’s how you know you are succeeding.

Going forward I’m going to continue what I have been doing, I will adapt when I need to, continue reading the works of the stoics, and other modern thinkers. I will continue on my Leather path, and do so with my little fae at my side (not to mention others if they will walk with me).

I think I have a good plan for the next trip around the daystar. I’ve made progress this year mentally, physically, philosophically, and emotionally.

All in all I am very pleased with the year, and can’t wait to see what lessons and experiences are waiting for me in the next.

Regards,

 

Syn.

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Your Penis Cost You How Much?

I’ve been going to the gym again on a pretty regular basis, and it’s kinda humorous to me the little things I can learn about myself from watching people there.

If you’ve never been to a gym, the first thing you’ll notice if you look closely are the different types of gym goers. There’s curl bro’s, bodybuilders, powerlifters, selfie queens, social butterflies and cardio bunnies. All of these archetypes are spread across men, women, and kids. I tend to fall into the powerlifter category.

I digress.

The important part of this actually takes place in the men’s changeroom.

I’ve worked really hard to accept my body, and all the bits associated with it, with the understanding I’ll always be a work in progress, So I work on being comfortable naked around other people. In the men’s room this can be simultaneously easier and harder to do.

So I tend to just walk around the men’s change room with little thought to modesty, I’ve seen the sideways glances and the snickering, I pay little attention. I do however notice most guys there either cover up or pull on jeans/undergarments so fast you’d think it was a magic act. The shame about their bodies is really evident. I suppose being around body and sex-positive spaces is starting to rub off on me.

So, last night I’m coming out of the sauna, I always take my phone in with me so I can catch up on Fetlife, or talk with my partners, it passes the time well. As I’m headed to my locker I noticed a kid about 20 or so, in his hands, he has a shaker bottle, his keys a cell phone, and a towel covering his bits. He’s in the process of talking to a friend about how much he benched today or something. I make it to my locker and out of the corner of my eye, I watch his towel slip, he moved a hand to try and recover himself, and in the process, his phone hits the floor face down. I call this moment Schrodinger’s phone, until he flips it over, it is both intact, and broken.

Shortly after the requisite “fuck” from him and his friend he flips it over, and it is indeed broken – to the point of being unusable, a 700$ plus phone done.

I learned in this moment that being comfortable with my own body and not worried about “being gay” or some other nonsense because I didn’t cover my penis isn’t only a huge milestone for me, but apparently it’s cost effective too.

I make light of it, but honestly learning to have less body shame, and more sex positivity was never more clearly illustrated to me than that moment… it sounds like a weird point to have an epiphany, but that’s exactly what happened, and I also realized how far I’ve come.

Regards,

 

Syn.

 

 

 

Wicked In the West – Lessons and memories.

I was originally going to write yesterday, but as I started typing, I realized the words weren’t coming together in my head well enough to express how I truly felt about the weekend – so as you can tell I needed to process a lot. (as a note I have left most names out and will simply relate my stories with them, as I don’t know how most would feel about fet names out in the world of my wordpress blog, where this will be cross posted.)

A few months ago Myself and my little fae had the absolute pleasure of attending a weekend in the bigger city called “Fantasy”, this time was different though – they turned a portion of the weekend into a conference, and this is where my “Wicked in the West” story begins. One of the presenters especially ( ❤ Cat) is responsible for me (us) making the final commitment to pull the trigger and buy our tickets. A group of lovely people from Edmonton AND Calgary came to that event, and I was overwhelmed at the immediate connection I felt with them. (Truth be told I got home and started following and perving as many folks from that province on fetlife as I could). Up until now I knew in my heart I identified as Leather, I knew what it meant to me, but I had no idea that Leather also felt like coming home to family.

Enter Wicked Weekend.

After a stop overnight to visit some dear friends in Saskatoon (you bastards and your moonshine). We were up early and on our way to Edmonton to do a bit of shopping and check in to the hotel/get registered for the conference. In line to register it was pretty standard, a few people came up and said hi, and it was actually nice to sit back and watch old friends share hugs, smiles and reconnect.

