Trust is an odd thing, it takes a long time to build, but can be achieved in small measures with a leap of faith. Some believe Trust is earned, and others still that trust should be given freely until it is time to distrust that person.
In the context of Power exchange and Dominance and submission, (as well as for my purposes speaking from the left side of the slash) I am going to talk about a leap of faith.
**Please intersperse the respective power exchange identifiers with whatever you wish dynamic/gender (or non-gender) wise – for the sake of this writing I will be using Master/slave in a male Master/female slave combination.
In a TPE there are two choices – Either the slave trusts her Master to work for her best interests or she does not. This is not to say she can’t question if the need for clarification is strong, I encourage questions, because everything I do concerning those in my care has a very good reason. If the word of the Master has been agreed upon as final, then arguing further after a definitive statement is Insolent and cause for either discipline, or if grievous enough termination of the relationship.
Now, at the beginning of any TPE, a Master should assume a learning curve and be somewhat lenient. A little more so if the slave is new or inexperienced.
The onus here is on the slave to trust her Master implicitly in that what he does or orders is with her best interests at heart. If the slave wishes to earn some autonomy to make her own choices then showing good judgment in caring for her Masters property (herself and his other belongings) is the best way to do it. Many Masters wish to micromanage to a level of minutia, however many still do not wish to be burdened with choosing two outfits, two meals, or a haircut for he and his slave. I for one, don’t know a goddamn thing about female fashion – So I let my slave dress herself for the most part unless there is a particular outfit I want to see her in. However she EARNED that right through smart and adult choices and measured reactions to situations.
Now the other side of the coin – If mentally the trust is there, then it should extend to all things, including the physicality of S&M play.
Some would argue this is mental as well, and I would agree wholeheartedly – however the slave must trust the Master to know when enough is enough – generally endorphin rush and subspace (slave space) can lead to the slave disregarding her physical limitations and end up taking more pain than is safe to handle. I have been told by many a masochist that the urge to take and take and take can outweigh the need for self preservation. The slave must trust that when the Master says no more, it is because he doesn’t want her to be unable to move, or sit, or function the rest of the week – a bedridden slave due to a severe beating will be unable to perform her duties, or carry out tasks, both special and mundane.
Finally trust leads to consequence.
Consequences for failing to trust ones Master can take many forms – one of which is punishment from her Master as I mentioned earlier.
Then there are the unintended consequences – An example: The slave knows that she can ask for play from another Master (who may be adept at something her Master is not) and as a reward receive permission to do so. So the slave wanders off to have her pussy tortured. Now bear in mind this is all with her Masters say so…. because he felt to reward her. You would also have to understand that should the Master require the use of his slave for sexual gratification, now her pussy is either unusable or painful enough that penetration causes issues, and As such she is unusable by her Master for that purpose for the next few days. (this scenario becomes more evident if it is a slave or submissive who has to safeword due to pain).
Trust in your Sir to know your physical limitations sometimes better than you do, his JOB is to ensure you are healthy (mentally emotionally AND physically), happy and sound. With that said the end game goal is to know how to achieve these things on your own, even if you are uncollard, or unowned – it just helps to have someone there to watch over you and ensure that if you fall of the path to these things you get right back on.
In the end Trust in a Power Exchange is something that At first requires a leap of faith to surrender control, however by constantly trusting your Master more and more great things can be achieved, and massive growth for both partners is possible, along with the relationship.
Just a few things I’ve been rattling in my head, I could clarify more, however for now I just want the thoughts Out there.
Every so often I come across something that makes me either laugh or shake my head depending on the day…. Today I had a moment that made me do both.
Last night my little Fae and I got to “play”, I use quotations because it most certainly was much more – Probably our hardest scene to date, her ass is currently riddled with needle pricks on top of 70-ish lashes with the belt.
I was understandably happy with my handy work and So I took a few “after pictures”, one of which I shared on fetlife to friends only. Now my Friends list isn’t massive, I prefer to keep it to people I have either met in person, or interact with on a regular basis. however a DOZEN pictures like this were posted the night before, from an event we had’nt been able to attend by women who had scenes in the dungeon, So I figured my little fae and I would add to them.
So, I posted the Pic and went to bed thinking I would check to see if there were comments etc.
1 “love”, just one.
