Personal and Lifestyle Growth.

Personal growth is a funny thing, for years I raged against it, I was comfortable in complacency, I didn’t want to move forward and leave my comfort zone. In all honesty when I was younger I needed that, a safe place to rebuild myself after years of self neglect, abusive relationships, and addiction.

As of late myself and my little fae have taken steps to move forward with not only our life together (much more on that later), as well as our lifestyle goals and what we wish to become as Leather People.

Sadly, we’ve decided we need to focus those efforts outside of our province – don’t get me wrong, we love our little community here, however it seems to be the same old at almost every event we go to, some are better than others, and I do understand that at public events we are kneecapped with what we can do based on public decency laws etc. It does also seem like most use their bdsm knowledge and reputations more as social currency and less as something for enjoyment and satisfaction. I refuse to be a part of that line of thinking.

It seems as though a lot (not all) scenes at events are “beats” AKA -I’ll just hit you with shit until you safe-word on me, or my appendages get tired. I know there are private events out there that are sex-positive, full of Leather, sex, Violence and could show us we are not alone, and maybe teach us a few things in the process. As of yet we haven’t managed to get an invite to any of these events, and even if we did, our distance from the bigger city makes attendance difficult at best.

So for me, what do I want to learn, experience and indulge in?

  • CuckQueaning, with a focus on degradation and humiliation. Both Dot and I find this is something we want to experience together, although we do want another s-type to join our house, a casual partner willing to be our cuckcake would alsofit nicely and feed my desire to experience a healthy (and longer lasting) poly dynamic.
  • Cigar Play/Service.  Years ago I was a budding cigar aficionado. I enjoyed the learning process, and preparation to enjoy a good Cigar and Scotch, Combine that with play and I’m all in.
  •  Fear Play/Mindfucks – Something we already dabble in, I like crawling around inside the dark spaces in someones head and see what shakes loose, tears and screaming are hot as fuck. As long as I can put them back together after.
  • Bootblacking and bootplay/worship – My little fae is a bootblack and thus far we have used it mostly for leather care with very little play involved – she wishes to pursue this and get back to where she was with bootblacking previously, and if we can incorporate play with that, even better.

These are just a few things I/we want to learn, see, experience and watch. Many of these types of play are found in bigger cities in Canada, so that is where we will go. The Leather Community in our province does have some of this knowledge, and as I said we’d love to pick their brains, however that would require travel and a time cost we may not be able to commit to easily.

Just a few thoughts, and perhaps making some of my goals more of a reality by putting them in words.

Regards,

 

Syn

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Dear Brain – Please Shut The Fuck Up.

I have to admit sometimes it’s difficult for me to reconcile my reality with what my brain is telling me.

My little fae and I have settled into  a bit of a routine, Life has been busy lately. Little time to play, but our TPE is still strong.

I love all the time we’ve been getting together, but I do miss playing – I was/am more comfortable with my sadistic side, however in becoming so, I find I miss our sessions…. They seem to only happen when we travel to the other city for events, and even then Co-topping is what usually occurs.

Here is where the disconnect happens.

I’m at a loss for how to make things happen more organically – between work, kids visiting more than periodically, the need for sleep for both of us on off(ish) hours than the other, and the fact that I prefer play to be unplanned, leads to a difficult time making it happen.

Couple all of that, with the issues I’ve had accepting my Sadism in the past and my logical brain is wondering what the fuck is wrong with me.

I don’t know why these words fell out of my head, or what if anything the solution is, however here it is.

I plan to write more, as work now allows for it, but just a quick entry to let you know I’m still alive and moving somewhat.

 

Regards,

 

Syn.

Public Play – Do I trust you enough ?

In about two weeks time there is an event coming up that I am greatly looking forward to, it’s a weekend long “kinky camping” and workshop event, 3+ days of education, lifestyle related fun and scenes involving all manner of kinksters.

 This particular event brings to light a few new things for me to experience, I have never been to an event where public play is encouraged, and if not encouraged, at the very least a normal part.

We have two very close friends who have recently expressed an interest in how we play, and I should quantify that we trust them enough to play in front of them, and I know that they want us to enjoy this event as much as they did their first go ’round last year. Part of their experience was something they refer to as one of their best scenes ever, and I truly do thank them for in their way trying to ensure we have as positive an experience as they did. 

That said, there are a few reasons both my little fae and I (may) have a hard time with public scene’s and the rest of this writing will be my half of why I may have issues playing in public, which is largely because of the way we play. 

I/we do not plan play, it is as organic as our TPE, one night we might not play at all, and the next just vanilla sex, with a night on the weekend of one of the most intense sessions we’ve had in a while. 

Most of our play sessions begin with an act of submission from Dot, for example the question “Are you ready to serve, my little fae?” is my unspoken order for her to take off her clothes, prepare the bed to my specifications, and put on her training collar, Cuffs and return to me Kneeling in the position and manner we have practiced. I then have the ability to direct her to where ever I want our “scene” to take place. 

On top of S&M being a large part of our Play, we also incorporate humiliation – I have no problem taunting and mocking Dot while she is stuck in a conundrum I have presented – laughing at her when she must decide to squirt, or hold her orgasm when there is Tiger Balm on her Clit and nipples, with the hitachi buzzing away, calling her my slut, my whore and laughing all the while. We incorporate a LOT of mental emotional and physical S&M.

This was a very very simple example, but I think it illustrates a very important aspect of us both, I love my little fae, and she loves me, But I can be a mean motherfucker and she likes that about me. I may break her, and enjoy it, but the true joy is putting her back together again when we’re done.

 As a Strong pair of personalities, We both have issue with displaying vulnerability to people, and we’d have to trust the people watching a  full out scene of ours immensely. The two I mentioned earlier, we do trust, along with a few others we have met. However, there are others in the community that, while we trust them, not to the extent required. 

What about not putting it all out there though, and just showcasing an activity ? for educational purposes we could….but it is just that, in order for pleasure in our back and forth, we need aspects of EVERYTHING we do. Detachment mentally for her and I is not a possibility, we are so in tune with each other it’s scary some days.

Hopefully this has given some insight on the way we play, and why a small play party with trusted people will be a better arena for my first ever public scene, rather than a large event. We’re not ruling it out if it happens organically, but neither are we definitively planning to play in public.

So, Public scene’s: Awesome, or not ? Do you/have you and your partner ever done so, and what did you think ?

 

Regards,

 

Syn