Had a Ball, and it Didn’t Deflate.

 

The weekend is over, and I must say although I am exhausted , I am also very content – and in a much better headspace about some things.

Saturday was The Ball in the neighboring city, so after work off we went .  We got there later, so we ended up dressing quickly and going with our Family to the Bar where the event is hosted.

It was fantastic to see everyone, and be greeted warmly by people. I am not, by nature a hugger, but I find it easy to accept and give hugs with all of these friends.

I must admit I am more at peace with my earlier issues regarding looking for a third, and am slowly finding my Fuckitall Zen. (this is relevant to the rest of what is about to follow).

When someone joins our local community (as more than a creeper) it’s a pretty big deal, and recently a woman joined/posted in our local group – being a curious pair, my little fae and I checked out her profile, and we were beyond impressed Cute (from her grainy picture) and intelligent/articulate. So needless to say we were looking forward to meeting her at the munch on the 24th.

Imagine our surprise, when after saying some requisite hello’s and hugs all around for some, we stepped into the main area of the Ball, and from across the room – there she was, 6 foot plus, in a corset, garters, panties and high heels (with pigtails). I think we were both struck almost speechless.

We did get a chance to meet her, and I was pretty proud of myself, I didn’t stammer at all, and even managed to get a laugh or two out of her. After my little fae and I said our goodbye’s and continued on to our table and visited with the MaST organizers, who also happen to be our family, and the other two a pair we consider good friends. The second pair is a Lesbian couple – Master and slave and very very much like us in the way we are…. this was the first real event we had seen them at outside of MaST, and a dinner they invited us to at their home.  I loved being able to visit and laugh with all of them.

During this event, there are kink vendors galore, and from another contact of ours we purchased a Plug and Tail for my little fae, as well as a Brand new 20″ oiled leather Flogger, Along with a new leopard print collar for my little fae.

After a Post Ball trip to a restaurant for a late night snack, it was back to the house to sleep.

The next morning I had a chat with Randilin and Tamile, I was curious about their thoughts on my  recent Needle play experience, and resulting battle with my brain, along with some thoughts on how that related to my little fae and I searching for our third.

My talk with them was also a form of personal growth for me. Even a year ago, my little fae, and these pages would have been the only place I would have voiced my problems, and I cannot thank those two for their insight, and compassion – they did largely reinforce many things I had already come to terms with, but also sent me home with some reading material and a bit more to think about. Truth be told, I will likely be better moving forward than I would have been without the conversation.

I will have more on this I am sure, but for now, Just a recap.

I am looking forward to the munch, and enjoying the ride to come…. I know I’ll be fighting my head for a while to come, but at least now I know where to start.

 

Regards,

 

Syn

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Of Vampires, Work and MaST

I’m Tired.

It has been a long week full of emotional vampires at work, but I am lucky enough to have amazing regulars that make the nights go by much faster.

I work in a vape shop, and at 35 I am (when the 20 year old college student is done) youngest member of the staff by at least 10 years. Now, my little fae is 8 years older than me, however she is young at heart, and not stuffy or (overly) stubborn. To me Vaping is a passion something that I carry with me into every sale, from a person just getting their start to get off cigarettes,  to the Builders that come in and cloud chase.

My co-workers aren’t as excited about this – Nor knowledgeable, and it wears on me to constantly be asking questions related to the Technical side of our product. My Regulars make it much more bearable to keep my energy up, because we are ALL excited about vaping, building and everything vape related. the alst 2 hours of my shift were spent talking vaping with 5 or 6 regulars that came in and Cloud chasing with them, the front of the store was fogged out and smelled of all manner of deliciousness.

So now I am off until Monday with a trip into the City to attend MAsT, which I am excited for, as it means time with my little fae. Related to that – W/we have been asked to present next month on Living 24/7, I am both excited to share my thoughts and terrified, and also perplexed a bit on having to do so. My little fae has MANY years in this lifestyle, and is a wealth of knowledge – I do have a wealth of knowledge, however there is a small part of me that wonders if I am “good” enough to stand in front of some who have almost double (if not triple) my years in the lifestyle.

