Leather – Revisiting my Path.

I’ve been thinking and re-reading my old posts a lot lately, and I have to admit I’ve changed my view on quite a few things, my opinions and thoughts have evolved and therefore I think it’s high time I revisited some of my older posts and shared my updated thoughts.

So what’s first you might ask?

A topic near and dear to my heart: Leather.

In the past, I referred to it as Hetero Leather.

I don’t necessarily make that distinction now, and not because I think recognition of Gay and Lesbian Leather cultures detract and are somehow wrong. Just the opposite, in fact, I think recognition of the longstanding traditions and guiding principles are what will help us grow as Leatherfolk on a whole, and because of that, I’d like to think we’re all in this together, orientations are secondary.

I read SO MUCH trying to understand Leather, and it all led back to gay leathermen, and leatherwomen. I automatically assumed that as an (at the time) straight, CIS man there was no inlet for me into Leather culture. What a bunch of bullshit thinking that was.  Thanks to some amazing people and their wisdom I think much differently now.

I’ve spent the majority of my time since then getting to know Leathermen, Leatherwomen, Boy’s, Girls. and all manner of Leatherfolk. One overriding thing I have learned is that Leather is what you make it. Guided by service, respect, honesty, loyalty, integrity and being an open-minded student of life in general.

Leather isn’t about being gifted Leather to wear (although that’s awesome too.)

Leather isn’t about what genitals you have, or what genitals you like to stick your genitals into (or have stuck in you.)

Leather isn’t about status or personal gain.

Leather isn’t something that fits in a nice neat little box.

So, going forward here – what is Leather as far as I am concerned?

Well here is what I consider to be my Leather path.

At its core Leather has close ties to sex, rough Leathersex, S&M, all manner of deviant shit, which I love, however it’s about being unapologetic about loving these things. It is who we are, it’s about wearing whatever gets you hot, and (within limits) Fucking or playing exactly how you want. I Love Beating ass, bruising the hell out of it and listening to the whimpers when I decide to fuck it. End of story, if I find a partner who likes being on the receiving end, and we go make that happen that’s Leather, you need not apologize or feel guilty for any of it.

It’s about being of service, both to people, and to your community. Give back, be an ear for a friend, tell them they’re being an idiot if they need it, buy them a beer, or a place to crash if shit has gone south, teach someone a skill. Give your time to your community, Support local groups, go to fundraising events, offer some time to volunteer. Be of use – Master, slave, it doesn’t matter: The highest form of humbleness comes from being of service to someone or something worthy of your effort.

Respect everyone who deserves respect. From the most wealthy CEO to the bartender keeping you in good booze – We all end up in the same sized box. The true measure of a Leatherperson  is how you treat those who can do absolutely nothing for you. It can be as simple as a please and thank you to the kid at the front counter at McDonald’s, it’s the same please and thank you would give to the guy signing your cheques.

Be honest. Not only with the people you meet, be honest with yourself. Be honest about your strengths, your weaknesses. Be honest about every little part of yourself about who you are, who you want to be, and whether you are living a life that is authentically your own.

Be loyal to the people that deserve loyalty. I have Dot, our Leather family, and another house we are part of who have my implicit loyalty. All they have to do is ask, and if something is in my power it’s theirs. I would defend them to the ends of the earth because I trust they would do the same for me.

Integrity. This one is rather hard to quantify, integrity is different for everyone. Because I believe myself to be a person of integrity – I will do my utmost to conduct myself living as close to my morals, beliefs, and honor as a man of my word, because to me that is integrity.

I will never stop learning, never stop growing, stagnation is a slow death by doing nothing, Always better yourself, and move forward.

That is My Leather path.

In the end, it’s not about clothes or any one sexual orientation.

It’s about being unapologetically you, having a guiding set of principles, and living the fuck out of them every day.

So, here I am two and a half years later.

I have grown.

I have lived authentically.

I have evolved.

I have much still to learn and work on.

I have a Leather Path.

I hope you find yours if you are looking.

In Leather,

 

Syn.

A Low Day, and Some insight.

Well, thus far the week has Been quiet, and quite the learning curve.

With the Bells Palsy, even eating is a bit of a chore, and I find myself having to be extra careful at work – no one wants to have a sales associate that has ceasar dressing in his beard…. Rum maybe, but I’d need to wear the eye patch to make that legit. I’ve Resorted to working in sunglasses to give my good eye a rest, and limit the amount of questions that take up time during the day regarding how/what/where and why about my Bells Palsy.