Now I’m not out for attention, or to whore approval, but as I was thinking about it, it brought to light an interesting comparison. My little fae’s Friendslist is only 12 people bigger and 12 different people other than I have, HOWEVER I have notcied she gets much more interaction than I do, for very similar pictures, and I got to thinking.
Most average guys like me are on fet to meet people, gain knowledge and the Like, however in order to get interaction on thier profile I can -almost- understand the multitude of cock pics. It may be semi negative attention from women, but it’s still attention.
So why is it, that on Fetlife on Friends only posts, that I see so much more attention lavished on women ? as opposed to the person whoi did the Spanking/Whipping/Flogging etc ?
After all, sometimes all the Sub does is Bring the Canvas – it’d be like crediting the Canvas maker for the Mona Lisa instead of Da Vinci.
Random thought, but it’s tickling my Brain.
It’s been a Hectic week, and one that has some lifestyle related stuff, however this is going to be a pretty general “this is my Life at the moment” kinda post.
Well, we got to play, finally. It was amazing to finally have the time to do so – Sensory deprivation and needle play – My beautiful little fae responded well and as a result is now sporting some lovely marks down the front of her body from both the needle “butttons” on her breasts, along with my name lightly carved down her belly on both sides…. it had been too long, but the play time itself was incredible.
Also, I recieved a Quasi-promotion at work along with one other, we are going to be stepping up into essentially co-store manager positions (while still answering to the general manager), As our GM is stepping back into more of a consultant role due to severe health issues, with this comes a raise, more responsibilities and new things to learn, do and be accountable for. I got home less than 20 minutes ago after meeting with our operations manager from another city to discuss things we can and cannot do regarding the store, inventory etc… over all it has been an awesome week for me job/career wise.
After all of this happened and things were done, I received a Facebook message from someone I went to high school with and a year Prior had given some information regarding Paleo eating and where to go for information…. his progress is amazing I must say – 40lbs down and 4inches on his waist…. he messaged and thanked me profusely, along with (and I take this with a grain of salt) thanking me for saving his life. I was stunned speechless and very pleased to have made such an impact on him.
Through all of this, I can’t even begin to describe how amazing my little fae has been. She is my support system, my sounding board, my conscience, and my logic. She’s helped me slow down and think, weigh the pro’s and cons, been my throttle when I needed it, and been of more help than I could have ever asked. Good Girl is not enough to describe what she has been to me lately, and always.
I must say, I am beyond amazed at how well life is going at the moment, there are of course things that could be better, but on a whole I am a Pretty happy guy right now.
“This is My life now.”
I said those words half Jokingly to my little fae the other day returning from a play party we attended in the big(ger) city east of us… Not so sadly this is a complete truth and honestly, I am ok (and maybe better than ok) with it.
As I have mentioned before, I am relatively new to the Kink Community – for years we were a Private and solitary D/s (now M/s) couple. As we started getting active and eventually taking a place as organizers alongside another couple in our local community, We became aware of events hosted in our neighboring city, and by people in that city in other locations closer to home. I have talked at length about what a positive experience MaST was for U/us , along with the Kinky Camping weekend I talked about briefly in another previous post.
Now the kinky camping weekend(FFG) is where the heavy shit started to hit me, and this past month became a whirlwind of learning, new experiences and self-growth for me.
What to say about FFG ? 4 days of workshops, demo’s and getting to know new people…. The slightly shocking part for me basically happened right off the hop, the headline presenter was set to do 4 workshops over the weekend and started off the first night with an… Active demo of Cock sucking and face fucking – I should point out, said presenter is a leather dyke… that in and of itself is new, throw in her and her slave demonstrating technique on a strap on (over underwear) and that about set the tone for the weekend. There were workshops on Sadism (playing on the darkside) electro and Fire play demos, water boarding demo’s and all sorts of things that were 100% new to me. Including a dungeon – W/we didn’t play, but we watched, and it was my first foray into seeing (many) public scenes. The entire weekend was life changing for me, a justification of what I have been doing as a D-type up until now, and I made Friends I consider lifelong. Processing all of the new information, and experiences was difficult at first, my brain was sluggish and still trying to cope with all of the stimuli, however I am one of those lucky people that can adapt quickly. Truth be told, even adapting to the nude friendly environment was tough for me…. up until now, except for porn, nudity was something I was only familiar with, with my partners behind closed doors, it was hard not to stare at some of the gorgeous women, but I do have the ability to concentrate very hard on someone’s face if need be, which probably saved me a time or two.