Just a Quick “how’s it going” From me, my Brain is Mush, so off to call My little fae after -her- emotional vampire leaves, make some food and vape/relax a bit.

Rest well and Regards,

 

Syn

 

Changes and Progress.

Progress is impossible without change, and those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything. – George Bernard Shaw.

It has been an interesting two weeks or so since I wrote here last, and rather than Write the post I had mentioned on Hetero Leather that I promised, I thought I should instead update you on a few major changes in the lives of Syn and Dot.

So, As I mentioned I used to be a smoker – and since about the Middle of June I’ve been vaping instead… for me, it’s a harm reduction alternative and still allows me to keep a vice, as I don’t drink anymore or any of that other stuff from my misspent youth. I’ve been Cigarette free almost 4 months, and learning as much as I could about vaping from online sources regarding the units themselves, tanks and juice.

Recently a store opened here that sells vapes, and accessories – I used to frequent the stores of the same brand in the larger city we travel to for MaST as well, so when I noticed it had opened here, my little fae and I stopped in. In the course of conversation with the store manager he off-handedly mentioned that they were looking to hire some full time people.  So later the next week I dropped off my Resume, had my First and second interviews within 2 days of each other and was hired almost instantly.

Up until now I have been living off smart investments, and a modest rental revenue, certainly taking care of my basic needs, but not allowing me to get ahead. So now with this, I’ve taken a step out of repetitiveness and decided to move forward.

Because of this my little fae and I have been getting much less time together, as I am now essentially working 9 to 5 and she starts work at 4 PM until around 1:30 AM.  We will probably take a while to adjust to this, and it will be compounded by the vacation that we will have  together starting this Friday – A full week together! we’re going to be spoiled by each other’s company. We still have Saturdays and Sundays together – and all though I have made it a point to inform work I need at least one Saturday off a month (for MaST, as it is a necessity as a support system and relationship builder for us), I will still have to work some Saturdays as well.   We will manage and get that dealt with eventually in terms of time for U/us as well.

As a TPE couple we now have a mutual goal in sight, moving in together (eventually) – my little fae has also taken some steps to move forward as well (spurred by my choice to do so) and it means big changes and opening of possibilities for us. She recently took steps to move forward with her divorce, which for me is a huge relief (that aspect of her life which encompasses kids as well, was a hard limit so I would voice an opinion, but not exert influence.), For me it gives me a light at the end of this tunnel and pushes me to -want- to do more than exist, we have a plan and a possible long term future to strive for and achieve.

As we are moving forward for us, as in all things, communication, compromise and doing what is right for both of us to have our needs met, is going to be the path to success.  We had a talk as well regarding certain things we can do as a TPE couple to smooth over this change in our routine, and she will now be given a small task for each day of the week (from me) to replace the time we would have had coffee together, so that not only is she going to be doing daily household tasks for me, but it will benefit her by cutting down the amount of work she has on weekends so we may have more time together.  I will still be checking in with her at work every night, and I will be messaging her in the mornings before i go to work, so that she knows I am there if needed. I have also decided to cave and Purchase a smart phone for texting and another method of keeping in contact.

It should be an interesting few weeks for us, and I will do my best to post when I have free time, but it may be spotty for the next while, and so for that, I apologize.

 

Regards,

Syn

We Don’t D/s. We M/s, Can We Stop Beating the Dead Horse ?

I often hear stories about how in the old days BDSM was “underground” or hidden from the general public. I can kind of empathize with that thanks to a current situation W/we find ourselves  in, in our local community.

Now, the original leathermen found themselves in a situation where TPE, S&M and the very state of being gay was at best all considered mental illness and at worst if outed would result in a severe beating and possibly being killed. Let me be clear, my little fae and I are nowhere near that level of ostracism, and perhaps it’s in our heads, but I feel it’s something I need to explain and get off my chest.

As I have mentioned, my little fae and I are the only M/s couple who regularly attends our munches/is active in our community – A small aside for clarity: there is one female domme and her male sub that come out as regularly as possible (with 3 children under the age of 3 that can be difficult). There is another splinter community that has 2 other TPE couples we do not associate with for various reasons, we are just not compatible in thought, speech or action.