I will admit, today I had a bad day – and while I kept laughing and joking my self esteem took a dive – I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror in the washroom, and then walked out to help a customer – which I might add was a gorgeous girl that I have talked with an “safe-flirted” with in the past (all part of the Job). Today, there was none of that, she noticed, asked and when I told her her whole demeanor changed to one of pity.

It’s not the first time something like this has effected me – many girls over the years have dismissed me – and I know there is only ONE that matters, but still, this one hurt a little bit, and my newly found fuckitall zen crumbled a little bit.

Perhaps its vanity, or something else – but my other thought was how does this translate to my Lifestyle ? Our quest for our unicorn ? I’m not the most attractive man out there, although my little fae Disagree’s and I love her for it. I’m more of the kinda guy that needs to talk to someone for a while – thats my ace in the hole: my Mind.

“I’ve never gotten laid because of the way I look, in my life. I know that. I’ve never gained from my looks at all. It’s not like, “Oh they’re going, what am I gonna do now?” I’ve never gained any advantage in life – I’ve never been laid because of the way I look. I’ve never been a guy who can just walk in a room and women go, “Ohhhhhoooo!”… I’m not that guy. I’m the guy that women see and they go, “Ehhh?” and I’m like, “No I know but just let me talk to you for a minute.” – Louis CK.

Just a little snippet of how I felt today, on top of missing My little fae like crazy – it has been a hard week for us both, and I am torn between wanting to be there for her, and wanting her near for my own peace of mind.

 

Regards,

 

Syn

 

 

 

A Pirate’s Life for me ?

This has been one of those weeks I’d rather Put behind me, but it’s going to be in the forefront of my mind for the foreseeable Future.

lately I have been working an obscene amount of hours, 95 in the last two weeks, and would have been more, except for Friday night’s events.

Thursday, I felt as though I was getting an ear infection, so I went off to the walk-in clinic, got diagnosed, and started my medication.

Friday started normally – up, message my little fae, walk to work. On the walk my tongue started to tingle and go numb. I didn’t honestly notice it and thought it was just a mild reaction to the Penicillin.

The day continued on, and during a business meeting later on in the evening I had lost almost all the feeling in the left side of my face. I was not overly worried about it being a stroke as I still had grip strength in my hands, and my body temperature was about normal. Regardless, after our meeting around midnight, I asked my co-worker (or as we call her the work wife) to take me to the hospital, En-route I called my little fae who was at work and told her what was going on.

I registered at the front desk in Emergency and settled in.

Dot left work and was there in less than a half hour. in the intervening time, I had a Grip strength check, and 3 vials of blood drawn. I know there were trying to rule out a stroke. So after 3 or 4 hours I finally got to see the doc, and was officially Diagnosed with Bell’s Palsy. Needless to say I, and my little fae were very relieved.

So, thus far, I have gone 3 days with the symptoms, and I must say, it’s more of a piss off than anything… I have no depth perception, and have to drink my coffee through a straw, HOWEVER the endless supply of Pirate, Two-face (from batman) and Jim Ross related jokes are awesome.

So I have learned a few valuable lessons within my first few days.

1. Swish and Spit for brushing teeth, is best done in the shower.

2. Knife and fork to eat everything, and have a napkin handy.

3. If your Slave is always on the side you develop Bell’s Palsy on, she essentially becomes your peripheral vision, and can and will point out people you -should- say hi to when they enter a room.

4. Stairs require depth perception, it’s ok to laugh when you miss one, and your slave needs to Go up them first.

5. Vaping is easy, blowing rings is impossible.

6. taping your eye shut in the mornings can be frustrating – having your other half do it, removes some of this.

7. a sense of humor goes a long way.

8. the patience others show you, in not looking away or staring, tells you a lot about them.

9. My little fae, is amazingly kind, patient and again has proven just how incredible she is… ❤

 

Regards,

 

 

Syn

Had a Ball, and it Didn’t Deflate.

 

The weekend is over, and I must say although I am exhausted , I am also very content – and in a much better headspace about some things.

Saturday was The Ball in the neighboring city, so after work off we went .  We got there later, so we ended up dressing quickly and going with our Family to the Bar where the event is hosted.

It was fantastic to see everyone, and be greeted warmly by people. I am not, by nature a hugger, but I find it easy to accept and give hugs with all of these friends.