FFG was not only a stampede of firsts for me as well, it was a series of firsts for my little fae and I too. We (she) spent that whole weekend “test-driving” being a slave over being a submissive, and we found that it was easy, manageable and as a result have made it official that we are now an M/s dynamic – as nothing much changed from one to the other, The growth of this dynamic will eventually become another post (or 10) I am sure. We also had our first blood play scene which left some AMAZING marks, which leads me to another first – because of the sex/body positive environment I was comfortable for the first time showing off my little fae and her marks which included the entirety of her back, and ass. I am a private person so doing this for me was a huge step – however I would say I’m over that (more later), I was absolutely beaming at how proud I was to both show off some of my sadistic work, as well as show off my beautiful little fae to people…. I felt very Liberated and happy to do so.
With FFG over the latter part of the next week was spent with a vanilla friend who travelled about 36 hours to come see us, we did touristy stuff, took him out for some Local Canadian food (seriously why does the rest of the world not have poutine?) and on the Thursday he set off back down to Texas. On the Saturday of that week we were again off to the larger city to the east for a MaST meeting.
The MaST meeting itself ended up being just a get together and chat meeting, and it was nice to sit and talk with other TPE couples in a relaxed and non-topical driven setting . it was here that one of the leaders of the MaST chapter (Rand) said innocently enough “Glad you two made it out, but now you know you have to come back out next weekend, right ?”, uhm why ? “we’re having a get together and we would love it if you could come, we have a room you can crash in too!” . Thus began my (our) next set of new experiences.
As you have likely guessed, the get together was a play party.
If FFG was a shock, it was tempered by the fact that most of the play, scenes, and going’s on were sometimes at a distance, and because of that I had a buffer of sorts, it was easy to get “air” if I needed it to process. I’ll admit, when my thick Ukrainian head finally realized this was our first play party invite I got a touch nervous, not knowing what to expect. Off to the City we went again the next weekend.
The play party started off vanilla enough, sitting around their fire pit and talking with a few of the people, two of which we had met and gotten to know fairly well at FFG, and from the interaction there and at MaST, She (we’ll call her B) was obviously very very interested in my little fae. While sitting around the fire and visiting B came over to chat with my little fae and I, and for a time I had two very beautiful women sitting at my feet…. I admit, it was unexpected, and yet I felt at ease, and oddly content to be able to listen to the ladies chat while I surfed into and out of conversations, and talked with them both as well.
As the Fire wound down, we all headed inside, and got settled… Rand, his Wife/sbumissive (A) and his babygirl (J) offered up a bedroom and we stashed our gear and headed down to the party. I’ll spare most the details for the sake of anonymity, but shortly after the Rules for the play party were given, my little fae excused herself and went upstairs to our room, she returned wearing nothing but her Collar and a Shirt that was long enough to cover her – barely, Needless to say I approved. She took her place at my feet and we talked with some people watched a bit of play, and again I was saved by my ability to focus on people’s faces. After a short while, B found us and she (in Garter/stockings and small panties) informed my little fae that she was over dressed. My little fae looked at me, and I knew she was inquiring as to whether or not I was comfortable with her getting completely naked. I looked from her to B, and as I did B dropped to her knees and Begged me. I let her stay there on her knees for a few minutes, and truth be told, I was enjoying every second of it. I thought about it very very hard in those few seconds, was I comfortable showing off my property ? Why not ? we’re in a group of people that I feel a connection with, my little fae is drop dead gorgeous, and I am very proud of her for the work she has put in to improve her body type, so fuck it. I pulled her shirt off her and B almost squealed and clapped.
As the night wore on, we watched some (more) play, talked about kink, BDSM, and other things, and then from out of nowhere the female half of a pair of kinksters we had met (who was wearing nothing but a pair of panties) exclaims “I haven’t put my face in your tits yet!” to my little fae… again my little fae looked to me for permission, and the other lady did as well. Again, I thought about it – I know my little fae likes women, always has (she’s technically had more Girlfriends than I have), and the determining factor – we have been keeping an eye out for a Female to join us in a triad. In a way this was a low commitment one off situation that would give me a chance to see if I could deal with it, So I gave my permission. There was No Contact below the Navel, and I was behind my little fae holding her while she played, within seconds B had realized that there was space, and she joined the other woman. I’ll stop there for hope my blog doesn’t become weighed down with sex, rather than the thought process associated with it. I will say – I was More than ok with it, it was fucking hot.
