Singles Awareness Day – Or Love is Where You Find It.

“Happy Singles Awareness Day”

I’ve seen this Plastered across social media, chat groups, and even from clients in the shop today. Honestly I used to be one of you once upon a time, and Frankly – it’s Cringe worthy, and passive agressive at best as a saying.

Valentines day actually has it’s origins rooted in the Pagan Festival of Lupercalia, A celebration of fertility. The change to a celebration of love was first noted in 1375 by Chaucer in his poem “Parliament of Foules”.

So, minor history lesson aside, I offer this view of valentines day:

If we are going to use this particular day to point out how “unfair” or depressing a day for celebrating love is, I ask you this – Is Romantic love the only love you are capable of? I love my Partners, my kid, their kids, my family – Logical and blood, and my animal companions for starters.

I Also choose to express that love as often as a I can, not just today. When I was in the Singles Awareness Camp I was angry, bitter, and had NO idea what love really was. I was always looking for the next best thing, never happy with what I had, or WHO I had in my life. I wasn’t even truly happy with myself – I was toxic, to myself, potential partners, and to the people I would eventually learn to love.

I Choose to believe Valentines day can give you freedom: Freedom to express love one day a year because EVERYONE is as well, you don’t have to be worried “the boys” will laugh at you, or that people will think you’re weak – it is the freedom to express affection in a world that often times looks down on that expression as weakness from the masses.

So for you “singles awareness” or “commercial gift giving” day folks I strongly suggest taking a look around you for Love that already exists in you life and celebrate that. If you can’t see it, then start with yourself, take yourself on a date, buy yourself those Reese’s hearts, Do SOMETHING to love yourself, it will make it easier for people to love you when you already love who you are.

Blessed and joyous Lupercalia, Happy Valentines Day, I hope that even if you’re single and aware you take some time to love the single constant in your life: you.

Love is where you find it after all.

Regards,

Syn

A Cuck, A Quean, and A Cake Walk Into a Bar…

Cuckqueaning is an interesting fetish to have. It’s also relatively obscure compared to Cuckolding, and that is frustrating to no end.

From a porn standpoint, real, or at least passable CQ porn is limited, and cuckold porn will inevitably creep into the results. Many moons ago I’d frequent motherless which had a better selection than the bigger sites, but in the interim I discovered that site had a lot of illegal content, and I stopped going there. Tumblr was a great source as well, but as we all know it has since been sterilized.

The Fetish itself is also difficult at best to find willing participants. The girl and I have all but stopped looking for a potential partner in that capacity. Whether that is a geographical, social or other reason, I am at a loss. A lack of interest in both of us, a lack of interest in me, or just a lack of interest in “consensual infidelity” on a whole maybe?

Now, the point of this post – why is it less prominent of a fetish? Why do we see cuckolding every time we turn around? Why is it we see such diverse representation in Cuckold scenarios? BBC, MMF, small penis humiliation, Gangbangs, the list goes on. Yet we see very little in the way of CQ content that is similar, usually it’s non-con Cheating or incest themed (the Incest portion largely being porn).

One final question – Cuckqueans and Cuckcakes, why ARE you into it? What is your motivation, why do you get off on it?

Regards,

Syn

In the Face of Blind Hate

For the first time in my life, I think I know what being on the receiving end of real blind hate is like.

Some background – All my life I’ve been a passionate LBGTQ+ ally. Since I was young I believed love is love, it doesn’t matter race, sexuality, religion, People should be free to express and experience love in the way that works for them. I’ve used my privilege to advocate, fight for rights and educate. 

I’ve marched in every Pride event we’ve ever hosted, but this year was different. My girl was gone, off to a Women’s weekend in another province. Which didn’t stop me from attending our Pride festivities. However, an old problem from my time in the community reared its ugly head – I was bullied out of attending the rest of the weekend, because “my girl” wasn’t with me, and she is the one who lent me “cred” in the community. Truthfully it weighed on me and still does. I was told I wasn’t welcome at Pride as a Hetnormative CiS male, and never was, even 20 years prior when I bartended socials for the community and protected them from violence and threats, so I was informed if I attended the Pride bar night, I would get kicked out because they would tell a bouncer I was uttering threats. 

