The Perfect Storm (Or: But wait! There’s MORE!)

You know that Movie from 2000 The Perfect Storm ? No? you should go watch it, seriously, because I’m about to use a part of the ending from it as a comparison, and I don’t want to be THAT dick that spoils a really good movie for you.

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So at the end of the movie there’s a Scene where a MASSIVE wave has overturned the Andrea Gail and George Clooney’s character is in the wheelhouse and pushes Mark Walberg’s Character out and to give him a chance to survive, while retreating into the darkness ?

I can kind of empathize with Clooney at this point.

Now I’m not intentionally trying to be melodramatic, but today has been one of those days where the water just kept rushing in, and more and more keeps piling up.

So what’s going on you may ask ?

First off, dot and I are fine, dealing with everything but realistically our relationship is as strong, if not stronger than it’s ever been .

On another relationship front, things aren’t so good. Today dot and bubs ended their relationship. Now I have known for some time that dot was feeling used, and unnoticed by bubs, and I tried to tell bubs as such without overstepping into a territory that would force them into a relationship. However, there was no follow through on certain things from bubs, and dot, being very logical and of no time for that sort of thing ended up pulling away to the point where she ended things earlier today.

Which leads into me.

I am now at a junction, bubs and I haven’t been doing well from a TPE standpoint at all – and I have discussed the things she needs to work on, however these things have come to a head and it compounds with her BPD escalating, her thinking the thought that she is now going to lose me, because the triad we had searched for never really stabilized.

My issue is this – Recently I have felt as though the last 3 months have just gone in one ear and out the other with bubs, simple concepts I would expect someone under consideration to grasp and execute are just NOT THERE. Or my word is taken as a suggestion not an order, even after punishment and re-evaluation,  the same mistakes are continuing to be made. SO now I have some thinking to do.

But wait! There’s MORE!

I am also watching two families implode, my leather family is having their own struggles with BPD, their other partner and things in general.  I feel rather helpless thinking I should be doing more to help, but also knowing I can’t until things settle with them all. Not to mention their partner who is basically my sister is training her three girls and dealing with their recent issues and fuck-ups still haunting them, and dealing with that.

But wait! There’s MORE!

Work is having an issue with a young man who works for us who doesn’t know better than to discuss with clients how fucking wasted he got last night, etc, and even after telling our manager repeatedly, she refuses to take action to discipline or fire (which is the only real choice). This drives me fucking crazy. I’ve talked to the kid, but being unable to discipline him, it goes in one ear and out the other. At work, sadly I am a dog without teeth, nothing more than my words. And no matter how I approach it, I’m stuck bailing out water with my regulars because of this irresponsible jackass child and the weak person in the authoritative position to correct it.

But wait! There’s MORE!

As of tonight we may be hosting someone from the community as a “couch-guest” for a while – They fucked up with the lease on their apartment, and as such will be homeless in less than 48 hours.  Now bear in mind, we currently ALSO have dot’s oldest and her partner staying with us until they find a place. So a 2 bedroom home could possibly now have 5 people (and 4 cats) living in it for a while.

But wait! There’s MORE!

As of 4PM this afternoon (as I found out from my father in the last 20 minutes of work), My mother was admitted to the hospital because of her recent injury.  She has found herself unable to move or walk very well from a pinched nerve in her lower back – My mother is 73 and also recently tore all the ligaments in her leg due to a blackout/fall some months ago. She is currently settled in the hospital and on an IV rehydrating from lack of water, and also being treated for a lack of nutrition – due to not being able to sit and cook and the like. My father didn’t know this because mom never said a word to him or I. She was more worried about being a burden to people than being healthy, which is out and out destructive pride.

But wait! There’s MORE! (sort of)

There are some other things going on of note that has contributed to the day, however I will discuss those at a later time, because they deserve more attention and examination than a paragraph in an already comprehensive entry.

I’m feeling rather overwhelmed today (and really for the last few days and weeks), but writing was high on my list of priorities to get this out of my head….

I’m not sure of solutions or much of anything at this point, I just needed to put it in words so I can dump some of the stress, refocus and re-arm.

Regards,

 

Syn.

Family, Leather, and Unicorn Mounted Leprechauns.

Well, this week has definitely started off better than last – My little fae and I took some U/us time and went to the neighboring city on the weekend, however it was just for a shopping trip, we desperately needed the time together, and time we got. We spent the night after I got off work, travelling to the city and time with our family there – Crepe’s were had, deep conversations, and not so deep conversations alike.

Our family sought out our advice on a few things, we talked, we discussed and I am deeply proud and honored to be trusted with giving advice that hopefully helped them A/all.  The pertinent parts of this have been left vague, because it isn’t my story to tell, but I hope that they will be alright – They’re family, and I love them.

The next day was spent  with just the two of us, we did some shopping – got some shorts and shirts. My little fae has the responsibility of helping me with wardrobe choices, I’m horrible at picking and/or shopping for myself. So we spent the day, Breakfast, Shopping and just generally being together, away from everything.  It not only really helped me relax and forget for a bit about my bell’s palsy, but it was beyond incredible to be able to reconnect with my little fae too. We get so little time as is, that every moment is something more precious than I can measure.

