Your Penis Cost You How Much?

I’ve been going to the gym again on a pretty regular basis, and it’s kinda humorous to me the little things I can learn about myself from watching people there.

If you’ve never been to a gym, the first thing you’ll notice if you look closely are the different types of gym goers. There’s curl bro’s, bodybuilders, powerlifters, selfie queens, social butterflies and cardio bunnies. All of these archetypes are spread across men, women, and kids. I tend to fall into the powerlifter category.

I digress.

The important part of this actually takes place in the men’s changeroom.

I’ve worked really hard to accept my body, and all the bits associated with it, with the understanding I’ll always be a work in progress, So I work on being comfortable naked around other people. In the men’s room this can be simultaneously easier and harder to do.

So I tend to just walk around the men’s change room with little thought to modesty, I’ve seen the sideways glances and the snickering, I pay little attention. I do however notice most guys there either cover up or pull on jeans/undergarments so fast you’d think it was a magic act. The shame about their bodies is really evident. I suppose being around body and sex-positive spaces is starting to rub off on me.

So, last night I’m coming out of the sauna, I always take my phone in with me so I can catch up on Fetlife, or talk with my partners, it passes the time well. As I’m headed to my locker I noticed a kid about 20 or so, in his hands, he has a shaker bottle, his keys a cell phone, and a towel covering his bits. He’s in the process of talking to a friend about how much he benched today or something. I make it to my locker and out of the corner of my eye, I watch his towel slip, he moved a hand to try and recover himself, and in the process, his phone hits the floor face down. I call this moment Schrodinger’s phone, until he flips it over, it is both intact, and broken.

Shortly after the requisite “fuck” from him and his friend he flips it over, and it is indeed broken – to the point of being unusable, a 700$ plus phone done.

I learned in this moment that being comfortable with my own body and not worried about “being gay” or some other nonsense because I didn’t cover my penis isn’t only a huge milestone for me, but apparently it’s cost effective too.

I make light of it, but honestly learning to have less body shame, and more sex positivity was never more clearly illustrated to me than that moment… it sounds like a weird point to have an epiphany, but that’s exactly what happened, and I also realized how far I’ve come.

Regards,

 

Syn.

 

 

 

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Wicked In the West – Lessons and memories.

I was originally going to write yesterday, but as I started typing, I realized the words weren’t coming together in my head well enough to express how I truly felt about the weekend – so as you can tell I needed to process a lot. (as a note I have left most names out and will simply relate my stories with them, as I don’t know how most would feel about fet names out in the world of my wordpress blog, where this will be cross posted.)

A few months ago Myself and my little fae had the absolute pleasure of attending a weekend in the bigger city called “Fantasy”, this time was different though – they turned a portion of the weekend into a conference, and this is where my “Wicked in the West” story begins. One of the presenters especially ( ❤ Cat) is responsible for me (us) making the final commitment to pull the trigger and buy our tickets. A group of lovely people from Edmonton AND Calgary came to that event, and I was overwhelmed at the immediate connection I felt with them. (Truth be told I got home and started following and perving as many folks from that province on fetlife as I could). Up until now I knew in my heart I identified as Leather, I knew what it meant to me, but I had no idea that Leather also felt like coming home to family.

Enter Wicked Weekend.

After a stop overnight to visit some dear friends in Saskatoon (you bastards and your moonshine). We were up early and on our way to Edmonton to do a bit of shopping and check in to the hotel/get registered for the conference. In line to register it was pretty standard, a few people came up and said hi, and it was actually nice to sit back and watch old friends share hugs, smiles and reconnect.

So, with registration done, we realized we hadn’t eaten since very early in the morning, and decided before the opening ceremony we probably should. A part of our Manitoba tribe had been there a day or so already had saved us seats where a bunch of folks had gotten together in the hotel to grab food, so we sat down and braced ourselves to meet a TON of new people. Between trading smart ass comments with a lovely lady in a pink PD kilt next to me, to meeting someone who apparently has fet stalked us as long as I have fet stalked her, I felt very at ease…. and then something happened that blew me away.

