Personal growth is a funny thing, for years I raged against it, I was comfortable in complacency, I didn’t want to move forward and leave my comfort zone. In all honesty when I was younger I needed that, a safe place to rebuild myself after years of self neglect, abusive relationships, and addiction.
As of late myself and my little fae have taken steps to move forward with not only our life together (much more on that later), as well as our lifestyle goals and what we wish to become as Leather People.
Sadly, we’ve decided we need to focus those efforts outside of our province – don’t get me wrong, we love our little community here, however it seems to be the same old at almost every event we go to, some are better than others, and I do understand that at public events we are kneecapped with what we can do based on public decency laws etc. It does also seem like most use their bdsm knowledge and reputations more as social currency and less as something for enjoyment and satisfaction. I refuse to be a part of that line of thinking.
It seems as though a lot (not all) scenes at events are “beats” AKA -I’ll just hit you with shit until you safe-word on me, or my appendages get tired. I know there are private events out there that are sex-positive, full of Leather, sex, Violence and could show us we are not alone, and maybe teach us a few things in the process. As of yet we haven’t managed to get an invite to any of these events, and even if we did, our distance from the bigger city makes attendance difficult at best.
So for me, what do I want to learn, experience and indulge in?
- CuckQueaning, with a focus on degradation and humiliation. Both Dot and I find this is something we want to experience together, although we do want another s-type to join our house, a casual partner willing to be our cuckcake would alsofit nicely and feed my desire to experience a healthy (and longer lasting) poly dynamic.
- Cigar Play/Service. Years ago I was a budding cigar aficionado. I enjoyed the learning process, and preparation to enjoy a good Cigar and Scotch, Combine that with play and I’m all in.
- Fear Play/Mindfucks – Something we already dabble in, I like crawling around inside the dark spaces in someones head and see what shakes loose, tears and screaming are hot as fuck. As long as I can put them back together after.
- Bootblacking and bootplay/worship – My little fae is a bootblack and thus far we have used it mostly for leather care with very little play involved – she wishes to pursue this and get back to where she was with bootblacking previously, and if we can incorporate play with that, even better.
These are just a few things I/we want to learn, see, experience and watch. Many of these types of play are found in bigger cities in Canada, so that is where we will go. The Leather Community in our province does have some of this knowledge, and as I said we’d love to pick their brains, however that would require travel and a time cost we may not be able to commit to easily.
Just a few thoughts, and perhaps making some of my goals more of a reality by putting them in words.