A Low Day, and Some insight.

Well, thus far the week has Been quiet, and quite the learning curve.

With the Bells Palsy, even eating is a bit of a chore, and I find myself having to be extra careful at work – no one wants to have a sales associate that has ceasar dressing in his beard…. Rum maybe, but I’d need to wear the eye patch to make that legit. I’ve Resorted to working in sunglasses to give my good eye a rest, and limit the amount of questions that take up time during the day regarding how/what/where and why about my Bells Palsy.

I will admit, today I had a bad day – and while I kept laughing and joking my self esteem took a dive – I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror in the washroom, and then walked out to help a customer – which I might add was a gorgeous girl that I have talked with an “safe-flirted” with in the past (all part of the Job). Today, there was none of that, she noticed, asked and when I told her her whole demeanor changed to one of pity.

It’s not the first time something like this has effected me – many girls over the years have dismissed me – and I know there is only ONE that matters, but still, this one hurt a little bit, and my newly found fuckitall zen crumbled a little bit.

Perhaps its vanity, or something else – but my other thought was how does this translate to my Lifestyle ? Our quest for our unicorn ? I’m not the most attractive man out there, although my little fae Disagree’s and I love her for it. I’m more of the kinda guy that needs to talk to someone for a while – thats my ace in the hole: my Mind.

“I’ve never gotten laid because of the way I look, in my life. I know that. I’ve never gained from my looks at all. It’s not like, “Oh they’re going, what am I gonna do now?” I’ve never gained any advantage in life – I’ve never been laid because of the way I look. I’ve never been a guy who can just walk in a room and women go, “Ohhhhhoooo!”… I’m not that guy. I’m the guy that women see and they go, “Ehhh?” and I’m like, “No I know but just let me talk to you for a minute.” – Louis CK.

Just a little snippet of how I felt today, on top of missing My little fae like crazy – it has been a hard week for us both, and I am torn between wanting to be there for her, and wanting her near for my own peace of mind.









A Pirate’s Life for me ?

This has been one of those weeks I’d rather Put behind me, but it’s going to be in the forefront of my mind for the foreseeable Future.

lately I have been working an obscene amount of hours, 95 in the last two weeks, and would have been more, except for Friday night’s events.

Thursday, I felt as though I was getting an ear infection, so I went off to the walk-in clinic, got diagnosed, and started my medication.

Friday started normally – up, message my little fae, walk to work. On the walk my tongue started to tingle and go numb. I didn’t honestly notice it and thought it was just a mild reaction to the Penicillin.

The day continued on, and during a business meeting later on in the evening I had lost almost all the feeling in the left side of my face. I was not overly worried about it being a stroke as I still had grip strength in my hands, and my body temperature was about normal. Regardless, after our meeting around midnight, I asked my co-worker (or as we call her the work wife) to take me to the hospital, En-route I called my little fae who was at work and told her what was going on.

I registered at the front desk in Emergency and settled in.

Dot left work and was there in less than a half hour. in the intervening time, I had a Grip strength check, and 3 vials of blood drawn. I know there were trying to rule out a stroke. So after 3 or 4 hours I finally got to see the doc, and was officially Diagnosed with Bell’s Palsy. Needless to say I, and my little fae were very relieved.

So, thus far, I have gone 3 days with the symptoms, and I must say, it’s more of a piss off than anything… I have no depth perception, and have to drink my coffee through a straw, HOWEVER the endless supply of Pirate, Two-face (from batman) and Jim Ross related jokes are awesome.

So I have learned a few valuable lessons within my first few days.

1. Swish and Spit for brushing teeth, is best done in the shower.

2. Knife and fork to eat everything, and have a napkin handy.

3. If your Slave is always on the side you develop Bell’s Palsy on, she essentially becomes your peripheral vision, and can and will point out people you -should- say hi to when they enter a room.

4. Stairs require depth perception, it’s ok to laugh when you miss one, and your slave needs to Go up them first.

5. Vaping is easy, blowing rings is impossible.

6. taping your eye shut in the mornings can be frustrating – having your other half do it, removes some of this.

7. a sense of humor goes a long way.

8. the patience others show you, in not looking away or staring, tells you a lot about them.

9. My little fae, is amazingly kind, patient and again has proven just how incredible she is… ❤






Clothes Make the Dom…Assuming you can find them.

So, My little fae and I have decided that we’re going to “The Ball”, this is an event held in a larger city 2 hours away from us every 2 months. It’s a lifestyle get together, by their own description it is a large ” fetish cultural event” basically a way for us all to get together and discuss all things kink.