The night ended and the local guests headed home, W/we however stayed up for a few hours more talking with Rand and A, J having gone to bed. I cannot stress how amazing of a hosts these two were, in the morning before we left, A even cooked us omelets before they’d see us out the door. You don’t see hospitality like we were shown often and so I must say I more than appreciated it.
“This is my life now”.
I have to say that I am ok with everything that has transpired in this amazing month, I know things are just getting started for me in an “out in the community” sense. I would also be remiss if I didn’t mention that a large part of this is due to the type of woman my slave is, she understands that this is all new to me, it is her “normal” and she wishes it to be mine, but understands my needs well enough that everything that transpires has to be at my pace, whatever that is.
I am looking forward to more of these experiences, educational opportunities, and just plain fun… Without gushing I can say that I wouldn’t change a moment of the last month, it has opened my eyes to so much that I need to learn, adjust to, and overcome to become comfortable with where I want U/us to go.
“This is my Life now” and I can’t wait to experience more. Thank you my little fae for the past month, and being the good girl you are.
Lets talk judgement.
Now I’m not talking about right, wrong, Moral, immoral. I’m talking about being judgmental and how we express our views of different positions on things in the lifestyle.
My little fae and I came into a discussion where someone had asked opinions on what people thought of Financial Dominants/Domination or the request of tributes from a Submissive to a Dominant. The Initial comments were disheartening to say the least, words like prostitute, mooch, and attention whore. So, I waded in and pointed out that financial domination and tributes are commonplace as a legitimate kink, with examples to prove my point. For my little fae this hit close to home, and we both passionately requested a bit of civility in the discussion.
As I continue this writing the discussion is ongoing, and words like “call girl” and points being made that if you have to “buy” domination it’s not real…. People forget that with the multitudes of kinks, fetishes, and dynamics out there we will never have agreement on anything. The important part to remember is, that if we disagree we don’t have to be fucking rude about it. With the above example I should point out, I do not expect tributes from my submissive, nor do I have any interest in financial domination, however I took to the devil’s advocate side to perhaps get people to think about what they were saying, and who they might be alienating by using some of the words they did.
In the wide world of kink, we can all disagree, but being open minded and civil in our disagreements…. along with being able to learn, grow and possibly change our opinion if there is a compelling argument….all part and parcel of personal growth in the lifestyle.
The First time I ever caught a Glimpse of something BDSM related, was Pretty innocent.. Batman Returns, Michelle Pfeiffer as Catwoman, the skin tight latex, the nails and of course, the whip. I was 16, innocent and didn’t know exactly why I liked her sadistic and sexy attitude, BUT there it was filed away in my head for later….uhm….Material. For the most part over the years mainstream movies are littered with these references, Remember Madonna in body of evidence ? Sharone Stone in Basic Instinct ? Even Famke Janssen in Goldeneye (James Bond). These are 3 of the examples that stand out to me, Save one other example that I’ll talk about in a bit.
if you’ve never seen these movies, let me say that all 4 of the characters in question share a few similar traits, they’re all cold, calculating, dangerous, sexy, and they’re all murderers. the Catwoman Bodysuit and whip combination eventually (not sure how) became my defacto idea of what a Dominatrix should look like and is in fact how many professional domina’s chose to dress, as well as “amateurs”. So as a young man Prior to my revelation in 1999 I equated BDSM with Subservient men who would let a Dominatrix do whatever they wanted to them, While these women were sexy, I think I was more turned on by the latex, and the actual act of Domination they were putting out there than the man being in a submissive position. Assuming there were no dominant men in the BDSM lifestyle and as such I discarded it, even when it came up in conversation up until I saw a movie that put a different spin on BDSM.
Eye’s Wide Shut.
While Sensationalized and obviously a “fake” shadow society, I was intrigued. So I did a bit of research and found out, yes there’s men in BDSM, yes they Can be dominant, and No it’s not all catsuits and whips. I had to leave it at this because at that point in my life I was in a very vanilla and VERY destructive phase in my life.