So, with registration done, we realized we hadn’t eaten since very early in the morning, and decided before the opening ceremony we probably should. A part of our Manitoba tribe had been there a day or so already had saved us seats where a bunch of folks had gotten together in the hotel to grab food, so we sat down and braced ourselves to meet a TON of new people. Between trading smart ass comments with a lovely lady in a pink PD kilt next to me, to meeting someone who apparently has fet stalked us as long as I have fet stalked her, I felt very at ease…. and then something happened that blew me away.

We had about an hour for dinner, and ordered quickly, however, our food was not forthcoming. Apparently, the ticket system in the kitchen had broken and our order never printed. I really wasn’t worried about myself, I intermittent fast 18 hours out of the day usually so I can function well on no food. My girl, on the other hand, does not. I was looking at the clock, and wondering if something from the vending machine would be enough to get her through until we could eat. I went out for a vape and came back in to find that two of the volunteers (F-1 and F-2) had given my little fae half of her meal to help her out, likely seeing her face was white and blood sugar was getting low.

That one act from an almost complete stranger (at the time)  meant so much to us both that I really have no words how much it put us at ease being around 90% strangers. So, I didn’t get a chance to say it then, and I will now. Thank you both, it meant a lot to me that you would give selflessly like that to two complete strangers from across the country.

I could go on from here about the Classes we attended, and how amazing they were, the things I learned, and the similarities I saw in them sharing how they play, and how they live. My largest regret of the weekend in that regard is we had to choose what classes to go to. I deeply regret not be able to meet the Fishes, or spend more than a passing conversation with Owner and owned nevermind being able to meet ALL 150+ strong of you that were there.

What I really want to talk about from here on out is what I think Wicked truly offered, and what I am glad I was able to let my guard down enough and be receptive to: The people, the energy, and the open-hearted acceptance.

I remember good morning hugs from some very special ladies (Cat and both of the girls who bleed so pretty, with their giggles and noises). To our breakfast (and more) chat with our MAsT Vancouver Counterparts  (I Promise we’ll keep in touch, and who knows we may be out there sooner than you think. <3), To passing a message to Badasscanes from a mutual friend who had to send her regrets she couldn’t attend. To the gala dinner and really being able to talk to the lady how recieved 6 of TM’s Best, to the moments one particular person in service to the event made time to visit. All of these little interactions, moments and time are more than I can list here – they all built and filled me with such a sense of belonging I can hardly describe how full my heart is and how well fed my soul is.

I’d also be remiss if I didn’t mention my Manitoba tribe.

Originally I didn’t understand what putting that patch on my back was going to mean to me. So to the other 3 of you there, thank you for making me proud to wear the leather bison on my back, I only hope that next time the rest of the Manitoba tribe can join us.

As for the competition portion of the event – I want to thank ALL of the Power Exchange Couples for being courageous enough to stand on that stage and open who you are to us, share, inspire and represent power exchange with so much passion.

To the Bootblacks: although I didn’t get to see near as much as I would have liked, I have to thank you for showing me that leather care is as much love, service and more than I ever thought possible.

To the Organizers Nelson and Impish – Thank you for not only an amazing event, and all the work you’ve obviously done, but thank you for making us feel welcome and part of something bigger.

Oh, One last thing before I end this monstrosity.

Immediately after the Closing ceremonies – I must admit I was hit with a wave of emotion, and for those that know me, I’m not exactly known for that (lol)… So I walked up to find Cat and the ladies with her before they left for Calgary. I was starting to mist up a little, and said as much to her. I will paraphrase a bit, but I don’t think I’ll ever forget her words.

“I understand, it’s hard knowing you’re leaving because you found your people, it’s like being home, I understand too….and you have people, you have me.”

It’s the truth you know.

Thank you Wicked, the organizers, the attendees, and the participants.

You’ve helped drive home something – Leather is tribe, Leather is thicker than blood, and Leather should make you feel like home is wherever Leatherfolk happen to be.

In Leather,

Syn.