Because of a need to educate and dispell myths, I joined a local group on the book of faces, a confessions group no less, anonymous people submit confessions about everything you can imagine. My reasons for doing so were to try and be a voice to advocate, educate and call out the multitude of phobias in our tiny city. 

verything was going great, I was even asked to moderate the group as I was the only person who had knowledge of BDSM and LBGTQ+ folk on the team. 

Until it wasn’t. 

Apparently, something I said pissed off someone, and I was suddenly seeing Pictures of myself poorly doctored with MS paint and transphobic and homophobic captions everywhere. I laughed it off mostly and placated myself with the knowledge that if someone was taking the time to do this, I was heading in the right direction.

I thought nothing more of it for a couple of weeks until another moderator of the team sent me a link, this link leads to what is laughably called an “awareness website” – it calls out shady people doing shady things, cheaters, etc, etc. I didn’t even know of its existence until this moment. 

Lo and behold, there was a picture of myself taken straight from my profile, and “biography” of all of my misdeeds (which were completely fabricated), stating I was spreading disease in our local gay community. For the record, other than some handshakes and hugs at our local pride events I have very little contact with the local lbgtq+ community here. They are very closed off outside of pride events, and rightfully so. 

 These websites exist in a pretty grey area, without a court order or DMCA violation they are there to stay – and since the first instance, I have had multiple other websites where the story is the same. I have since locked down my book of faces, left the group and changed my profile picture to something innocuous. In the interim of all this, the moderators have received numerous posts calling for physical violence against me, my family and anyone I associate with or call friend/family. None of these were posted to the group at large, However, I take them very seriously. 

Now, I should point out that up to this point, I did not once mention my sexual orientation in these area’s, I just stated my opinion, educated where I could and moved on. 

To most, I have always been a Het CiS male, and in a Het Passing relationship. 

Since these instances, I have had anxiety bad enough I don’t sleep, my pulse stays elevated and I am constantly looking over my shoulder waiting to defend myself and mine. It has helped me realize something though on top of all of this. 

I never really felt the need to “come out”, love is love, after all, I am still the same man I always was, just more so embracing more parts of myself. However, after a complete stab in the dark by a random troll, I got called out. So I started writing. 

So, this is the story of how an act of hate pushed me to put words to something I wasn’t sure needed them. 

What started as writing about blind hate, is now the story of how I further embraced a more complete view of myself- I am who I am, and that is that I owe no one an explanation.

I want people to be aware, Love should always win. Inside the community, or out, especially with so much blind hate already focused on us. 


I am who I am. 

I am not hiding. 

I will still fight. 

In Leather, 

Jason.

There it is, The Fuckening

So lately I’ve been in a pretty good headspace all around.

For the first time that I can remember I’m at peace with my body image (more often than not), I feel pretty good about where I’m at, and some absolutely amazing humans have really given me a confidence boost in that arena.

I’ve got an amazing nesting partner who loves, encourages, and supports me in everything I do, want to do or try to accomplish.

I have amazing Friends and Family who I love and are there for me.

However, the one thing I am still struggling with is certain areas of assertiveness. Now, don’t get me wrong, in some things I am more capable – My authority transfer for example.

So the real question is why do I still struggle with taking up emotional real estate, or expressing needs, wants and desires to people? I still choose neutral language to express feelings or use self-deprecating humor to deflect.

I pass up opportunities for connection; physical, romantic, platonic simply because I don’t want to “put people out”. Or it’s my anxiety and depression telling me that humans couldn’t possibly share the same thoughts I have about them, about me. Because of this, I know I miss a lot of connections or sabotage them before they start, and this is a problem.