So in our community largely we are a solitary TPE couple, we are surrounded by kinksters. fetishists and purely S&M oriented couples. Normally we would have no issue with this, however we have one individual that rails so hard against labels, protocol and the structure we hold to be integral to our kink identity, that it seems almost phobic.

I’ve come to the point where I don’t really talk about TPE and our M/s dynamic openly to people in our community because I have come to feel that no one can really “let it be” – We have Rituals and protocols that we adhere to, but they are largely unobtrusive, the most obvious is the one of her sitting at my feet when it is not going to freak out the vanillas.

I ask questions of the community in our local fetlife group on a regular basis, and in doing so when it is relevant I draw parallels and comparisons between TPE and the question…. Numerous times the response from this person leads with “I don’t D/s, but……”  and even in one on one conversation he goes out of his way to point this out. I think the particular event(?) that broke the camel’s back was a journal entry I made on fetlife(and here) regarding Dominants and perceptions of what a Dominant should be. The response I received largely stayed on topic, except for a response from this individual basically laying out a whole guideline for his -own- definition of labels as it pertains to him (basically creating a whole new set of definitions/names for Dom/Sub/etc). To me, it was a direct slap in the face.

Perhaps I am taking this out of context or reading too much into it, however I must say that being “alone” in the local community we certainly feel alone when surrounded by people that are supposed to foster a feeling of belonging.  We were remarking the other day how Our trips to the bigger city for MaST and the people we have had the pleasure of meeting and getting to know, make us feel more at home then our locals do. Even the kinksters and fetishists are respectful, accepting or at the very least open to accepting what TPE means to us.  In the long run, this has been the reasoning behind our more frequent trips to that city for events and the community with-in. Yes, they have Politics but for the most part we stay neutral and prefer to simply enjoy the individuals rather than the climate between groups.

I’m not sure if this situation is just a one off pertaining to our little backwards town, or if there are others out there that have experienced something similar…but this is how I see it, and where W/we are atm community wise.

 

Regards,

 

 

Syn

This is My Life Now.

“This is My life now.”

I said those words half Jokingly to my little fae the other day returning from a play party we attended in the big(ger) city east of us… Not so sadly this is a complete truth and honestly, I am ok (and maybe better than ok) with it.

As I have mentioned before, I am relatively new to the Kink Community – for years we were a Private and solitary D/s (now M/s) couple. As we started getting active and eventually taking a place as organizers alongside another couple in our local community, We became aware of events hosted in our neighboring city, and by people in that city in other locations closer to home. I have talked at length about what a positive experience MaST was for U/us , along with the Kinky Camping weekend I talked about briefly in another previous post.

Now the kinky camping weekend(FFG) is where the heavy shit started to hit me, and this past month became a whirlwind of learning, new experiences and self-growth for me.

What to say about FFG ? 4 days of workshops, demo’s and getting to know new people…. The slightly shocking part for me basically happened right off the hop, the headline presenter was set to do 4 workshops over the weekend and started off the first night with an… Active demo of Cock sucking and face fucking – I should point out, said presenter is a leather dyke… that in and of itself is new, throw in her  and her slave demonstrating technique on a strap on (over underwear) and that about set the tone for the weekend. There were workshops on Sadism (playing on the darkside) electro and Fire play demos, water boarding demo’s and all sorts of things that were 100% new to me. Including a dungeon – W/we didn’t play, but we watched, and it was my first foray into seeing (many) public scenes. The entire weekend was life changing for me, a justification of what I have been doing as a D-type up until now, and I made Friends I consider lifelong. Processing all of the new information, and experiences was difficult at first, my brain was sluggish and still trying to cope with all of the stimuli, however I am one of those lucky people that can adapt quickly.  Truth be told, even adapting to the nude friendly environment was tough for me…. up until now, except for porn, nudity was something I was only familiar with, with my partners behind closed doors, it was hard not to stare at some of the gorgeous women, but I do have the ability to concentrate very hard on someone’s face if need be, which probably saved me a time or two.