So what did I expect ? even after watching Eyes Wide shut, and doing a bit of Collateral research on the (still fledgling) Internet, I expected to be accosted by a leather clad, whip wielding amazonian and pressed into a cycle of pain and sexual slavery, because I had no Idea I was (or could be) a Dominant…my brain was too clouded by personal issues, and influence from main stream media. I built this world in my head of what BDSM MUST be because I didn’t take the time to live, understand and talk to real people.
Here I am 15 years (give or take) from watching Eyes Wide Shut and almost 20 from watching Catwoman Purr and stretch herself out in that catsuit. I still Love my women in corsets, and PVC, I Still like a Strong woman, and I still think Heeled Boots are hot as shit (Pumps too for that matter). I still look back on the Wax play scene from Body of evidence and remember the feeling it gave me to watch Her do that, I wanted to have that control, I wanted to be the irresistible sexually free in control one.
Realistically things are a little bit different.
I’m the Dom, I’m the sadist, I’m the one that is not only the one in charge sexually, but I am the one that is part of Guiding her, cherishing her, and telling her to be my good little whore. I can ask her at any time to pick out a corset and wear it for me. I can punish her when she’s being a disobedient pain in my ass.
Because she willingly has surrendered to me.
We have a verbal contract of sorts, we talk, we laugh, we make weird noises, we tell inside jokes in outside voices. We communicate – She tells me what she likes, doesn’t like, her hopes, her dreams, her fears.
I am not and will not ever be ANYONE’S Mister Grey. He is an unrealistic expectation of mainstream media, that, if held on to. Can and will Jade, disappoint and corrupt both the view of the community from outsiders and new comers. Ideals such as Mister Grey glorify domestic violence, and using deciet, rather than open communication in the lifestyle. Think I’m full of shit ? He made her sign that Contract under threat of abandonment. Sound sketchy at all ?
I’m Syn, I talk to my Submissive, I hold her when she Cries, I share her Triumphs, I share her learning experiences. I hold her after I Punish her, and I whisper good girl in her ear when she’s coming down. I guide her to be a better person, and I look ahead to what we will become. We are real, we have flaws and I’m ok with that.
Talk to people with real world experience before you get upset you can’t find your Christian Grey, or Selena Kyle. the reality of a D/s lifestyle might not be for you, but if it is you’ll end up taking a REAL journey that defies explanation.
Some days I just don’t understand. When I come across a new situation, or a new way of doing things in our lifestyle I’m not immediately on the defensive, I want to understand the why of things and the how. Recently in a Facebook discussion group pertaining to the lifestyle I came across one situation.
The Initial question was This:
“Having a somewhat fun, quirky brat in me that Sir will indulge “to a point” as he knows there is never any disrespect intended, I have a question for Doms and experienced subs. I dislike nipple clamps, Sir is very aware. What would your reaction be (the Dom/mes in the group) or what would be the reaction of your Sir (subs in the group) if you showed up to a session wearing band aids (cute ones like Hello Kitty or such) on your nipples in say an X to cover them?
No, they are not a hard limit, I just dislike them.”
“Being a Dom and a sadist, I can pretty much guarantee, that if Nipple clamps are not a hard limit, and you deliberately covered them from me, you’d be Punished. When not in my presence, the ONLY Bra you would be allowed would be those hello kitty bandages for a week for the first infraction, In my Presence, you would be required to wear Clamps with a weight, at ALL TIMES. Then again, I do not deal well with a Brat dynamic as my little fae can attest to. your results may vary.”
Now all was well and good for a while, she asked, and Most responded….I am one of a few active Dominants in this Group (I tagged Dot in my response, as she is part of the group as well) and as such I figured that was the end of it. at that point A female dominant Responded with this:
“I wonder why someone has a partner who insists on taking an interest where their partner has no interest. I know there’s a need for compromise, but I have no joy in doing things when my partner isn’t into it. There’s no need to force them or punish them for avoiding discomfort. I’m reading these responses and wonder why subs would ever accept being treated as if a hard limit is the only way an activity will be avoided. Do men lack creativity when it comes to a woman’s body that he has to aim for the nipples? I’m lost.”
