Where Syn Starts Getting His Shit In Order.

Last Night I wrote further about my Needle Play Experience, and a few things i had mulled ovver in my head as a result, and unfortunately wordpress ate it. This did however get me thinking more, and so I started re-writing when I got home from work, as I had more time to think.

I’ve come to realize that I thoroughly enjoyed myself topping someone that wasn’t Dot. After some conversation with her, and yet more processing, I also realize that there is no reason for me to feel guilty about doing so – as long as the bottom in question has respectfully asked Dot for permission to play with me/asked me and I tell her (part of our negotiated verbal contract), then I should just enjoy myself. it’s incredibly hard for me to just let go of a lifetime of stigma and being up tight regarding anything vaguely erotic or “abnormal”.  Dot assures me that she Loved watching me “at work” and sat visiting with Lola while doing so.

Which brings me to the next point and a hard one for me to admit.

I’m marginally jealous of Dot at these events.

Whether she see’s (or admits) it, or not she garners A LOT of attention at these events. quite often I feel as though I am nothing but an afterthought to some. She doesn’t see it, but she is strikingly beautiful, and even though she is my Slave, she can dominate a room just on her presence alone when she enters it. Couple this with my lack of ability to overcome some pretty deep seeded self esteem issues, and I do on occasion feel left out when it comes to women who have made it no secret that they want to play with her. We also talked about this at length – and at the root of it, is my self esteem issues, I have to learn to not give a fuck.

They say it takes 21 days of repetition to build or break a habit, I am more than willing to put in the work to break this issue I have… I just don’t know where to start or how. I am proud of myself though, I’m MUCH better than I was even 5 years ago.

It’s frustrating for me to be so sure of myself in some aspects, and so fucking weak or unsure in others. I don’t even know how to put words to it to be honest, I have sat here from the last paragraph to this one thinking for a good 15 minutes on it, and still the words won’t come.

She assures me that I am very very good at starting conversations, and she can handle the flirting, but to be honest, I need to learn to do a bit of that myself – which brings us back to finding my center of “not giving a fuck zen”.

Perhaps I need to stop trying to analyze and just do, rather than over thinking – it’s not Astrophysics.

Right?

Goddamn it.

Regards,

 

Syn

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Yet More Firsts – Needles and Raven Haired bottoms.

it’s been a long ass time since I’ve updated – and many things have happened….

 

On a Vanilla Front – we’re back to just two of us at work, and because of this I’m in the midst of 13 days straight (I don’t count the sundays the store is closed). It’s almost relaxing however, as a very toxic person is no longer there, I’d rather work for the next month till we hire and train someone with just us, than have to worry about this person working one more shift with me. That said – the lack of time with my little fae STILL bothers me greatly.

On a kink front, we just returned from an invite-only play party hosted by our family in the other city. I had the honor of teaching a pair of close Friends some Needle play basics, and experienced another first for me as well – I topped someone who was not my little fae. I have never actually done that, nor played with anyone but Dot, and truth be told I was nervous. It was an interesting experience to say the least, as I had met her during the Public play party the month before, and both Dot and I find her absolutely gorgeous. She stopped with only 3 needles in, however I was marginally glad, trying to make sure my bottom was OK, along with checking on my “pupils” and having to deal with my bottoms boyfriend(?) just over my shoulder the whole time, I was exhausted.

You have to understand, playing with someone for me can be as intimate as sex, and there was a small voice in the back of my head that was screaming at me, that this wasn’t right to do, nevermind with my little fae sitting less than 15 feet away. I did have fun though – and the next day I continued the Trend with my little fae, having a fairly hard scene the next night, when we got home.

 

Just a quick update, but more to come later this week, I promise.

 

Regards,

 

Syn

 

Of Vampires, Work and MaST

I’m Tired.

It has been a long week full of emotional vampires at work, but I am lucky enough to have amazing regulars that make the nights go by much faster.

I work in a vape shop, and at 35 I am (when the 20 year old college student is done) youngest member of the staff by at least 10 years. Now, my little fae is 8 years older than me, however she is young at heart, and not stuffy or (overly) stubborn. To me Vaping is a passion something that I carry with me into every sale, from a person just getting their start to get off cigarettes,  to the Builders that come in and cloud chase.

My co-workers aren’t as excited about this – Nor knowledgeable, and it wears on me to constantly be asking questions related to the Technical side of our product. My Regulars make it much more bearable to keep my energy up, because we are ALL excited about vaping, building and everything vape related. the alst 2 hours of my shift were spent talking vaping with 5 or 6 regulars that came in and Cloud chasing with them, the front of the store was fogged out and smelled of all manner of deliciousness.

So now I am off until Monday with a trip into the City to attend MAsT, which I am excited for, as it means time with my little fae. Related to that – W/we have been asked to present next month on Living 24/7, I am both excited to share my thoughts and terrified, and also perplexed a bit on having to do so. My little fae has MANY years in this lifestyle, and is a wealth of knowledge – I do have a wealth of knowledge, however there is a small part of me that wonders if I am “good” enough to stand in front of some who have almost double (if not triple) my years in the lifestyle.

Just a Quick “how’s it going” From me, my Brain is Mush, so off to call My little fae after -her- emotional vampire leaves, make some food and vape/relax a bit.

Rest well and Regards,

 

Syn

 

My Little Fae.

This is the first lifestyle related post on this subject, and one I never really thought about writing until my little fae mentioned it the other day, I have to admit it had never even crossed my mind to write (again) on why I call my slave My Little Fae. It has been a part of our lives for almost as far back as we have been a couple, and the meaning has evolved with our relationship over time.

 

As I mentioned in my origin post our journey exploded out of the gate, and in retrospect I knew it was going to be a different experience than anything I had ever had in my life. She was the anti-thesis of everything that had come before. Kind, patient, and caring, she saw something in me that at that point I didn’t even see in myself, Dominance.

I don’t remember exactly when I started calling her by that name, but I do remember why. Despite what history, folklore and some current sources would have us believe, I see the Fae-folk as something that embodies a magic and light that is hidden or rare in all of us.

When our (then vanilla) relationship began I found myself awed at the immediate strength of it, she was caring, responsive and would communicate with me… All things I had no frame of reference for in a relationship, at the risk of over romanticizing – She was showing me a whole new world I never thought existed.

As we Progressed in our relationship and the organic TPE evolved “my little fae” has taken on a whole additional meaning – As my slave she constantly finds ways to open my mind, show me new things, and by guiding her, learning more about this new world I have been introduced to.

I have taken more than a few days to write this. I started Monday, and it is now Thursday… I keep thinking that by coming back to it, I can add or explain something. Truth be told I can’t – it’s so hard to put in words exactly what my little fae means to me as her Master, friend and lover, hopefully this small explanation at least sheds some light on it. For now I will simply let our journey together speak for itself, and how I view her.

I may not be a “traditional” Master, but thanks to my little fae, I am one that is never alone, and will always have my best friend with me.

 

Regards,

 

Syn