FFG was not only a stampede of firsts for me as well, it was a series of firsts for my little fae and I too. We (she) spent that whole weekend “test-driving” being a slave over being a submissive, and we found that it was easy, manageable and as a result have made it official that we are now an M/s dynamic – as nothing much changed from one to the other, The growth of this dynamic will eventually become another post (or 10) I am sure.  We also had our first blood play scene which left some AMAZING marks, which leads me to another first – because of the sex/body positive environment I was comfortable for the first time showing off my little fae and her marks which included the entirety of her back, and ass. I am a private person so doing this for me was a huge step – however I would say I’m over that (more later), I was absolutely beaming at how proud I was to both show off some of my sadistic work, as well as show off my beautiful little fae to people…. I felt very Liberated and happy to do so.

With FFG over the latter part of the next week was spent with a vanilla friend who travelled about 36 hours to come see us, we did touristy stuff, took him out for some Local Canadian food (seriously why does the rest of the world not have poutine?) and on the Thursday he set off back down to Texas. On the Saturday of that week we were again off to the larger city to the east for a MaST meeting.

The MaST meeting itself ended up being just a get together and chat meeting, and it was nice to sit and talk with other TPE couples in a relaxed and non-topical driven setting . it was here that one of the leaders of the MaST chapter (Rand) said innocently enough “Glad you two made it out, but now you  know you have to come back out next weekend, right ?”, uhm why ? “we’re having a get together and we would love it if you could come, we have a room you can crash in too!” . Thus began my (our) next  set of new experiences.

As you have likely guessed, the get together was a play party.

If FFG was a shock, it was tempered by the fact that most of the play, scenes, and going’s on were sometimes at a distance, and because of that I had a buffer of sorts, it was easy to get “air” if I needed it to process.  I’ll admit, when my thick Ukrainian head finally realized this was our first play party invite I got a touch nervous, not knowing what to expect.  Off to the City we went again the next weekend.

The play party started off vanilla enough, sitting around their fire pit and talking with a few of the people, two of which we had met and gotten to know fairly well at FFG, and from the interaction there and at MaST, She (we’ll call her B) was obviously very very interested in my little fae.  While sitting around the fire and visiting B came over to chat with my little fae and I, and  for a time I had two very beautiful women sitting at my feet…. I admit, it was unexpected, and yet I felt at ease, and oddly content to be able to listen to the ladies chat while I surfed into and out of conversations, and talked with them both as well.

As the Fire wound down, we all headed inside, and got settled… Rand, his Wife/sbumissive (A) and his babygirl (J) offered up a bedroom and we stashed our gear and headed down to the party.  I’ll spare most the details for the sake of anonymity, but shortly after the Rules for the play party were given, my little fae excused herself and went upstairs to our room, she returned wearing nothing but her Collar and a Shirt that was long enough to cover her – barely, Needless to say I approved. She took her place at my feet and we talked with some people watched a bit of play, and again I was saved by my ability to focus on people’s faces.  After a short while, B found us and she (in Garter/stockings and small panties) informed my little fae that she was over dressed. My little fae looked at me, and I knew she was inquiring as to whether or not I was comfortable with her getting completely naked.  I looked from her to B, and as I did B dropped to her knees and Begged me. I let her stay there on her knees for a few minutes, and truth be told, I was enjoying every second of it. I thought about it very very hard in those few seconds, was I comfortable showing off my property ? Why not ? we’re in a group of people that I feel a connection with, my little fae is drop dead gorgeous, and I am very proud of her for the work she has put in to improve her body type, so fuck it. I pulled her shirt off her and B almost squealed and clapped.

As the night wore on, we watched some (more) play, talked about kink, BDSM, and other things, and then from out of nowhere the female half  of a pair of kinksters  we had met (who was wearing nothing but a pair of panties) exclaims “I haven’t put my face in your tits yet!” to my little fae… again my little fae looked to me for permission, and the other lady did as well. Again, I thought about it – I know my little fae likes women, always has (she’s technically had more Girlfriends than I have), and the determining factor – we have been keeping an eye out for a Female to join us in a triad. In a way this was a low commitment one off  situation that would give me a chance to see if I could deal with it, So I gave my permission. There was No Contact below the Navel, and I was behind my little fae holding her while she played, within seconds B had realized that there was space, and she joined the other woman. I’ll stop there for hope my blog doesn’t become weighed down with sex, rather than the thought process associated with it. I will say – I was More than ok with it, it was fucking hot.