This could be drop talking, but I really don’t think so – I have a lot of work to do in this arena and no idea where to start.

Just a few thoughts.

Jason.

Wicked Family and Gratitude. AKA Wicked 4.

One of our favorite Conferences of the year is always Wicked in the West, We (and most attendees) consider it a big ass family reunion, and this year was no different.

The Theme for this Wicked was gratitude, and honestly I don’t think any one word could have summed up my feelings about the weekend any better.

This weekend I suffered and bled for the things I am grateful for in the blood ritual, I have never done that before. I have so much to be grateful for. Over the 3 years we’ve come to Wicked and shared space with logical family, I have gained so much insight into authenticity, honor, love and self acceptance that it seemed the perfect way to leave a bit of my energy and gratitude with the people in attendance, and to leave a bit of myself close to logical family. Thank you Thista, TattooGoddess and CatMaverick for creating the space and facilitating the Bloodletting that allowed us to do this.

I had scenes with some amazing humans, from Rough body play, to abrasions, to just messing around with someone’s pointy necklace and hook pull marks. Thank you for exchanging your energy with me and feeding my inner sadist. I am grateful for all of you. I am also grateful I posted in the Wicked pick up play thread, That was a big thing for me, and resulted in some connections and energy exchange I hadn’t thought I’d experience, Next time there WILL be Reeses for aftercare. For those of you I ran out of spoons to get back to, I do sincerely apologize – but as I said to some of you – I will take a rain check till the next time we are together, and to one lovely human – I said it once, but I will repeat: “Just the pleasure of your company is enough, but I look forward to our rain check, A LOT”.

One of my favorite parts of Cons are the after hours gatherings, I made some connections I hadn’t counted on, had some conversations I won’t forget, and I was able to connect more with some humans I absolutely adore, but haven’t had the opportunity to either meet, or get substantial time with. Being served a scotch, to conversations and plans around manhandling scenes with a few lovely humans, to watching connections made and laughs shared. I am grateful for the time spent with each and every one of you.

I Danced with hooks. For the second time, I experienced a hook pull. This time I set intent. I pulled against, moved with and shared energy and space with amazing people. I pulled harder than the first time, and I worked through my own version of an endorphin rush. I bled and laughed and pulled against and with my girl. I tried to let go of some things I’ve been struggling with for a long time, and didn’t quite get there. I am grateful though, for the opportunity to try again, those old ghosts in my brain are quieter somehow, and yet louder. Thank you Thista for throwing my hooks, and thank you TattooGoddess for letting my clench my asshole in your general direction ;).

I spent time with my girl, who, as always makes me so proud to have her by my side. We laughed, we learned, and we suffered together. I am grateful for every moment we have cultivating new friendships, weird kinky shit we do together, and finding that connection over and over again. I bled for family, I bled for myself, but Always with the other reasons was her. I would do more than -just- bleed for her, but it is a small way to show my commitment and love for such an amazing woman, who walks my journey with me.

Last but Certainly not least.

Nelson and imp; Over the few short years since a certain fiery little redhead came bounding down the halls of the hotel and full force hugged me, I’ve had the privilege of growing to call you family. My Dear Brother and Sister, Thank you both for your wisdom, your humor, your open and giving hearts, and the Space you provide for family to gather every year. We learn, we laugh, we break bread and we share drink. I am so grateful for your love (even when I have a hard time loving myself), I am grateful for talks well into the wee hours of the morning, and metaphysical beard pulling. What you’ve created is an amazing environment for the Wicked family, and place to make memories together. For that I am eternally grateful. It is one of the first places I felt fully comfortable being who I am.

That was some of Wicked in the West for me this year, There are SO MANY other memories and people I wish I could reference, however a TLDR; would be needed, and that would cheapen the experiences. To every one of you that attended, competed, and added to the experience. Thank you, I am grateful for all of you too.

