Sadly my computer has met with an untimely death, so for a while I have to go back to vlogging…
I’ve been thinking and re-reading my old posts a lot lately, and I have to admit I’ve changed my view on quite a few things, my opinions and thoughts have evolved and therefore I think it’s high time I revisited some of my older posts and shared my updated thoughts.
So what’s first you might ask?
A topic near and dear to my heart: Leather.
In the past, I referred to it as Hetero Leather.
I don’t necessarily make that distinction now, and not because I think recognition of Gay and Lesbian Leather cultures detract and are somehow wrong. Just the opposite, in fact, I think recognition of the longstanding traditions and guiding principles are what will help us grow as Leatherfolk on a whole, and because of that, I’d like to think we’re all in this together, orientations are secondary.
I read SO MUCH trying to understand Leather, and it all led back to gay leathermen, and leatherwomen. I automatically assumed that as an (at the time) straight, CIS man there was no inlet for me into Leather culture. What a bunch of bullshit thinking that was. Thanks to some amazing people and their wisdom I think much differently now.
I’ve spent the majority of my time since then getting to know Leathermen, Leatherwomen, Boy’s, Girls. and all manner of Leatherfolk. One overriding thing I have learned is that Leather is what you make it. Guided by service, respect, honesty, loyalty, integrity and being an open-minded student of life in general.
Leather isn’t about being gifted Leather to wear (although that’s awesome too.)
Leather isn’t about what genitals you have, or what genitals you like to stick your genitals into (or have stuck in you.)
Leather isn’t about status or personal gain.
Leather isn’t something that fits in a nice neat little box.
So, going forward here – what is Leather as far as I am concerned?
Well here is what I consider to be my Leather path.
At its core Leather has close ties to sex, rough Leathersex, S&M, all manner of deviant shit, which I love, however it’s about being unapologetic about loving these things. It is who we are, it’s about wearing whatever gets you hot, and (within limits) Fucking or playing exactly how you want. I Love Beating ass, bruising the hell out of it and listening to the whimpers when I decide to fuck it. End of story, if I find a partner who likes being on the receiving end, and we go make that happen that’s Leather, you need not apologize or feel guilty for any of it.
It’s about being of service, both to people, and to your community. Give back, be an ear for a friend, tell them they’re being an idiot if they need it, buy them a beer, or a place to crash if shit has gone south, teach someone a skill. Give your time to your community, Support local groups, go to fundraising events, offer some time to volunteer. Be of use – Master, slave, it doesn’t matter: The highest form of humbleness comes from being of service to someone or something worthy of your effort.
Respect everyone who deserves respect. From the most wealthy CEO to the bartender keeping you in good booze – We all end up in the same sized box. The true measure of a Leatherperson is how you treat those who can do absolutely nothing for you. It can be as simple as a please and thank you to the kid at the front counter at McDonald’s, it’s the same please and thank you would give to the guy signing your cheques.
Be honest. Not only with the people you meet, be honest with yourself. Be honest about your strengths, your weaknesses. Be honest about every little part of yourself about who you are, who you want to be, and whether you are living a life that is authentically your own.
Be loyal to the people that deserve loyalty. I have Dot, our Leather family, and another house we are part of who have my implicit loyalty. All they have to do is ask, and if something is in my power it’s theirs. I would defend them to the ends of the earth because I trust they would do the same for me.
Integrity. This one is rather hard to quantify, integrity is different for everyone. Because I believe myself to be a person of integrity – I will do my utmost to conduct myself living as close to my morals, beliefs, and honor as a man of my word, because to me that is integrity.
I will never stop learning, never stop growing, stagnation is a slow death by doing nothing, Always better yourself, and move forward.
That is My Leather path.
In the end, it’s not about clothes or any one sexual orientation.
It’s about being unapologetically you, having a guiding set of principles, and living the fuck out of them every day.
So, here I am two and a half years later.
I have grown.
I have lived authentically.
I have evolved.
I have much still to learn and work on.
I have a Leather Path.
I hope you find yours if you are looking.