The night ended and the local guests headed home, W/we however stayed up for a few hours more talking with Rand and A, J having gone to bed. I cannot stress how amazing of a hosts these two were, in the morning before we left, A even cooked us omelets before they’d see us out the door.   You don’t see hospitality like we were shown often and so I must say I more than appreciated it.

“This is my life now”.

I have to say that I am ok with everything that has transpired in this amazing month, I know things are just getting started for me in an “out in the community” sense. I would also be remiss if I didn’t mention that a large part of this is due to the type of woman my slave is, she understands that this is all new to me, it is her “normal” and she wishes it to be mine, but understands my needs well enough that everything that transpires has to be at my pace, whatever that is.

I am looking forward to more of these experiences, educational opportunities, and just plain fun… Without gushing I can say that I wouldn’t change a moment of the last month, it has opened my eyes to so much that I need to learn, adjust to, and overcome to become comfortable with where I want U/us to go.

“This is my Life now” and I can’t wait to experience more.  Thank you my little fae for the past month, and being the good girl you are.

 

Regards,

 

Syn

MaST: Labels and (Possible) Evolutions.

So yesterday we went into the bigger city to the east of us for a MaST meeting. A first for both of us I believe.

I was rather off kilter heading in as I mentioned, but the Topic was something I REALLY wanted to be there for (more on that later). After signing the standard meeting NDA (regarding disclosing personal information) we had a few minutes to introduce ourselves and get comfortable. It was nice to finally put some faces to fetlife names, and meet some brand new to me people. I was marginally surprised that Dot and I were the only Dom/Sub Identified couple, however I got to meet and interact with a DD/lg, and M/s Dynamic and see them in action (kind of). I make it sound like a bit of a wildlife preserve walk about, but honestly as I have mentioned here in our City I am the only declared and active male Dominant, so seeing these different types of D/s dynamics in person was eye opening to me.  That said, all of the particular dynamics were also essentially very familiar in a comfortable way.

The Topic itself was awesome, “Labels and the boxes they create” basically analyzing the given titles (Master, Dominant, Daddy, Slave, Sub, Little, etc) and the things they encompass, along with negative connotations or stereotypes associated with them. Hearing the discussion both from people of the chosen dynamic, and those of people who have been closer to them than I have was great. For the most part my idea of the labels was pretty spot on to what most of the people were discussing. I did however learn a lot on top of it, and it got both my little fae and I thinking about a great many things.  (Again, more on that later)

After the meeting was over we had the pleasure of Grabbing Dinner with a M/s couple we connected (we think) very deeply with, as well as 2/3rds of a house who are mutual friends with two of our closest friends in our local city. We ended up eating and talking, and eventually getting the equivalent of “you ain’t gotta go home, but you gotta get the fuck outta here”, we could have sat and talked with these people for HOURS more.

So, on the Drive home My little fae and I got to talking.

We both agreed that MaST is by far one of the most positive and game changing experiences we’ve had as a couple, and we plan to make it as regular of an occurrence as we can. On that particular point of conversation something huge came out from the shadows and we had it consume at least 2/3rds of the ride home as conversation.

Because of the topic of the MaST meeting and what we felt to be an immediate connection with the M/s couple in attendance, we got to thinking, what is the difference between U/us as a D/s dynamic, and an M/s dynamic ? My little fae and I have always considered ourselves to be closer to an M/s dynamic, but said “the reason we do not consider ourselves M/s is because she enjoys certain liberties that she does not feel comfortable giving up, and I would not feel comfortable accepting taking from her.” In discussing this, I said this at the MaST meeting, and it was met (from all 3 masters, and the 2 slaves in attendance) with “what liberties are those that differentiates what you have and what we have?”. Truth be told, that one question from them  was meant to simply further the discussion and help others understand. However, when pressed with the question, neither of us could come up with the liberties in question.

I could tell this was bothering my little fae on the ride home, So I let her mull it over for a while in between discussing how thrilled we were with the night.