I’m looking forward to going, and I know my little fae is in a way as well….However this event has brought to light a small issue I didn’t even know I had that has carried over from vanilla life.


What the hell am I going to wear and why the hell is it so hard to find men’s clothing ?

The Ball has a strictly enforced fetish dress code….you can go dressed in vanilla clothing but the price for entry would double (A voyeur fee as the call it), I have no problem with this as I want to be able to express my kinks, likes and dislikes through clothing choice. Now Dom’s can and largely do get away with wearing a suit… pretty standard “dom wear”…. for me this is difficult to accept, ANYONE can wear a suit, it’s finding a well tailored one for less than 500$ a pop that’s a problem. I don’t have a 500$ tailored suit. So that’s out for me. The next and likely choice for me would be a Kilt, and I found a nice PVC one for about 60$ U.S. I like kilts, never owned one, but they are most certainly a fetish….My Little Fae goes moist over them, and loves the Idea of me in one. I’m ok with this, but I am not sure for me….I’m different than most in my Dom identity I think, and would like to be able to portray that with my Fetish clothing choice.

Dot Recently Ordered an absolutely gorgeous corset/skirt combo for about 30 bucks online, it’s going to look stunning with her collar, leash and ankle and wrist cuffs. I want something just as spectacular, I want to find something unique to ME, so I started looking online. Finding Male Dom Oriented Fetish wear that won’t force you to mortgage your house, sell a kidney, or donate sperm is hard. Blue Jean cut faux leather pants 150 to 200$, faux leather vest, and button down shirts 100$, Black boots (with thick sole) 95$ and up. Add international shipping onto that and you have a pretty hefty bill.

On top of that, actually FINDING the stuff is difficult at best, I’ve found a few stores online but searching for Gothic clothing, but narrowing it down to something I’d actually wear  further complicates things. I found some excellent stores in Germany and the UK, but again, international shipping and prices aren’t realistic, and quite a few of those stores specialize in leather family gear, and the like.

I suppose I have some time to search more for what I’d like, it’s just frustrating. So I’ll continue looking, I have a kilt/shirt ensemble picked out, but that is standard fare for A lot of men at the ball, it would be nice if I could find something semi unique to my style, that would do justice to the gorgeous woman I will have on my arm/end of my leash.

Just kinda needed to vent, BUT if anyone has any store/website recommendations please, share in the comments, or even to tell me I worry too much 😉





Nothing to see here…..

I’ve come to accept a few things in life, The sky is blue, water is wet and my mother is nosy enough that with out fail, she’s going to find our toys.

I have no problem admitting and discussing the fact that I’m kinky to anyone, who I am is no reason to be ashamed. I do however, do my best to keep it from my mother, mostly because explaining BDSM and mine and Dot’s relationship would be near impossible. At 67 years of age, she comes from another era, So to save time and numerous headaches we do our best to keep that private from her.

So, once a week or two, mom comes over and we go shopping so I can help her get some heavier stuff and basically be manual labor. EVERY time she visits she comes in to give my house a “once over”, visit the cat, and clean over top of things i have already done, It makes her happy so I tolerate it with as much good grace as I can.

The first time mom spotted something BDSM related, it was a Biggie, We have an under the bed restraint system, that I usually tuck under the matress, but this time I missed a strap. Mom spotted it and Immediately asked “whats that” ? well fuck. I replied on the Fly with “it’s for Dot’s back, when she spends the night, it helps her stretch out just by pulling the one Cord to tighten it and release muscle tension.” Not exactly the greatest explanation, but it satisfied her…Crisis averted.

The next time, I completely forgot the 7 inch long Silicone anal plug on the side of the tub from when I washed it. Again, the inevitable “whats that?” Question, and again thinking quick “it’s a bath bomb mom – Don’t get it wet or it’ll be a hell of a mess on the Floor, Dot has baths here and it helps her relax.” Again Crisis averted….

Thats the Give and take with mom….I hide toys up on the top shelf of my Closet, because she’s 5’2 on a good day and won’t ever find ’em up there, I’m also sure mom thinks that Dot and I, by now are professional movie reviewers with the amount we’re watching when she calls.

I’m sure even the most liberal of us all have people that we go out of our way to explain BDSM type things to others as mundanely as possible. With my mom, it’s never boring, keeps me on my toes and helps me with attention to detail. if I keep it up, I might even get to bullshit better than Ferris Bueller.


At the very least, Dot and I are always laughing when I relate one of these stories, with my Mom, we’re never bored. lol