A quick change in format, that I will continue to Post here on WP as well – A VLOG about what I’ve been up to, and some thoughts on someone new in our Circle of Friends:
Let me know if you prefer the New Format… 🙂
It’s probably going to be difficult at best to explain my extended absence from these pages – however I think I will simply write, and perhaps by the end, my reasons will become clear… I have missed writing, but had no clue how to say what I wanted or at certain points even what to say.
The past few months have been filled with both highs and lows, but I think since the High moments speak for themselves I will start with those.
The largest event of the past while is most definitely the news of my little fae and I getting our first house together. We took posesion at the start of last month and are as of now almost 100% moved in. combining two houses worth of stuff is time consuming and a cluster-fuck to say the least, but I am beyond happy to have her with me ALL of the time now. She keeps asking if I’m happy and I don’t know if I can properly convey just how fucking over the moon I am to have her with me all the time. That said – I should also point out that on top of combining houses, we’ve also introduced all of our cats, totaling 5 4 legged asshole feline overlords in the house now…. more on that as it develops (lol).
We also recently said goodbye to “The Ball” an event we attended in a neighboring city bi-monthly, it was a pansexual fetish event held in a bar and Canada’s longest running one at that. The Hotel/Bar where it was hosted was sold, and the organizers decided to hang it up rather than look for a new venue as they believe they accomplished what they set out to do when it was first started 20 years ago (and I can’t say I disagree with their logic). The reason I consider this a high point, is simply because the event itself was amazing – time with some friends we rarely see, and just a general sense of togetherness throughout everyone in attendance – even a contingent of local Leathermen showed up – which was amazing to see, since i indentify very closely with leather Ideals. I’ll be sad to See the Ball go, but at the same time we still have MaST, and the possibility of a new event Stepping up to take its place.
So, on to “the” low.
Those of you that have read my last few entries may have noticed I have avoided mentioning my Hellcat.
That is because we haven’t been dating her for going on a month and a bit now.
I’ve made peace with it, I really have. I needed the time to process before i could write about it and truly make sure that was the case though.
So what happened ?
I’ll spare the direct details, but give you some of the highlights/Problems as I see it now (hindsight is always 20/20 – or so they tell me).
I’ll start with me.
I made a few assumptions (which based on the info I had at the time seemed reasonable) which ended up being problematic. Because of this I’ve learned that even if someone says “organically grown” TPE is what they desire – I need to make it a point to establish and negotiate expectations for the relationship, what they want, what I want, how we’re going to get there, and limits off the get go. I did not do this, and it bit me in the ass.
I also learned that I can handle rejection fairly well….
In the end, the Hellcat and I had a lengthy discussion regarding the end of the relationship and what went wrong, however I was given one piece of information that floored me – Apparently according to her, our part of the dynamic had “problems” from day 1. I was COMPLETELY unaware of this, as there was very little communication of any issues on her end towards me.
So after she was “done” with me – she wished to talk to My little fae (no doubt to try and explain her lack of contact to either of us for almost 2 weeks, basically since we moved her from her shared apartment to her solo one).
I know most of the details of this – but only one snippet is pertinent here: My little fae had to break up with -her- there was no intention of doing so on the hellcats part.
I’ll admit I was hurt pretty badly by it all, if you were paying attention to previous writings, my biggest poly triad fear was that the female partner we found would prefer my little fae – and that was indeed the case. Looking back on it, I just wish I had known sooner before I invested both my time and money into the hellcat to help start her on (what I considered) the proper path. I felt (and feel) well and goodly used.
I am proud of myself though – I handled it very well compared to previous break-ups so we’ll call that personal growth – the hellcat and I are still civil, and will occasional crack a joke at one another when we see each other at events. My little fae is still on her radar I think – but I know that there is nothing there on my little fae’s part. so we will see.
All in all it’s been a bastard of a few months – BUT I can tell you that My little fae and I intend to move forward in the poly arena together – I think I’ve proven that with a bit of work and some more careful consideration I CAN make poly work. The time I did have with both of them was amazing, and it made me happy, as well as my little fae – we just hope going forward we can find something more permanent.
Good to see you all, I WILL post more, I promise.