There are a few other exchanges from myself, covering WHY I chose this punishment, the Brat in question Chose to cover her nipples so I made it a point to Put the focus onto them as a Lesson in humility and smarting off. the Reply that pissed me off from the same Domme was This one:
“Whatever floats your ship. I’m glad you found what works for you and your partner. I’d still never use my position as a dominant to touch my partner where they don’t want it. Plain and simple. My slave is perfectly fine with my style.”
I immediately gave this comment a WIDE berth, because in context I took it to mean that she believes I was violating consent/negotiated limits. Inadvertently it called in to question whether I was breaching trust with my little fae or not.
I am a Sadist, I make no excuses for this, never have, never will. I was however, dismayed that rather than explain to me how they do things, that particular statement was all I got even when later I asked how less S&M oriented D/s Couples deal with punishment, lessons and training. from certain responses, apparently causing Corporeal pain for the purpose of actual punishment, teaching, and training is abhorrent to most submissives (and a few dominants) in this group. The owner of the group (a very prominent facebook dominant/page admin) Responded with this:
“It’s a fine balance for me. I would not normally deliberately do something that my sub ‘disliked’. However I am always conscious of the fact that it is a Dominant’s responsibility to develop their sub, which may mean (carefully) pushing boundaries. Whether a resistance to be pushed would be punished or not really does depend on the boundary, circumstance and respect shown when the sub resists. There is no generic answer as differences in these things will result in differing reactions. It’s not unknown for me to punish, although i try and make that a last resort. And in terms of punishments themselves, I try to make them ‘appropriate to the crime’, the ultimate being the withholding of my attention (which in our relationship is a lot more powerful than it sounds)”
The reason withholding of attention is the apparently penultimate, for him is because his submissive lives 5000 miles away. That response was diplomatic, reasoned and honestly sharing without sharing.
Are Sadistic Dom’s really that Rare ?
Are we really looked down upon that much ?
Has the 50 Shades of Grey crowd really decided that D/s that includes REAL S&M is a blight on our community, even when used to teach, nurture and guide our submissive to better outcomes ? Quite a few submissives on this post said that their Dom NEVER does anything they don’t like…. I don’t understand this, like or dislike if you’ve negotiated hard and soft limits and it doesn’t Jive with a like and dislike list – it’s fair game for me as a tool to help us towards our goals, right ?
Maybe I’m reading too much into this, but I am honestly slightly confused by this interaction with people who are both on fetlife, and active in thier communities…. Being the only Male Dominant active in my community I learn from everywhere I can… This basically showed me that while I still wouldn’t change the way I do things, A good poriton of a 500 person community basically thinks I’m an asshole towards my sub, because I will not “Spare the Rod to spoil the Submissive.”
Odd bunch of people, or I’m the odd one….Either works.
So, My little fae and I have decided that we’re going to “The Ball”, this is an event held in a larger city 2 hours away from us every 2 months. It’s a lifestyle get together, by their own description it is a large ” fetish cultural event” basically a way for us all to get together and discuss all things kink.
I’m looking forward to going, and I know my little fae is in a way as well….However this event has brought to light a small issue I didn’t even know I had that has carried over from vanilla life.
What the hell am I going to wear and why the hell is it so hard to find men’s clothing ?
The Ball has a strictly enforced fetish dress code….you can go dressed in vanilla clothing but the price for entry would double (A voyeur fee as the call it), I have no problem with this as I want to be able to express my kinks, likes and dislikes through clothing choice. Now Dom’s can and largely do get away with wearing a suit… pretty standard “dom wear”…. for me this is difficult to accept, ANYONE can wear a suit, it’s finding a well tailored one for less than 500$ a pop that’s a problem. I don’t have a 500$ tailored suit. So that’s out for me. The next and likely choice for me would be a Kilt, and I found a nice PVC one for about 60$ U.S. I like kilts, never owned one, but they are most certainly a fetish….My Little Fae goes moist over them, and loves the Idea of me in one. I’m ok with this, but I am not sure for me….I’m different than most in my Dom identity I think, and would like to be able to portray that with my Fetish clothing choice.
Dot Recently Ordered an absolutely gorgeous corset/skirt combo for about 30 bucks online, it’s going to look stunning with her collar, leash and ankle and wrist cuffs. I want something just as spectacular, I want to find something unique to ME, so I started looking online. Finding Male Dom Oriented Fetish wear that won’t force you to mortgage your house, sell a kidney, or donate sperm is hard. Blue Jean cut faux leather pants 150 to 200$, faux leather vest, and button down shirts 100$, Black boots (with thick sole) 95$ and up. Add international shipping onto that and you have a pretty hefty bill.