We had about an hour for dinner, and ordered quickly, however, our food was not forthcoming. Apparently, the ticket system in the kitchen had broken and our order never printed. I really wasn’t worried about myself, I intermittent fast 18 hours out of the day usually so I can function well on no food. My girl, on the other hand, does not. I was looking at the clock, and wondering if something from the vending machine would be enough to get her through until we could eat. I went out for a vape and came back in to find that two of the volunteers (F-1 and F-2) had given my little fae half of her meal to help her out, likely seeing her face was white and blood sugar was getting low.

That one act from an almost complete stranger (at the time)  meant so much to us both that I really have no words how much it put us at ease being around 90% strangers. So, I didn’t get a chance to say it then, and I will now. Thank you both, it meant a lot to me that you would give selflessly like that to two complete strangers from across the country.

I could go on from here about the Classes we attended, and how amazing they were, the things I learned, and the similarities I saw in them sharing how they play, and how they live. My largest regret of the weekend in that regard is we had to choose what classes to go to. I deeply regret not be able to meet the Fishes, or spend more than a passing conversation with Owner and owned nevermind being able to meet ALL 150+ strong of you that were there.

What I really want to talk about from here on out is what I think Wicked truly offered, and what I am glad I was able to let my guard down enough and be receptive to: The people, the energy, and the open-hearted acceptance.

I remember good morning hugs from some very special ladies (Cat and both of the girls who bleed so pretty, with their giggles and noises). To our breakfast (and more) chat with our MAsT Vancouver Counterparts  (I Promise we’ll keep in touch, and who knows we may be out there sooner than you think. <3), To passing a message to Badasscanes from a mutual friend who had to send her regrets she couldn’t attend. To the gala dinner and really being able to talk to the lady how recieved 6 of TM’s Best, to the moments one particular person in service to the event made time to visit. All of these little interactions, moments and time are more than I can list here – they all built and filled me with such a sense of belonging I can hardly describe how full my heart is and how well fed my soul is.

I’d also be remiss if I didn’t mention my Manitoba tribe.

Originally I didn’t understand what putting that patch on my back was going to mean to me. So to the other 3 of you there, thank you for making me proud to wear the leather bison on my back, I only hope that next time the rest of the Manitoba tribe can join us.

As for the competition portion of the event – I want to thank ALL of the Power Exchange Couples for being courageous enough to stand on that stage and open who you are to us, share, inspire and represent power exchange with so much passion.

To the Bootblacks: although I didn’t get to see near as much as I would have liked, I have to thank you for showing me that leather care is as much love, service and more than I ever thought possible.

To the Organizers Nelson and Impish – Thank you for not only an amazing event, and all the work you’ve obviously done, but thank you for making us feel welcome and part of something bigger.

Oh, One last thing before I end this monstrosity.

Immediately after the Closing ceremonies – I must admit I was hit with a wave of emotion, and for those that know me, I’m not exactly known for that (lol)… So I walked up to find Cat and the ladies with her before they left for Calgary. I was starting to mist up a little, and said as much to her. I will paraphrase a bit, but I don’t think I’ll ever forget her words.

“I understand, it’s hard knowing you’re leaving because you found your people, it’s like being home, I understand too….and you have people, you have me.”

It’s the truth you know.

Thank you Wicked, the organizers, the attendees, and the participants.

You’ve helped drive home something – Leather is tribe, Leather is thicker than blood, and Leather should make you feel like home is wherever Leatherfolk happen to be.

In Leather,

Syn.

Personal and Lifestyle Growth.

Personal growth is a funny thing, for years I raged against it, I was comfortable in complacency, I didn’t want to move forward and leave my comfort zone. In all honesty when I was younger I needed that, a safe place to rebuild myself after years of self neglect, abusive relationships, and addiction.

As of late myself and my little fae have taken steps to move forward with not only our life together (much more on that later), as well as our lifestyle goals and what we wish to become as Leather People.

Sadly, we’ve decided we need to focus those efforts outside of our province – don’t get me wrong, we love our little community here, however it seems to be the same old at almost every event we go to, some are better than others, and I do understand that at public events we are kneecapped with what we can do based on public decency laws etc. It does also seem like most use their bdsm knowledge and reputations more as social currency and less as something for enjoyment and satisfaction. I refuse to be a part of that line of thinking.