Regards,

Jason/Syn

Sexual Shame, Kink, and Starting Points.

I was a Virgin until I was 19.

Up to that point I didn’t even really know about masterbation, and the one time I tried I got caught by my mother which ended in a screaming fit from her about being “dirty” or somesuch, I don’t really remember.

My first real time having sex was unremarkable and unmemorable, and to be honest while I remember her(we dated for 2 or 3 years), and flashes of having sex, the first time in particular I don’t.

My third partner however, I won’t ever forget her, She was also my first blowjob sometime around the age of 22. The reason(s) I won’t ever forget her start with trauma and end with it too. The first time I came from oral sex I was unprepared, I didn’t know what to expect, and truthfully I didn’t warn her, because I didn’t know that was a thing. When I came, she immediately popped up and promptly spit my own cum back in my face, and proceeded to yell at me while rinsing with mouthwash, and, as she put it “get the filthy shit out”of her mouth.

That relationship was my “sexual awakening” I spent 5 years with her, and I was domestically abused, raped, and cheated on. Not to mention forced to sleep on my own couch without sex for close to 2 years before I finally managed to convince my family to come get me and bring me 4 hours to my home city.

During those 5 years, I was on my computer a lot when not working, and found Kink through websites like Wasteland, ICQ and Old message boards that have been long closed. The first time she ever caught me watching porn (kinky porn no less) she told each and every one of my friends I was a disgusting pervert who wanted to abuse her but lacked the balls so I had to jack off to disgusting porn instead of fucking her like a real man.

Once I got home, my pattern of picking sexually repressed and abusive partners continued, One couldn’t come from intercourse so used toys, and basically used me to facilitate a threesome between her and our female friend, where I was promptly completely ignored. I had one other partner during that time, and my rape at her hands resulted in the birth of my son, I was used as a sperm donor and shortly after we found out we were pregnant she went back to her Ex-bf who was unable to conceive.

I’m sharing all of this for a reason. It’s not pity, and it’s not for hope of some sort of epiphany – it’s to illustrate that once I was in a healthy, openly communicative and supportive relationship the shame took over, and still influences my life to a degree. I didn’t know how to talk to women (still don’t lol), and I damn sure didn’t know how to talk about the things I wanted to experience.

Sexual shame is a learned behavior, and not something men talk about a lot, nor the root causes. We tie far to much self worth into sexual performance, penis size and forget to just seek out experiences.

We enter this world for a multitude of reasons, Community, Sex, S&M, education, exploration, the list goes on. We always say solid communication and sharing is the key to making a kinky/authority transfer relationship work, but I say why stop there? Why can’t we have those tough conversations with other men and male identifying people? Why can’t we share those snippets of ourselves for information purposes?

In the end we need to start having these conversations so we can start living a sex positive existence, but doing so in a healthy, respectful and informative manner – We might just end up creating a space where BDSM, and alternative sexual expression is celebrated, rather than shunned.

Regards,

Syn

For the Alliance – MMO’s and Kink Compersion.

Ever since I was young I’ve played video games, both competitively and recreationally. It’s just part of my life, who I am, and no small part of my self care.

One of the biggest online games I ever played was World of Warcraft (WoW), it’s a fantastic world with no shortage of things to do, from questing/leveling to Player versus Player, an in game economy, and the really big draw: Raiding.

Now when I started playing, I was coming over from a Player Vs. Player Driven MMO I was incredibly serious about – I was also very good at it. I tackled WoW with the same optimization fervor that I had in my previous game. I spent a whole day researching what Race to pick based on the Class I wanted to play to get the best synergy I could.