Dot is a fiercely independent woman, I am her Dominant, however outside of our relationship she is submissive to no one at all. We eventually got onto this topic and how it relates to our belief that we are closer to M/s… So I did what any good Sir would do, I made her really think about it. I played devils advocate to everything she brought up as to why she doesn’t identify as a slave. She is under the impression that because her other submissive title changes were accompanied by a change of need/submissive traits an evolution to an M/s dynamic must have that too.

I should be clear, I by no means was/am trying to push us to declare an M/s dynamic or change of title, my intention was to get her thinking about what scares her about change, an evolution, and why she so adamantly opposes it. In order to foster this, I’ve given her a writing task, along with a task to reach out and ask questions of the slaves and other s-types at our next MaST meeting. I want her to understand and accept that not all change has to really be change, some times it is a natural evolution that can happen faster than we expect.

I do see my little fae and I as a Master/slave dynamic and have for a while, to me nothing has to change. It was glaringly obvious to me when we spoke with just about every one at MaST. That said, I under no Circumstances think anyone in my community or otherwise would have to address me with that honorific, being a master of something takes time, investment and respect. I am on my way to becoming a Master in title but a long way from being one in honorific. I am Syn, I am a D-type personality – I Identify myself as a Dominant, but truly see my little fae and I as Master/slave, but that step in change of dynamic title will be taken as we do everything – Together, and when we are both comfortable with it.

I am sure I will have more, after I read the collective thoughts of my little fae on the subject, but until then:

 

Regards,

 

Syn.

The Introvert, The MaST Meeting, and TPE.

My Little fae is off on business today before she starts her vacation tomorrow, so it’s given me some time to sit back and think. Most notably about the coming week. We are headed into the Neighboring bigger city for a MaST meeting this Saturday. I have to say I’m a bit nervous about going.

Being an introvert is both a blessing and a curse, I have a Public face that I put on, and can deal with people very easily, it used to be my “retail face” but now it’s reserved for meeting new people, and being out and about in the community. I’m still me, same sense of humor and all, it’s just me at a higher volume. It drains me though, and I need time after to reflect, process, and re-charge.

According to the Fetlife group page there are only 11 people (including my little fae and myself) that are attending this meeting, which does make it slightly easier for us both. I am however still leery of going. We have been a D/s couple almost from the get go, but only formally D/s for about 3 years, and “out” in the community for about 7 months. I didn’t have a mentor, and while Dot brought me into this lifestyle, and answers questions I have about things, or directs me to information, I am a largely self “taught” dominant. What we have works for us, and My little fae having some 20+ years knowledge (and practical experience) in the lifestyle has basically said we could do Master/slave quite easily, but there are some liberties she enjoys that are integral to M/s that we both prefer she keep. So, we are D/s rather than M/s but closer on the spectrum to M/s.

I have this nasty habit of being a perfectionist in some things, and I have this underlying concern that I’m going to get to know some of these people in MaST who have been doing things for years, and wonder who the fuck this small town jackass is that calls himself a Dominant. We are not traditionally hardcore in a sense that I allow my little fae to be cheeky with me, I allow her to be herself, she is opinionated, but respectful, she will speak up when not fully in agreement, but deferential  to me when I explain my reasoning. Thing’s like that I find, are rare (at least around our small town).

I am looking forward to making Connections at MaST, and perhaps even finding someone I can bounce Idea’s, thoughts, and concerns off of that has a Dom’s perspective, out here I am the ONLY male dominant that is active in our community, so while I can share things with our 3 Female dominants, there are certain things I don’t understand from thier PoV and vice versa. We have also been told by a few people in our community that we are “Hardcore” D/s, whatever that means, to us our way of being is natural. We have taken on somewhat of an advisory role to people in our community, I suppose our dynamic speaks for itself.

I guess I just needed to get out some of my fears, concerns and doubt’s about this so I can accept and move on…. overall I look at this as a positive experience and one, I hope culminates with us being able to attend the requisite 3 meetings a year (at the minimum) and becoming MaST members.

Our version of TPE, might be different, it might not, but it’s ours, and nothing will ever change that. As with all new experiences I guess I’ll just have to see what my first MaST meeting will bring.

 

Regards,

 

Syn