It seems as though a lot (not all) scenes at events are “beats” AKA -I’ll just hit you with shit until you safe-word on me, or my appendages get tired. I know there are private events out there that are sex-positive, full of Leather, sex, Violence and could show us we are not alone, and maybe teach us a few things in the process. As of yet we haven’t managed to get an invite to any of these events, and even if we did, our distance from the bigger city makes attendance difficult at best.

So for me, what do I want to learn, experience and indulge in?

  • CuckQueaning, with a focus on degradation and humiliation. Both Dot and I find this is something we want to experience together, although we do want another s-type to join our house, a casual partner willing to be our cuckcake would alsofit nicely and feed my desire to experience a healthy (and longer lasting) poly dynamic.
  • Cigar Play/Service.  Years ago I was a budding cigar aficionado. I enjoyed the learning process, and preparation to enjoy a good Cigar and Scotch, Combine that with play and I’m all in.
  •  Fear Play/Mindfucks – Something we already dabble in, I like crawling around inside the dark spaces in someones head and see what shakes loose, tears and screaming are hot as fuck. As long as I can put them back together after.
  • Bootblacking and bootplay/worship – My little fae is a bootblack and thus far we have used it mostly for leather care with very little play involved – she wishes to pursue this and get back to where she was with bootblacking previously, and if we can incorporate play with that, even better.

These are just a few things I/we want to learn, see, experience and watch. Many of these types of play are found in bigger cities in Canada, so that is where we will go. The Leather Community in our province does have some of this knowledge, and as I said we’d love to pick their brains, however that would require travel and a time cost we may not be able to commit to easily.

Just a few thoughts, and perhaps making some of my goals more of a reality by putting them in words.

Regards,

 

Syn

Do I need to Learn to be Obnoxious?

Just a random gripe I wanted to put into words.

 

I notice more and more “Dominants and Masters” (Note the Quotes) – seem to be becoming more full of themselves and obnoxious as time goes on, normally I would simply sigh, and let it pass. However, I also notice more and more people justifying their behavior, approach and lack of humility by not only encouraging BUT having these fucking people present on topics they are at best a beginner in.

Notably, one such individual was given an audience at an event where they proceeded to fumble through even rudimentary technique, and the touted as a local authority. I I quietly asked some questions of attendees, and have first-hand knowledge of the way they do things. I should point out that this particular topic is something I WILL consider myself a Master of, and I must say, I wouldn’t even consider them a novice in terms of skill.

This has further bolstered their ego and made them even more obnoxious than I previously thought. There was no humility in their acceptance of accolades, instead, the resulting interactions I have seen remind me more of high school jocks slapping each other on their back after they’ve shoved a nerd in a locker.

Perhaps this is how is needs to be done?

Maybe I am wrong in being quiet, somewhat demure, and remaining un-noticed?

Or maybe some “masters” should work more on keeping their raging ego in check and working more on improving their slave, rather than using “celebrity” to fuck anything that walks.

 

Sorry for the rant, but shit pisses me off.

 

Syn

Light bulb Moments, and new Goals

It’s been a draining couple of weeks for me mentally, our usual august long weekend Kinky camping weekend has come and gone (more on that in it’s own post). I’m back at the gym 4 days a week and ramping up the intensity, and I’ve been doing a lot of reading and thinking regarding my/our Leather/S&M journey.

The province we’re in has a very small bdsm community on a whole, and an infinitesimally smaller Leather community – Two of the more prominent Leatherfolk are very very busy, between organizing events in the other city and travelling to present/visit their tribe. We’d love to get to know them, and pick their brains, but finding time is hard to do.

The reason I have been thinking about things lately actually stems from Fall From Grace (the kinky camping weekend). We were introduced to a lovely Leatherwoman from Edmonton, who knows some really cool shit. I actually discovered something I didn’t know I had an interest in at all thanks to her…. Fire. Spinning and Poi, there is a HUGE disconnect betwe en seeing it in a You Tube video, and seeing it live, hearing the whoosh, feeling the heat, it was mesmerizing to me.

Truth be told it was a lightbulb moment for me.

Lately I have been working heavily on myself, and self improvement, that other area’s have suffered. I have become complacent in my play.  This is not to say I don’t enjoy it, not at all, I wish we had more time to play more often, however that’s another post for another day.