On top of that, actually FINDING the stuff is difficult at best, I’ve found a few stores online but searching for Gothic clothing, but narrowing it down to something I’d actually wear further complicates things. I found some excellent stores in Germany and the UK, but again, international shipping and prices aren’t realistic, and quite a few of those stores specialize in leather family gear, and the like.
I suppose I have some time to search more for what I’d like, it’s just frustrating. So I’ll continue looking, I have a kilt/shirt ensemble picked out, but that is standard fare for A lot of men at the ball, it would be nice if I could find something semi unique to my style, that would do justice to the gorgeous woman I will have on my arm/end of my leash.
Just kinda needed to vent, BUT if anyone has any store/website recommendations please, share in the comments, or even to tell me I worry too much 😉
I’ve had the distinct pleasure of being Nominated for the Liebster award from a very Cool lady over at The Aging Sub, I high Recommend you all check her out, her blog is a candid, heartwarming and sometimes hilarious glimpse into her journey with her Sir, M. She reminds me very much of myself and my little fae, and I am honored that she would choose me for this.
The Aging Sub’s questions for me:
Do you enjoy any outdoor activities?
I LOVE going for walks, especially with my little fae, it gives us time to talk and discuss, and sometimes to our detriment, because a 10 mile walk would likely cause a few sore muscles the next day. I love being out in the sun, and find laying out in the park on a blanket reading as a perfect way to pass an afternoon. Sports and physical activity-wise, swimming at a lake is one of my absolute favorite things to do. I also hope to pick up gardening this summer as Dot has quite the green thumb, and it’s another way for us to bond.
What is your favorite weather and why?
This has got to be a tie for me. I love sunny weather, we get so little of it up here in Canada, with the harsh winters, So I love sitting out soaking up the sun. Reading, people watching, the smell of fresh cut grass, and bar-b-ques all things I associate with warmer weather. The tie would Have to be Rain – I love going for walks in the rain, and the Smell ! it’s very therapeutic and almost a form of catharsis for me to go out walking in it.
What is one of your biggest fears or phobias?
With as much as I love swimming and water in general, it’s kind of funny that my biggest fear is drowning and open water. To this day while swimming in a lake, or deep water, I still get a slightly uneasy tingle up my spine. When I was a kid I suffered from the idea, that even in an indoor pool during lessons, the Shark from JAWS was down there waiting specifically for me, to come and drag me under, one of the perks of having an active imagination I suppose. lol.
What is your drink of choice?
Being a recovered alcoholic I’ll likely answer this in a different way than most 😉 I LOVE coffee, which is weird when I say that….my love affair with this nectar of the gods didn’t start until I quit drinking, but now A good cup of coffee makes the day so much better. That said – if you have never tried a Traditionally made chai tea, you’re missing out, absolutely delicious and an amazing texture!
What is your favorite contemporary novel?
There are so many to Choose from! I read incessantly….I have 5 to 6 books on the go at once, so perhaps I’ll list my top 5 because I can’t Choose…
1. Miss Peregrene’s Home for Peculiar Children – Ransom Riggs
2. Fight Club – Chuck Palinhuik
3. Memnoch the Devil – Anne Rice
4. The Stand – Stephen King
5. The Wheel of Time Series – Robert Jordan (Finished by Brandon Sanders after his death)
What is your guilty pleasure?
Without a doubt Reese’s peanut butter cups. I could eat a hundred of these in one sitting and not bat an eye, it’s made worse by the fact that they’ve started doing Oh henry! reeses bars, and the assorted other baked goodies that use it….because of this Samhain is a disaster for my healthy eating goals. It’s probably for the best that I can’t bake worth a damn.
Did you or do you play any sports?
I’ve never been a “traditional athlete, in my younger years I was heavily into the martial arts, I spent 12 years of my life learning a bit of everything and was at one point training to perhaps take a shot at the UFC when it was in it’s infancy, but a sever knee injury squashed that. Now I am involved in powerlifting, which is a sport, but I do it more for recreation, it’s hit or miss for me however because power lifters are frowned upon as dumb meatheads locally, and as such we have few gyms that are “friendly Territory”.