When we were pretty much done at the mall, on a whim, we made one last stop at Danier leather. We don’t have many options for leather gear in our city, so we always love stopping in to browse. As soon as we walked in, we were greeted, and something on a sale rack immediately caught my eye. I had finally found a men’s leather vest I loved the looks of. Being broad in the chest generally makes it hard to shop for myself, and I usually take an XXL shirt, so I don’t Rip it apart when I move my arms forward or backward. I was a touch Dismayed when I saw that the only one left was a 3Xl, however (while only a touch long) fit perfectly in the shoulders. I immediately asked them to set it aside for later purchase while we continued browsing.

My little fae came across a jacket she loved as well, a gorgeous tan suede biker jacket that looked amazing on her. I knew from the second I saw her try it on I was going to buy it for her. She’s stubborn though, and I knew she loved it, and I was waiting to see if she’d pull the trigger on buying it herself.  I don’t get to treat her much to expensive things, and honestly – to me this leather was mine to give her. She has more than earned leather from me – both as my Slave, and as my soulmate. I think I made a Good choice in doing so, and I cannot wait to see her in it, it looks fucking amazing on her.

With our shopping done, home we headed.

Our Trips to and from the city are always filled with conversation – point/counterpoint, and sometimes one of us playing devil’s advocate, just to get the other thinking about something in a different light.

Our Topic of choice (or at least majority) on the way home turned to Polyamory, and our search for a third…. not in the usual sense though – it was more of a “what role DO you want” in the triad…and how we’d Like to see it in an Ideal setting (yes, yes, I know, let it come naturally however it plays out). One question I did ask of my little fae, as i was generally curious, is how she used to find prospective partners when she was poly.  I learned a little bit about her thoughts on it, and it got me to thinking.

An organically grown(?) triad is going to work best for us. Yes we are open to the idea, but not actively searching – I jokingly said: “We’re not going on a goddamn dating site or something like that either!”. We both know I was saying iot just for the sake of saying it, and neither of us has ANY intention of finding our third that way.

However, as I was processing this, I remembered reading about another, and their search for their unicorn – it has been quite a few months for them, and multiple interviews; Still no luck.

So, I have been thinking – with our situation being as it is, in a VERY small city – do we become more aggressive in seeking out our unicorn ? and my More aggressive, I mean – change our fet profiles to reflect that goal, even subtly ? Or just continue on in our little Cloistered community and hope she falls into our laps ? S-types are rare here, Female bi-sexual switches who are single, might as well be a leprechaun mounted atop a unicorn with rainbow sparkles.

So, with all that – tomorrow it is back to the grind, I have had a day off, and feel semi-rested. We have MaST: TPE and Polyamory coming up two weekends from now, and I am sure that will raise even MORE questions from me… and definitely a few more blog posts….

Regards,

Syn

A Low Day, and Some insight.

Well, thus far the week has Been quiet, and quite the learning curve.

With the Bells Palsy, even eating is a bit of a chore, and I find myself having to be extra careful at work – no one wants to have a sales associate that has ceasar dressing in his beard…. Rum maybe, but I’d need to wear the eye patch to make that legit. I’ve Resorted to working in sunglasses to give my good eye a rest, and limit the amount of questions that take up time during the day regarding how/what/where and why about my Bells Palsy.

I will admit, today I had a bad day – and while I kept laughing and joking my self esteem took a dive – I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror in the washroom, and then walked out to help a customer – which I might add was a gorgeous girl that I have talked with an “safe-flirted” with in the past (all part of the Job). Today, there was none of that, she noticed, asked and when I told her her whole demeanor changed to one of pity.

It’s not the first time something like this has effected me – many girls over the years have dismissed me – and I know there is only ONE that matters, but still, this one hurt a little bit, and my newly found fuckitall zen crumbled a little bit.

Perhaps its vanity, or something else – but my other thought was how does this translate to my Lifestyle ? Our quest for our unicorn ? I’m not the most attractive man out there, although my little fae Disagree’s and I love her for it. I’m more of the kinda guy that needs to talk to someone for a while – thats my ace in the hole: my Mind.

“I’ve never gotten laid because of the way I look, in my life. I know that. I’ve never gained from my looks at all. It’s not like, “Oh they’re going, what am I gonna do now?” I’ve never gained any advantage in life – I’ve never been laid because of the way I look. I’ve never been a guy who can just walk in a room and women go, “Ohhhhhoooo!”… I’m not that guy. I’m the guy that women see and they go, “Ehhh?” and I’m like, “No I know but just let me talk to you for a minute.” – Louis CK.

Just a little snippet of how I felt today, on top of missing My little fae like crazy – it has been a hard week for us both, and I am torn between wanting to be there for her, and wanting her near for my own peace of mind.

