Scattered Thoughts.

Most days I am beyond amazed that a woman like My little fae not only agreed to, but throws herself into her life with me. I’m not the easiest person to serve, and I know this – I can be demanding, harsh and sometimes I am overcome with my own past rearing it’s ugly head.

Skeletons are a motherfucker to deal with some days.

Other times I wish I could do more, be more, accelerate my personal growth in area’s I lack. I understand it’s a slow process, I also understand that I should take things at a mediated pace so that I don’t fall back into old patterns and archaic (to me) thoughts.

With a kinky event coming up, I am reminded of two things: One, My little fae is all I need.

Two: although I wish I (we) could find us another partner to share the fun, love, and general tomfuckery that is our lives, it happens when you least expect it…. I should feel blessed that at least someone we had been talking to, while interested, is not currently in a place she feels comfortable to commit to anything.

Our love life is amazing, and we are together – but the thought in my head to be more, do more is always there… like a persistent itch I can’t get rid of. dot has assured me she is happy – but I always feel as though I should do more to show her that I appreciate her service, love, devotion, and council.

Random thoughts, and scattered sentences… but I needed to write them out…. not bad for ten minutes at work, sadly solving and deciphering the mess that is my head will take longer.

Advertisements

A Low Day, and Some insight.

Well, thus far the week has Been quiet, and quite the learning curve.

With the Bells Palsy, even eating is a bit of a chore, and I find myself having to be extra careful at work – no one wants to have a sales associate that has ceasar dressing in his beard…. Rum maybe, but I’d need to wear the eye patch to make that legit. I’ve Resorted to working in sunglasses to give my good eye a rest, and limit the amount of questions that take up time during the day regarding how/what/where and why about my Bells Palsy.

I will admit, today I had a bad day – and while I kept laughing and joking my self esteem took a dive – I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror in the washroom, and then walked out to help a customer – which I might add was a gorgeous girl that I have talked with an “safe-flirted” with in the past (all part of the Job). Today, there was none of that, she noticed, asked and when I told her her whole demeanor changed to one of pity.

It’s not the first time something like this has effected me – many girls over the years have dismissed me – and I know there is only ONE that matters, but still, this one hurt a little bit, and my newly found fuckitall zen crumbled a little bit.

Perhaps its vanity, or something else – but my other thought was how does this translate to my Lifestyle ? Our quest for our unicorn ? I’m not the most attractive man out there, although my little fae Disagree’s and I love her for it. I’m more of the kinda guy that needs to talk to someone for a while – thats my ace in the hole: my Mind.

“I’ve never gotten laid because of the way I look, in my life. I know that. I’ve never gained from my looks at all. It’s not like, “Oh they’re going, what am I gonna do now?” I’ve never gained any advantage in life – I’ve never been laid because of the way I look. I’ve never been a guy who can just walk in a room and women go, “Ohhhhhoooo!”… I’m not that guy. I’m the guy that women see and they go, “Ehhh?” and I’m like, “No I know but just let me talk to you for a minute.” – Louis CK.

Just a little snippet of how I felt today, on top of missing My little fae like crazy – it has been a hard week for us both, and I am torn between wanting to be there for her, and wanting her near for my own peace of mind.

 

Regards,

 

Syn

 

 

 

A Pirate’s Life for me ?

This has been one of those weeks I’d rather Put behind me, but it’s going to be in the forefront of my mind for the foreseeable Future.

lately I have been working an obscene amount of hours, 95 in the last two weeks, and would have been more, except for Friday night’s events.

Thursday, I felt as though I was getting an ear infection, so I went off to the walk-in clinic, got diagnosed, and started my medication.

Friday started normally – up, message my little fae, walk to work. On the walk my tongue started to tingle and go numb. I didn’t honestly notice it and thought it was just a mild reaction to the Penicillin.

The day continued on, and during a business meeting later on in the evening I had lost almost all the feeling in the left side of my face. I was not overly worried about it being a stroke as I still had grip strength in my hands, and my body temperature was about normal. Regardless, after our meeting around midnight, I asked my co-worker (or as we call her the work wife) to take me to the hospital, En-route I called my little fae who was at work and told her what was going on.

I registered at the front desk in Emergency and settled in.

Dot left work and was there in less than a half hour. in the intervening time, I had a Grip strength check, and 3 vials of blood drawn. I know there were trying to rule out a stroke. So after 3 or 4 hours I finally got to see the doc, and was officially Diagnosed with Bell’s Palsy. Needless to say I, and my little fae were very relieved.