What is something interesting about your personality?
I Joke about EVERYTHING, there are very few taboo subjects for me, and I tend to satirize anything in my path…because of that I have to be very very careful to filter what I say. I’ll be the first one to make an ethnic joke, even at my own expense, or make an off handed comment about serious events. As my little fae can tell you “I’m going to hell” comments are commonplace with me.
Do you play any instruments? If not, what are the first 5 bands/artists on your favorite playlist?
I have zero musical talent, so bands it is:
Death Cab For Cutie
Me First and the Gimmie Gimmies
Do you have a playroom or any special equipment?
My little fae is currently looking at homes, and we hope to build a dungeon in it, so playroom is forthcoming! As for Special equipment, we have a few “special” (read rare or obscure) toys. A TENS unit, An enema unit that can be permanently attached to a shower with a switch from said unit to showerhead, and an under the bed nylon restraint system . We have toyed with the idea of purchasing a fuck saw (it’s a real thing, I swear), and a medical examination table, Sky is pretty much the limit for us.
What are 5 things that still remain on your sexual bucket list?
Tough one to answer, but I’ll go with the use of Hypnosis for sexual pleasure, The hands Free male “super-O”, Sex covertly in public, Cumming on command training, Using remote control devices in public. Some tame, some obscure, but they’re some things I hope to either explore, do or scratch off my list to make room for more as I think more about it.
11 Random Facts About Me (questions for my nominees follow each fact)
1. I’m a huge movie buff, I love everything from Action/Adventure to Drama, but my ALL TIME favorite movie is slightly obscure, it’s called What Dreams May Come, starring Robin Williams. Definitely his finest serious Role to date. Whats your favorite movie that people may not have heard of and why ?
2. I’m very passionate about LBGTQ rights and Animal Shelters/humane societies. What, if any are some Causes you’re passionate about ?
3. My day always feels “off” without Coffee, a shower and Seeing Dot. What are some things you MUST do to start your day, or it throws your whole day off ?
4. I love to cook (even though I’m not great at it) but I hate doing dishes. Whats something you love doing despite the consequences ?
5. I’m pretty good at impressions, and back at the call center I met My little fae at, I once took a Customer service call for the duration as Milton from Office Space. Whats a “useless” talent you have that you use as often as possible ?
6. A perfect date for me is spent at home, A bbq, movie and maybe a Bonfire curled up together. Whats your Idea of a perfect date ?
7. I’ve had a cat named Daisy for the past 12 years, she’s one of my best friends, and has seen me through Good times and bad….but Used to be a dog person. Do you have any pets? if not, do you want pets ? what kind?
8. When I started getting into Kink, I wasn’t sure I could Flog anyone let alone enjoy it, it’s now one of my favorite parts of BDSM. Whats a (bdsm) activity you didn’t think you’d enjoy but absolutely love now ?
9. I love corsets on a woman. Leather, PVC and Gothic Dress for fetish-wear for men and women. Do you have a favorite piece of fetish wear? if you don’t own any, are you planning on buying some, what is it ?
10. We don’t currently have a “kinky travel bag” but I’m thinking about putting one together. Do you have toy’s you take with you on trips ?
11. I started blogging years ago, as a way to make it easier to tell people how I was feeling, and since I can be shy BDSM blogging has helped me communicate my wants and desires. How and why did you start blogging? are the reasons you started, the reasons you’ve continued ?
In keeping with the spirit of the award, here are my nominations:
I will add blogs in here as I find some I’d like to pass on, that haven’t been covered. I’m still pretty new to the Blogsphere. 🙂
Here are the rules:
Thank the person who nominated you and post a link to their blog on your blog.
Display the award on your blog–by including it in your post and/or displaying it using a “widget” or a “gadget”.
Answer 11 questions about yourself which will be provided to you by the person who nominated you.
Provide 11 random facts about yourself.
Nominate 5 – 11 blogs you feel deserve this award, who have less than 1000 followers.
Create a new list of questions for the blogger to answer.
List these rules on your post. Once you have written published it, you then have to:
Inform people/blogs that you nominated that they have been nominated for the Liebster Award and provide a link for them to your post so they can learn about it (they might not have heard of it!)