I must admit I am more at peace with my earlier issues regarding looking for a third, and am slowly finding my Fuckitall Zen. (this is relevant to the rest of what is about to follow).

When someone joins our local community (as more than a creeper) it’s a pretty big deal, and recently a woman joined/posted in our local group – being a curious pair, my little fae and I checked out her profile, and we were beyond impressed Cute (from her grainy picture) and intelligent/articulate. So needless to say we were looking forward to meeting her at the munch on the 24th.

Imagine our surprise, when after saying some requisite hello’s and hugs all around for some, we stepped into the main area of the Ball, and from across the room – there she was, 6 foot plus, in a corset, garters, panties and high heels (with pigtails). I think we were both struck almost speechless.

We did get a chance to meet her, and I was pretty proud of myself, I didn’t stammer at all, and even managed to get a laugh or two out of her. After my little fae and I said our goodbye’s and continued on to our table and visited with the MaST organizers, who also happen to be our family, and the other two a pair we consider good friends. The second pair is a Lesbian couple – Master and slave and very very much like us in the way we are…. this was the first real event we had seen them at outside of MaST, and a dinner they invited us to at their home.  I loved being able to visit and laugh with all of them.

During this event, there are kink vendors galore, and from another contact of ours we purchased a Plug and Tail for my little fae, as well as a Brand new 20″ oiled leather Flogger, Along with a new leopard print collar for my little fae.

After a Post Ball trip to a restaurant for a late night snack, it was back to the house to sleep.

The next morning I had a chat with Randilin and Tamile, I was curious about their thoughts on my  recent Needle play experience, and resulting battle with my brain, along with some thoughts on how that related to my little fae and I searching for our third.

My talk with them was also a form of personal growth for me. Even a year ago, my little fae, and these pages would have been the only place I would have voiced my problems, and I cannot thank those two for their insight, and compassion – they did largely reinforce many things I had already come to terms with, but also sent me home with some reading material and a bit more to think about. Truth be told, I will likely be better moving forward than I would have been without the conversation.

I will have more on this I am sure, but for now, Just a recap.

I am looking forward to the munch, and enjoying the ride to come…. I know I’ll be fighting my head for a while to come, but at least now I know where to start.

 

Regards,

 

Syn

Where Syn Starts Getting His Shit In Order.

Last Night I wrote further about my Needle Play Experience, and a few things i had mulled ovver in my head as a result, and unfortunately wordpress ate it. This did however get me thinking more, and so I started re-writing when I got home from work, as I had more time to think.

I’ve come to realize that I thoroughly enjoyed myself topping someone that wasn’t Dot. After some conversation with her, and yet more processing, I also realize that there is no reason for me to feel guilty about doing so – as long as the bottom in question has respectfully asked Dot for permission to play with me/asked me and I tell her (part of our negotiated verbal contract), then I should just enjoy myself. it’s incredibly hard for me to just let go of a lifetime of stigma and being up tight regarding anything vaguely erotic or “abnormal”.  Dot assures me that she Loved watching me “at work” and sat visiting with Lola while doing so.

Which brings me to the next point and a hard one for me to admit.

I’m marginally jealous of Dot at these events.

Whether she see’s (or admits) it, or not she garners A LOT of attention at these events. quite often I feel as though I am nothing but an afterthought to some. She doesn’t see it, but she is strikingly beautiful, and even though she is my Slave, she can dominate a room just on her presence alone when she enters it. Couple this with my lack of ability to overcome some pretty deep seeded self esteem issues, and I do on occasion feel left out when it comes to women who have made it no secret that they want to play with her. We also talked about this at length – and at the root of it, is my self esteem issues, I have to learn to not give a fuck.

They say it takes 21 days of repetition to build or break a habit, I am more than willing to put in the work to break this issue I have… I just don’t know where to start or how. I am proud of myself though, I’m MUCH better than I was even 5 years ago.

It’s frustrating for me to be so sure of myself in some aspects, and so fucking weak or unsure in others. I don’t even know how to put words to it to be honest, I have sat here from the last paragraph to this one thinking for a good 15 minutes on it, and still the words won’t come.

She assures me that I am very very good at starting conversations, and she can handle the flirting, but to be honest, I need to learn to do a bit of that myself – which brings us back to finding my center of “not giving a fuck zen”.

Perhaps I need to stop trying to analyze and just do, rather than over thinking – it’s not Astrophysics.

Right?

Goddamn it.

Regards,

 

Syn