So, thus far, I have gone 3 days with the symptoms, and I must say, it’s more of a piss off than anything… I have no depth perception, and have to drink my coffee through a straw, HOWEVER the endless supply of Pirate, Two-face (from batman) and Jim Ross related jokes are awesome.

So I have learned a few valuable lessons within my first few days.

1. Swish and Spit for brushing teeth, is best done in the shower.

2. Knife and fork to eat everything, and have a napkin handy.

3. If your Slave is always on the side you develop Bell’s Palsy on, she essentially becomes your peripheral vision, and can and will point out people you -should- say hi to when they enter a room.

4. Stairs require depth perception, it’s ok to laugh when you miss one, and your slave needs to Go up them first.

5. Vaping is easy, blowing rings is impossible.

6. taping your eye shut in the mornings can be frustrating – having your other half do it, removes some of this.

7. a sense of humor goes a long way.

8. the patience others show you, in not looking away or staring, tells you a lot about them.

9. My little fae, is amazingly kind, patient and again has proven just how incredible she is… ❤

 

Regards,

 

 

Syn

Scattered thoughts, and Focused Memories.

The last few days have been hectic, it’s not something I can talk about just yet in depth, as it is not my story to tell… however I can tell you that I spent most of the night reflecting on a very specific pair of events from my past.

Quite often I see people saying as D-types we are always D-types, and this is certainly true – however I think a point that is missed is that we’re also human beings, and so are our S-types. Some times you have to be content that they need you to just shut your gob, listen and be a friend first, and a D-type second.

I suppose, now that I have thought about it, D-type and Friend are pretty much intertwined, D-types have to be many different things at many different times, making us what we are and who we are in the process.

Saturday after I get off work, we’re heading into the city for a play party at our out of town family’s house, and it will be good for us I think, to get away and have some fun – between work and life My little fae and I haven’t had a lot of time together where we aren’t watching the clock constantly to meet some appointment, obligation or getting to work.

I realize my thoughts are jumbled, but I pray to the goddess that by the weekend, for better or worse this rough couple of days will be over and done.

Regards,

Syn

Of Vampires, Work and MaST

I’m Tired.

It has been a long week full of emotional vampires at work, but I am lucky enough to have amazing regulars that make the nights go by much faster.

I work in a vape shop, and at 35 I am (when the 20 year old college student is done) youngest member of the staff by at least 10 years. Now, my little fae is 8 years older than me, however she is young at heart, and not stuffy or (overly) stubborn. To me Vaping is a passion something that I carry with me into every sale, from a person just getting their start to get off cigarettes,  to the Builders that come in and cloud chase.

My co-workers aren’t as excited about this – Nor knowledgeable, and it wears on me to constantly be asking questions related to the Technical side of our product. My Regulars make it much more bearable to keep my energy up, because we are ALL excited about vaping, building and everything vape related. the alst 2 hours of my shift were spent talking vaping with 5 or 6 regulars that came in and Cloud chasing with them, the front of the store was fogged out and smelled of all manner of deliciousness.

So now I am off until Monday with a trip into the City to attend MAsT, which I am excited for, as it means time with my little fae. Related to that – W/we have been asked to present next month on Living 24/7, I am both excited to share my thoughts and terrified, and also perplexed a bit on having to do so. My little fae has MANY years in this lifestyle, and is a wealth of knowledge – I do have a wealth of knowledge, however there is a small part of me that wonders if I am “good” enough to stand in front of some who have almost double (if not triple) my years in the lifestyle.

Just a Quick “how’s it going” From me, my Brain is Mush, so off to call My little fae after -her- emotional vampire leaves, make some food and vape/relax a bit.

Rest well and Regards,

 

Syn

 

Naps, and Sanity

This has been an incredibly long week, I am in the midst of a 50 hour workweek, and praying for the bosses to hire another person to give myself and the other full-timer a break.

On the bright side, my little fae is coming over to nap tonight.

I love our naps, we don’t see each other during the week at all, Google talk conversations and the daily phone call to check in on her at work are it. We get so little time on the weekends as well that these naps help to keep me sane. It amazes me how much I miss her when she is gone.  I have missed being able to play more consistently as well, on the weekends as much as I want to “play” largely we just end up having Animalistic and Primal sex, which is AMAZING – but I would love to be able to play as well.

Just a quick hiya, and checking in…

Now, off to Finish eating and relax a bit before bed.

Regards,

 

Syn