I started playing and leveling with a friend, and quickly realized the closer I got to the raiding and “end game” that I was woefully ignorant of mechanics, Gear and other things that set the “serious” players apart from the casuals. So I sought to inform myself, I read a lot, I did a lot of trial and error, and I sought out guilds (groups of players with a common purpose) with a heavy focus on raids and raiding. This is where I found my First guild: Advent Children. I met some of the oldest and longest Friends I ever had there – From Kithus the surly fucker from Boston, to Lecithin the (then) 14 year old girl who was one of the top players in the guild. These people and Samma (my mentor) basically elevated my knowledge, game play and became some of my closest friends. Over the years some left, some came back, and we found new people that shared similar goals.

This might seem an Odd thing to write about in a BDSM context, however, I have to admit as a I progressed in my years as a newbie, to a veteran raid leader, to part of a top 50 world progression guild. I learned a few life lessons too.

The Great part about MMO’s as well as communities is that you have so many people inhabiting the same spaces, however for different reasons. There’s PvP’ers, Raiders, achievement whores, Auctionhouse superstars, The list continues. As a raider I sort of stood apart from the rest of the community, My entire existence online was focused around my Role as a raid leader. Farming materials for raids, reading fight strategies and watching video’s, and showing up for 5 hour raid nights 5 times a week. Because of this I had very little in common with many casual players or other inhabitants of the game world. I rapidly out grew people I started playing with, along with members of other guilds on our server.

The Same can be said for the kink community. I want to explore, I want to do next level shit with others who want to do next level shit. Because of this, there are people I (or we) outgrow, or never connect with. This too, is OK. Social circles change, we progress around a different path, or simply take a different direction from those we were once close with.

Another thing I learned in my time in WoW, is that people will hate your successes, not everyone mind you, but enough. Let them hate – we used to have a saying “Are you paying for my subscription? No? well when you are, you can tell me how to play”. Over the years I was accused of everything from cheating, to running illegal programs, to bribing people to “carry me along” with real world money…. For the most part, your haters know fuckall about you beyond the story they’ve made up in their heads about you. Do you, the people who want to do epic shit with you WILL find you or vice-versa. The ones who choose to pick at you from the shadows or whisper in ears are generally just unhappy, jealous or just plain incapable of compersion of any sort.

In the end We, as members of this bdsm collective, are all here to participate in the amusement park of activities available to all of us. We all share common problems, issues, and interests. However, we don’t all get to be porn-stars, hardcore BDSM “legends”, or Fetlebrities, what we do get to be is anything we desire, why not gravitate towards people who will help you along that path, or at the very least let others who are doing what they want the fuck alone as long as the behavior isn’t damaging.

Politics, Influence peddling, and snide remarks aren’t going to enrich the culture we inhabit, Compersion and focusing on your own growth and journey will. You just might get lucky enough to find a guild, tribe,family that shares your passion for improvement.

Regards,

Syn

Vulnerability: Owning my Shit.

Lately I’ve been talking a lot about Healthy vulnerability and what that means to different people, how we can be vulnerable with others, and boundaries when choosing to be vulnerable.

For myself something I have always struggled with is sexual expression and discussion in how it relates to me and my needs, wants and desires. There is a small voice in the back of my brain that adds shame, anxiety, and forces me to fight more than I should to express myself. We, as humans are sexual beings and in the sex positive spaces and conversations I find myself in, vulnerability in expressing these things are something I -need- to get comfortable with.

My thoughts on why this is necessary are hard to put in words, so this might sound a bit muddled.

Aside from my own needs to communicate (I talk ALOT in case anyone is surprised by this revelation), my nesting partner is someone I not only desire, but want to be vulnerable with – she has, over the years, helped me to become the best version of myself I have ever been. This alone deserves complete transparency, openness and implicit trust. Over the years she has helped me explore my sexuality, kinks, and done so with zero judgement, I detest the term, but for lack of a better one: she has been my safe space.

