I’ve written a bit about energy exchange in the past, and the give and take that people have both in the lifestyle and in day to day life. Using positive and negative energy to our advantage or detriment is something that, if you’re unaware of, can dictate your success or failures with partners or even your chosen role.
Which brings me to something I’ve been reflecting on for the last little bit.
Humans thrive on patterns, whether you believe it or not. We hear it every day “They had a pattern of behavior”, “A pattern of abuse”, and other patterns. The trick is recognizing them and learning how to break a negative pattern.
Personally, many moons ago, I had a pattern of the type of partner I would seek out, and honestly I didn’t even realize it at the time. Looking back it’s very clear.
Abusive partner I could “save” them from? Check.
Minimal work on Loving themselves or self eteem? Check.
unhealthy coping skills? Check.
Vapid, Jealous, and mentally or physically abusive? Check.
Now all these things aside, I had my own issues to deal with, which I have gone into at length elsewhere – The important part was realizing my pattern and trying to break it.
Originally I placed the blame for my patterns squarely on others, it’s so much easier to blame others for your circumstances than put the work in to change them. In the end, the truth of the matter is that -I- was (and am) the common denominator.
I took the initiative to change my thinking, and really analyze how I deal with people and situations.
Am I being true to myself?
Am I openly and honestly communicating my needs, wants, and desires?
Am I seeking relationships that will enrich my life and help with personal growth?
Do the people in my life add anything of value, be it joy, friendship or companionship?
Am I being honest with myself about what kind of person I am?
Are my interpersonal/coping skills the problem?
“The happiness of your life depends upon the quality of your thoughts.” – Marcus Aurelius
On the path of mastery one of the greatest things I ever made peace with was the fact that human beings on a whole are imperfect by nature (or nurture). I might not be able to control how they choose to act, live, and respond, However, I can choose to compromise with them.
Does my Partner make me happy? Hell yes she does, she adds to my life and my journey, but she does NOT define it, or control it. I see too much of people saying BDSM or power exchange “makes them whole”, or defines them, or their partner is used to define who they are as a person.
I used to think my partner, and my friends defined who I was as a person – that isn’t so, They do enrich my life, and expose me to a connection of something bigger than myself, however, at the end of the day I am the one responsible for my own joy, happiness, and how I view and interact with the world.
Dominant or submissive, it shouldn’t matter, YOU must strive to be the best PERSON you can be, not a label, and not relying on others to define you as a person. If that is the pattern you find yourself in perhaps it’s time to break it.
Patterns can be positive or negative but if you’re caught in a cycle of drama, destructive relationships, or even a cycle that stunts your growth, the only limiting factor is you.
YOU control your fate:
Not your Family.
Not your Friends.
Not your Dominant or Submissive.
Take the responsibility to analyze your patterns, and change them if you need to, ask for help, find a mentor, do what you need to.
Be authentic, be true to yourself, be courageous enough to break the patterns, and courageous enough to stop pointing fingers and start changing yourself for the better.