 

Regards,

 

Syn

 

 

 

A Pirate’s Life for me ?

This has been one of those weeks I’d rather Put behind me, but it’s going to be in the forefront of my mind for the foreseeable Future.

lately I have been working an obscene amount of hours, 95 in the last two weeks, and would have been more, except for Friday night’s events.

Thursday, I felt as though I was getting an ear infection, so I went off to the walk-in clinic, got diagnosed, and started my medication.

Friday started normally – up, message my little fae, walk to work. On the walk my tongue started to tingle and go numb. I didn’t honestly notice it and thought it was just a mild reaction to the Penicillin.

The day continued on, and during a business meeting later on in the evening I had lost almost all the feeling in the left side of my face. I was not overly worried about it being a stroke as I still had grip strength in my hands, and my body temperature was about normal. Regardless, after our meeting around midnight, I asked my co-worker (or as we call her the work wife) to take me to the hospital, En-route I called my little fae who was at work and told her what was going on.

I registered at the front desk in Emergency and settled in.

Dot left work and was there in less than a half hour. in the intervening time, I had a Grip strength check, and 3 vials of blood drawn. I know there were trying to rule out a stroke. So after 3 or 4 hours I finally got to see the doc, and was officially Diagnosed with Bell’s Palsy. Needless to say I, and my little fae were very relieved.

So, thus far, I have gone 3 days with the symptoms, and I must say, it’s more of a piss off than anything… I have no depth perception, and have to drink my coffee through a straw, HOWEVER the endless supply of Pirate, Two-face (from batman) and Jim Ross related jokes are awesome.

So I have learned a few valuable lessons within my first few days.

1. Swish and Spit for brushing teeth, is best done in the shower.

2. Knife and fork to eat everything, and have a napkin handy.

3. If your Slave is always on the side you develop Bell’s Palsy on, she essentially becomes your peripheral vision, and can and will point out people you -should- say hi to when they enter a room.

4. Stairs require depth perception, it’s ok to laugh when you miss one, and your slave needs to Go up them first.

5. Vaping is easy, blowing rings is impossible.

6. taping your eye shut in the mornings can be frustrating – having your other half do it, removes some of this.

7. a sense of humor goes a long way.

8. the patience others show you, in not looking away or staring, tells you a lot about them.

9. My little fae, is amazingly kind, patient and again has proven just how incredible she is… ❤

 

Regards,

 

 

Syn

Scattered thoughts, and Focused Memories.

The last few days have been hectic, it’s not something I can talk about just yet in depth, as it is not my story to tell… however I can tell you that I spent most of the night reflecting on a very specific pair of events from my past.

Quite often I see people saying as D-types we are always D-types, and this is certainly true – however I think a point that is missed is that we’re also human beings, and so are our S-types. Some times you have to be content that they need you to just shut your gob, listen and be a friend first, and a D-type second.

I suppose, now that I have thought about it, D-type and Friend are pretty much intertwined, D-types have to be many different things at many different times, making us what we are and who we are in the process.

Saturday after I get off work, we’re heading into the city for a play party at our out of town family’s house, and it will be good for us I think, to get away and have some fun – between work and life My little fae and I haven’t had a lot of time together where we aren’t watching the clock constantly to meet some appointment, obligation or getting to work.

I realize my thoughts are jumbled, but I pray to the goddess that by the weekend, for better or worse this rough couple of days will be over and done.

Regards,

Syn

Of Vampires, Work and MaST

I’m Tired.

It has been a long week full of emotional vampires at work, but I am lucky enough to have amazing regulars that make the nights go by much faster.

I work in a vape shop, and at 35 I am (when the 20 year old college student is done) youngest member of the staff by at least 10 years. Now, my little fae is 8 years older than me, however she is young at heart, and not stuffy or (overly) stubborn. To me Vaping is a passion something that I carry with me into every sale, from a person just getting their start to get off cigarettes,  to the Builders that come in and cloud chase.

My co-workers aren’t as excited about this – Nor knowledgeable, and it wears on me to constantly be asking questions related to the Technical side of our product. My Regulars make it much more bearable to keep my energy up, because we are ALL excited about vaping, building and everything vape related. the alst 2 hours of my shift were spent talking vaping with 5 or 6 regulars that came in and Cloud chasing with them, the front of the store was fogged out and smelled of all manner of deliciousness.

So now I am off until Monday with a trip into the City to attend MAsT, which I am excited for, as it means time with my little fae. Related to that – W/we have been asked to present next month on Living 24/7, I am both excited to share my thoughts and terrified, and also perplexed a bit on having to do so. My little fae has MANY years in this lifestyle, and is a wealth of knowledge – I do have a wealth of knowledge, however there is a small part of me that wonders if I am “good” enough to stand in front of some who have almost double (if not triple) my years in the lifestyle.

Just a Quick “how’s it going” From me, my Brain is Mush, so off to call My little fae after -her- emotional vampire leaves, make some food and vape/relax a bit.

Rest well and Regards,

 

Syn