Sexual Compatibility and Ethical non monogamy is something else on my mind in this regard. Polyamory, and that we are in an open (albeit selective) relationship, opens so many doors that took me a long time to become comfortable enough to address…I understand that all Poly and ethical relationships don’t revolve around sex, but for me, a lot of my connectedness comes from sex, S&M and taking care of the people who I choose to spend time with, however that manifests. My Comfort with these sides of myself is important in pursuing these needs and wants, so that I can find people who will enrich my experiences, and in turn perhaps I can enrich thiers.

In my travels I’ve also done no small amount of self discussion and reflection on my sexual orientation, for years I defaulted to heterosexual. I was really unaware of Pansexuality, gay, and all the other stops along the sexuality spectrum. So I went searching and exploring. I can say with positivity that I am 99.5% straight, however it took a lot of exploring to be sure. I love women, I love their bodies – small, big, thin, muscular, athletic, curvy… Sexually they just do it for me. I should point out, that as un-PC as it sounds, male genitals are the hang up… I just don’t find they do anything for me.

The last part of tying it all together? I need to get more comfortable in asking or communicating what I want, and the narrative I have kept for far too long.

A few months ago I had a pretty heavy talk with a Sister of mine, in front of her partner (a Brother) and my girl. I felt comfortable for the first time in a while to have my little dark corners flooded with a spotlight. It was bad enough she had to grab me by the beard and force me to listen, but I did.

Really a lot of the things I have started exploring and trying to work on boils down to confidence, and cultivating a lack of fear. In the end I have been ruled by old patterns and habits that tell me I’m not attractive enough, or desirable, or not pursue something because I don’t offer as much as the next guy. I short change people and their thoughts by offhandedly dismissing compliments, and anyone that knows me can tell you that someone could say right to my face they find me attractive, and my brain will simply ignore it. I have worked actively in the last few months to change my thoughts, as well as my acceptance of these things, because it’s not fair to me, and not fair to others.

So why did I write this whole rambling mess?

Simply, put – because I need to work on these things, and I understand that without putting a voice to them and making them visible, then I will simply ignore them long term hoping they go away.

Vulnerability isn’t pretty but it does help build trust, both with others and yourself. So here it is, some of the things I need to work on, they have a voice now, they have Substance, and they will be easier to work on because I gave them that push into word rather than thought.

Regards,

Syn



Victim Support and Breaking Social Convention.

We talk a lot about predators and abusive/negative behaviors – how we should address them head on, how to support victims and how to deal with situations like this all the time. I often hear people touting the idea that we need to support victims of abuse, misgendering, racism and speak for those who do not (or cannot) defend themselves.

In Theory these are great ideas and sentiments and in a perfect world this is exactly what would happen too.

What I see more often than not is these people’s traumas and the events that caused them are used as a twisted form of social currency.

Before some people lose their shit, let me explain.

When I was raped many people chose not to believe my story, which, while horrible, isn’t relevant to where I’m going with this. What is Relevant is the people who “wanted” to believe me. I had ONE person who I confided in, they knew the whole truth because they made me feel that my anonymity would be protected, which I sorely needed at that time in my life. Now, when this person tried to warn others that my partner was abusive, a rapist, and frankly a shit human being, I sat and watched as people who were supposedly close to me make EVERY EXCUSE possible to not have to acknowledge that someone they know could possibly be these things.

I have been raped twice and sexually assaulted more times than I care to count, and the same bullshit keeps popping up even 15 to 20 years later. What this all boils down to is “I WANT to believe, but I don’t like the people the supposed victim trusted or associates with so I will instead tear down any form of warning I become aware of rather than swallowing my pride and ASKING.”

People wonder WHY we don’t call out a lot of predators, racists, and serial abusers – it boils down to something simple: fear.

When someone who is privy to information you are not comes forward regarding these despicable things, I am not saying to not think critically and question. I am not saying to blindly believe – that opens up the ability to weaponize being a fake victim. What I AM suggesting is that these people might not come forward themselves for a couple of reasons.

The reason I have seen most lately is that generally victims will find stronger people they trust to confide in. They feel safe that their anonymity will be protected by these trusted friends.

