Consideration: Like Test Driving for Power Exchange.

I recently decided to bring back an old tradition very few seem to practice anymore, and I’m not sure why more don’t.

Consideration.

In a power exchange relationship or at least the more traditional D/s or M/s dynamics there used to be a period of consideration which may or may not include a collaring. For myself it did not include a collar – for me a collar is a VERY special recognition of my belief that you will fit well into the lives of not only Myself, but my slave as well.

So what IS consideration?

To me (and from much that I have read) it is a period where an S-type requests to be considered for a permanent position (and collar) with a dominant. Now I would think that a slave or submissive would also want to check out the dominant. Think of this consideration phase like a test drive or (if you’re old enough) going steady. The submissive would be given rules to adhere to ([different or less than] the rules she would have as a fully collared S-type within the Master’s house). It allows the Master to evaluate the submissive – and see if the fit would work within his house, as well as setting up a rough plan for how to improve upon, and integrate her skills to fit his needs.

In the reverse, it is also a chance for the S-type to check out how the Master does things, and see if he would be a good fit for her goals as well. After all – a babygirl would have one hell of a time with a disciplinarian focused dominant and would not flourish, which if they’re both astute, they should realize quickly. It is also a chance for the submissive to prove to the Master she could also settle into a pecking order with other S-types and blend into service with them with as little disruption as possible.

For these reasons alone I think it is more than worth waiting to collar an S-type. How many times in vanilla life (or other kinky dating) did you get through  a month or two of dating and realize you were completely incompatible ? Probably made it difficult (or at least awkward) to break it off I’d assume?

If both parties go in KNOWING that this is the equivalent of a test drive, then there should be less hard feelings should one party decide the arrangement won’t be for them.

Now the consideration phase should still include things like first meetings, safe calls, and negotiation without any power imbalance. Setting guidelines amicable to both is paramount so that the consideration phase can have as high as possible of a chance of succeeding.

Most will also Adhere to this being a time when the S-type is essentially “off-limits” to other Dominants, as they are considering moving into a heavier commitment with the Dominant who is considering them. Some also impose a set period of time for the consideration phase, with renegotiation able to happen at the end of that period. Renegotiation could either be another consideration phase, or moving into a training collar.

To some this may seem antiquated or like “too much work” – however to me, and at this point in my life I have decided that it is neither. I have my slave, and I love her dearly, she proved, bled and earned her collar through service, hard work and PROVING she wished to give her all to me. Why should I accept less from a potential partner ? For one who truly wishes to join her and I on a journey, we will give her our all, so she should be prepared to pass the consideration period, and give as much as we will give in return.

Too many times I see “velcro” collars.

Oh you’re owned by so-and-so?

oh, that was last week ?

So you’re now owned by So-and-so?

Oh, that was yesterday ?

Today you’re owned by someone else?

This does not show me a true desire to submit, Defer and need anything but a fashion accessory around your neck for an ill percieved “status” symbol.

So why would I waste my time? I certainly wouldn’t waste yours.

 

In Leather,

 

Syn.

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Where Syn Starts Getting His Shit In Order.

Last Night I wrote further about my Needle Play Experience, and a few things i had mulled ovver in my head as a result, and unfortunately wordpress ate it. This did however get me thinking more, and so I started re-writing when I got home from work, as I had more time to think.

I’ve come to realize that I thoroughly enjoyed myself topping someone that wasn’t Dot. After some conversation with her, and yet more processing, I also realize that there is no reason for me to feel guilty about doing so – as long as the bottom in question has respectfully asked Dot for permission to play with me/asked me and I tell her (part of our negotiated verbal contract), then I should just enjoy myself. it’s incredibly hard for me to just let go of a lifetime of stigma and being up tight regarding anything vaguely erotic or “abnormal”.  Dot assures me that she Loved watching me “at work” and sat visiting with Lola while doing so.

Which brings me to the next point and a hard one for me to admit.

I’m marginally jealous of Dot at these events.

Whether she see’s (or admits) it, or not she garners A LOT of attention at these events. quite often I feel as though I am nothing but an afterthought to some. She doesn’t see it, but she is strikingly beautiful, and even though she is my Slave, she can dominate a room just on her presence alone when she enters it. Couple this with my lack of ability to overcome some pretty deep seeded self esteem issues, and I do on occasion feel left out when it comes to women who have made it no secret that they want to play with her. We also talked about this at length – and at the root of it, is my self esteem issues, I have to learn to not give a fuck.

They say it takes 21 days of repetition to build or break a habit, I am more than willing to put in the work to break this issue I have… I just don’t know where to start or how. I am proud of myself though, I’m MUCH better than I was even 5 years ago.

It’s frustrating for me to be so sure of myself in some aspects, and so fucking weak or unsure in others. I don’t even know how to put words to it to be honest, I have sat here from the last paragraph to this one thinking for a good 15 minutes on it, and still the words won’t come.

She assures me that I am very very good at starting conversations, and she can handle the flirting, but to be honest, I need to learn to do a bit of that myself – which brings us back to finding my center of “not giving a fuck zen”.