Watching Q with her fire poi, and other assorted things she was engaged in over the weekend showed me a wider world of play that one doesn’t see often, So, when we got home from the weekend I looked up other Leatherfolk on fetlife I was already aware of, and followed them.

I notice a LARGE difference between the people I follow now and the folks from the other city…. maybe I’m just reading into things because “shiny and new people”, then again. I must admit, as satisfying as beating the hell out of someone is, I itch to be more creative in my play.

Now I know this won’t happen overnight, and Much learning about different techniques needs to take place. I also feel a little lost in terms of people…. Some things have happened in the last little while that have changed my perceptions of a lot of people, and I know from here on out nothing is going to be the same. My little fae and I have plans and goals, we wish to move forward, grow, and meet different people – the trick appears to be that we may have to look outside our province to grow as we want.

 

Just a few thoughts, jumbled as they may be.

 

Regards,

 

Syn

 

 

Technosexuals and Petitioning

Recently I was thinking about some things in relation to the lifestyle and how things differ from vanilla dating, which of course led me to thinking about certain things that seem to be headed the way of the vanilla. One in particular stood out to me, and I think I’m going to take a moment and dive into it a little further.

Why is it, when you hear Masters talk about the old days a large portion of that was slaves/submissives approaching the Master to petition service, and yet today that seems almost nonexistent?

Don’t get me wrong I understand that evolution will happen, but extinction of a practice that makes so much sense in the last years seems odd to me. Especially in a Power Exchange context.

I suppose the technosexual era we appear to be living in is at least partially to blame. Look at vanilla dating, more and more websites are the way to go to find a potential partner. Tinder, Plenty of Fish, OK Cupid, even Adult Friend Finder; Swipe, click and cycle through multiple potential dates in seconds. Aesthetics and shallow “about me’s” are the signposts people use to streamline and (in my opinion) cheapen the getting know you process.

I am starting to see this more and more in the Power Exchange circles as well, I see and hear multiple cries of “fake dom!”, “pseudo-sub!”, etc. So my question is this: Why, in something as important as finding a permanent D-type, are submissives complacent in actively “shopping” themselves around?

Think of finding a potential Master like applying for a job, you find a company you want to work for, so you do your research, tailor your resume, approach the company with your resume, and then (hopefully) Have an interview to assess compatibility, both for you as a perspective employee, and they, as a potential employer.

This is the essence of the petition – Lets use myself as an example. I am a Master (in that I own a slave), Very well versed in rough body play, mind fucks, and have a disciplinarian approach to power exchange. I own a slave already who has multiple years in the lifestyle, is more than adept at domestic duties, all forms of service, and boot blacking.  All of these things are discernible from our profiles on Fetlife and WordPress blogs. So, you see something that you wish to learn, be a part of, or are interested for other reasons. Do you have an inventory of BDSM and life related skills? Yes? Good!

At this point it’s on you to make you intentions known that you wish to petition, generally with goals for the relationship in mind. I can offer x,y,z skills to the house/relationship in turn for learning x,y,z skills from you. Sex? negotiated. S&M play? negotiated. S-type Role? Negotiated. Have what amounts to an interview to assess compatibility on both sides of the equation, and then the consideration phase could begin.

Now I know right now, out there someone, or multiple someones, are reading this and thinking “What the fuck? that’s too much work! You’re a self important douchecanoe.” So I ask you this simple question – Do you value yourself, your skills, and want what you have to offer be the focus of a relationship, rather than having (or being) arm candy and a quick rough fuck? (which are completely fucking awesome too, if that’s the basis of the arrangement). I hear so many people bitching and pissing and moaning that they have more to offer a partner than just nice tits, or a big cock. Well petitioning can PROVE it. Prove you wish to learn, improve, and work on goals as part of a relationship.

In the process some very hot S&M, Sex, and general debauchery is bound to happen. It’s not always the job of the D-type to find you, be proactive and go find what YOU want, because you know better than anyone else what you have to offer and what you want out of a potential Master. If you wait for them to find you, you’re liable to have a string of ill fitting D-types (read: Fake), or be able to weed them out before wasting your time, and vice-versa.

Just some thoughts.

Regards,

 

Syn