However, when you attack those people for spreading lies, crying wolf or otherwise publicly verbally attack them – how do you think the victim they are protecting feels? Safe to come forward? Safe to share? Safe to publicly denounce the behavior and the person(s) who turned them into victims?

All of this arbitrarily based on political and social disagreements between members of the community we all agree should be made safer.

How do you know they haven’t made a promise to not name the perpetrators? Instead we’ll cry “GOSSIP!” “DRAMA!” and all manner of other bullshit words which (inadvertent or not) creates an environment of victim shaming and fear. So they stay quiet, and the visible ones take the brunt of the vitriol, and the cycle starts again.

I will admit, I am not innocent in this either, I have done the exact thing I JUST wrote about, and didn’t even consider it abnormal, to me, it’s just the way things were. Which considering my own past, was a really shitty way of going about things simply because I wasn’t prepared to examine my own shitty behavior and thought processes.

What I am proposing we ALL consider, is the fact that warnings are just that – warnings, think critically, ask questions. HOWEVER do not fail to think critically or ask questions of people who are socially anathema to you. We don’t always have to be unified, but if people have the best interest of their respective communities at heart, then giving the benefit of the doubt costs nothing, and could potentially lead to victims feeling safer to share their stories at large, and come forward more readily.

Regards,

Syn.

Sex Positivity For Men.

One of the big issues I mentioned in a previous writing regarding toxic masculinity was sex positivity and male body image.

I’ll admit as the urge to write this struck me, I was at a bit of a loss. Traditionally I haven’t talked about sex much, it’s uncomfortable for me. As I have mentioned before I was raised in an environment where you NEVER talked about sex, masterbation, or even what sort of porn I watch. This trend was not just my parents, but the people I grew up around, and dated.

I find even now in kink positive spaces, or other places claiming to be sex positive, Male sexual desires are not spoken of much at all. Sure, you’re liable to read a fetish list, or erotica, or even some “fuckit” list, however the realm of female sex positivity has the lock down on really talking about activities, practices and “how-to’s”.

I’m sure out in more mainstream social media sites you’ve at some point seen the meme or post that goes “Men only want one thing and it’s fucking disgusting”. So my question is this, if you claim to be sex positive, no matter your gender identifier – how often do you call this out as hypocritical bullshit? Or for that matter ANYTHING that shames men as sexual beings? I know plenty of women who State that if a man has a Dick pic as a profile picture on Fetlife not to bother messaging, and then off they go to comment their appreciation about a magnificent cock on someone else’s profile pic. Are we prepared on a whole to call out that behavior?

I feel I have to explain something before I continue. I am not saying that you shouldn’t call out a random dick in your DM’s/inbox or someone pressing sexual fantasy on you out of the blue, however I think on a whole we should encourage discussion of sexual fantasy, positivity and conversation, WHEN IT IS RELEVANT.

So here are a couple of questions for the hive mind I would like to present for discussion or at least reflection.

If you are sex positive, is it all or nothing? Are you only willing to have those conversations about male sex positivity etc, if you find that person physically attractive?

Do you think it’s creepy for men to be direct or upfront about sexual desire and activity, even if it’s something you personally don’t find tickles your pickle?

Do you think there is a double standard in sex positive circles? When women or female presenting individuals discuss explicit sex it’s “hot or sexy to be slutty” but is the reverse true? if the average man discusses those same things, do we encourage discussion or appreciation in the same way?

Finally, How do you think that we, as sex positive humans, can encourage a more balanced view on sex positivity across the gender spectrum? or do we even need to?

Personally I think we have a bit of work to do in normalizing sex positivity across the board for all gender expressions, however I think the most work we have is with Het CiS men like myself, I know the lgbtq2+ communities have their own work to do in this regard, but honestly I am not equipped to speak on those things, nor would I feel comfortable doing so.

Regards,

Syn