Perhaps I need to stop trying to analyze and just do, rather than over thinking – it’s not Astrophysics.

Right?

Goddamn it.

Regards,

 

Syn

Yet More Firsts – Needles and Raven Haired bottoms.

it’s been a long ass time since I’ve updated – and many things have happened….

 

On a Vanilla Front – we’re back to just two of us at work, and because of this I’m in the midst of 13 days straight (I don’t count the sundays the store is closed). It’s almost relaxing however, as a very toxic person is no longer there, I’d rather work for the next month till we hire and train someone with just us, than have to worry about this person working one more shift with me. That said – the lack of time with my little fae STILL bothers me greatly.

On a kink front, we just returned from an invite-only play party hosted by our family in the other city. I had the honor of teaching a pair of close Friends some Needle play basics, and experienced another first for me as well – I topped someone who was not my little fae. I have never actually done that, nor played with anyone but Dot, and truth be told I was nervous. It was an interesting experience to say the least, as I had met her during the Public play party the month before, and both Dot and I find her absolutely gorgeous. She stopped with only 3 needles in, however I was marginally glad, trying to make sure my bottom was OK, along with checking on my “pupils” and having to deal with my bottoms boyfriend(?) just over my shoulder the whole time, I was exhausted.

You have to understand, playing with someone for me can be as intimate as sex, and there was a small voice in the back of my head that was screaming at me, that this wasn’t right to do, nevermind with my little fae sitting less than 15 feet away. I did have fun though – and the next day I continued the Trend with my little fae, having a fairly hard scene the next night, when we got home.

 

Just a quick update, but more to come later this week, I promise.

 

Regards,

 

Syn

 

We Need Them on Board.

As a Master, I have quite a few rules that I expect my slave to follow, some of them are hard, and she doesn’t like them, but she does it because she loves me. Other rules are easy and natural to us. Some of her rules are counter-intuitive to the slave mindset.

One of these particular rules springs to mind due to a fellow Masters current situation – he and his girls also happen to be among some of the closest friends we have, and they have opened their house and hospitality to us numerous times when we visit their city.

My little fae’s rule is this – You are to take care of me, that means everything, including looking out for my health, and speaking up if Sir’s choice is not exactly in the best interests of keeping him healthy.

Most D-types, and some S-types might see this as an indication that I have no place being a Master, Dom or any other D-type if I don’t have ALL my shit in order – and for those people I have two words: Fuck you. We’re all human, creatures of comfort and impulse – if we were all 100% perfect all the time what a boring existence this would be.  I digress.

Dot follows this directive quite well, and in offering her opinion, still does so respectfully and with my best interests at heart, 99% of the time I listen since I value her judgement and opinion.

With that, she also supports my choices 100% and is always on board to join me in whatever I choose. When we met, she was a vegetarian, who I slowly converted to the meat-side – and when I went Paleo she jumped in with both feet to support me, and as such we have both benefited.

As a D-type, we need the support and involvement of our S-types even when sometimes we don’t ask. Anticipatory service is part and parcel of what I consider to be a good S-type, and what better way to anticipate the needs of your D-type than to join them in their journey – be that Diet, exercise, or (non-kink) lifestyle choices.

As D-types, sometimes we need to put on our Dom-pants and drag them along for purely selfish reasons because WE NEED THEM. I don’t think it is out of the realm of reason to even tell them that (*gasp!*) it doesn’t affect your dominance, in fact it might even reinforce it.

“The healthy and strong individual is the one who asks for help when he needs it. Whether he’s got an abscess on his knee or in his soul.” -Rona Barrett

Just some food for thought.

 

Regards,

 

Syn

Hetero Leather Culture – In the Spirit of Leather.

I recently finished a fantastic book on Old Guard rituals and protocols. I’m not by any means gay or bisexual as I have mentioned, however it was an excellent accounting of traditions and protocols as he remembered from his time in that era.

I have taken an interest in leather culture, families, and old guard mentality. Being Protocol and etiquette driven , it seems a natural progression in my evolution. My little fae recently surprised me again by  revealing that she was old leather – perhaps not from the 60/70’s but she had involvement with the leather community in the 80’s and beyond. How much I am not sure, as sometimes I have to be very specific in the questions I ask – she has issues just spewing (as she calls it) information about her past.

I have found in my research, that information regarding leather culture is very hard to come by….and that information is divided at best. Add on top of this my desire to learn, and research hetero leather culture and how it relates to Old Guard leather, and I have become…frustrated at best.

I feel personally as though I missed the boat on certain things, and perhaps a bit of an outside looking in mentality… As we get further and further from the 60’s those that remember old guard traditions, and teachings are harder and harder to find. Our community is small, and the neighboring one has a leather family(one that I know of) I have not had the chance to meet yet.

I suppose what will happen is my continued reading of Guy Baldwins material and other respected members of the old guard that still share their knowledge,  Surely out there somewhere is an accounting of how Old guard may have evolved to incorporate hetero additions to the community. I will until then, continue to best carry the spirit of leather, and uphold as many of the values, beliefs, and protocols as I can inside the bounds of what works for our M/s relationship.

 

Regards,

 

Syn